God Works in Mysterious Ways (?)

I grew up in a very devoted Catholic-Christian household. While other kids had Jack and the Beanstalk read to them as a kid before bedtime, my mom used to read Bible passages to me. I was put in youth groups and Bible studies from my earliest teen years. I even went on to study Philosophy in college to better defend my religious beliefs. However, when I graduated college, the only thing I truly learned was how complicated this world really is.

The fact is this: We do not live in a Sunday School world. Despite our best intentions, our society praises greed, lust, and power. 99.9 percent of people in our world do not turn the other cheek when struck on one side of the face, and they do not forgive seventy times seven times. We no longer live in a world where a kid can just go to school and play with their friends outside afterwards...we now live in a world where kids can NOT go outside and play in fear of getting kidnapped, molested, or shot. Our world has gotten really, really f'd up...and I don't think the Son of God would be very happy if He were to sit with us, Christians or otherwise, to see where our world has headed.

So, where does God fit in all of this? Is it still justifiable to believe in an all-loving, all-powerful God? If this God is so omniscient and all-powerful, why doesn't He do something about all the unnecessary suffering in the world? Does He truly work in "mysterious ways", or is that just an excuse that believers espouse to rationalize the BS that's going on around them?

Frankly, I have to say that while I do believe in God...I must admit that I don't know how to answer these questions. Again, this world is very, very complicated. From atoms...to biological cells...to landscapes...to human emotion--everything about this universe is complicated. It would be silly, pretentious, and arrogant of me to think that I could simplify the not-at-all-simple issues. However, I must stand firm in the belief that this incredibly complex universe had to have been designed by an intelligent being. I believe that this Being is present in our lives, and this Being is also involved in our lives. However, I must say that I am not sure why He does what He does and allows certain things to happen. That's not my place.

Christians often have a saying: "God is good all the time, and all the time...God is good." Quite frankly, I can't say this with 100 percent conviction. When everything in life is messed up and the fecal matter is hitting the rotating blades...God doesn't seem like such a good guy at all. In fact, He seems like the exact opposite. It's as if He's an angry kid with an ant farm who takes joy in shaking the ants until they are drowning in dirt. However, while I believe these feelings are justified, I also realize that it's hardest to pray when everything in life is going great. As much as it hurts, and as much as it sucks, I tend to reach out to God when everything goes wrong. I seek Him in the darkest of places. Even when everything sucks and I'm angry and shaking my fist at Him, it's better than not saying anything at all. I'm not trying to sugarcoat suffering or wrap it in a pretty box. All I know is that in order to be saved, we need something horrible to be saved from.

None of the above is meant to convert atheists or agnostics into theism. It's simply my way of explaining how I can remain a believer despite the BS in this world...of how I make sense of the non-sensical. Call me weak. Call faith a crutch. Say whatever you want. All I know is that faith helps.

New Jersey Food Cultures

Outside the realm of martial arts and Filipino history, there is one thing I love: Food. I've come to the grand realization that my home state of New Jersey has a great food scene. Sure, our "big brother" New York City (aka by Jerseyan's as "The City") has great food. But, New Jersey is a food powerhouse all it's own. Recently, I've been fortunate to discover, as well as re-discover, several New Jersey food joints that are quickly becoming my favorites. Some of them you may know...others you may have never even heard of.

1) GoodFellas in Fords, NJ:

I grew up in the small town of Fords, which is one of several towns within Woodbridge Township. Fords is one of those towns that you either know about or you don't. I've even met Woodbridge residents who have never even heard of the place. If you haven't heard of Fords, then I'm sure this place will put my hometown on the map. GoodFellas is a recent addition to Fords and serves some of the best pizza, cheesesteaks, gelato, and pasta around...real Jersey-boy Italian food...the kind I grew up with. It's located right down the street from my cousin's house and I must say that whenever I go back to Fords, I just HAVE to get 2 slices of pizza from this place...and maybe a gelato as well. The prices are fair and the portions are rather large. If you are ever in Fords, this is the place to go.

2) The Crazy Burrito in South Edison, NJ:

Growing up in Fords, it was generally understood that our next door neighbor, the town of Edison, was divided into two parts. You had North Edison (where I currently reside) and South Edison. I'm not sure what it is about South Edison, but I firmly hold the belief that they have the edge over North Edison when it comes to food joints. The other day, my girlfriend and I had a huge craving for Mexican food. I recalled a small Mexican food joint that I used to pass by all the time as a kid while in the backseat of the minivan. Once we arrived, we realized this place was gonna be good. It reminded me of the local Mexican food joints in Arizona I once frequented. Mariachi music was blasting on the jukebox...you could smell the tortillas cooking in the back...and drunk Mexican guys were all over the place with a Corona in each hand. For 20 bucks, my girlfriend and I ordered two Tamales, a Carne Asada Burrito, two Pina Coladas (non-alcoholic of course), and a delicious egg and cheese burrito known as the "Tex Mex". The authentic Mexican taste and the prices are tough to beat. Skip Taco Bell and head to the Crazy Burrito.

3) Fiesta Grill off Westside in Jersey City, NJ:

Jersey City is home to a very large and densely populated Filipino community. Most of my Filipino friends are from Jersey City, and finding a Filipino in Jersey City is like finding a Starbucks in a strip mall--they are everywhere. There are several Filipino restaurants in Jersey City, and there are TWO Fiesta Grills in Jersey City. I have to say that the Fiesta Grill off of Westside is my personal favorite. If you are looking for some damn good sizzling Sisig and Lechon Kawali, look no further. Yes, I am aware that there will be Filipinos reading this and disagreeing...but from my personal experience, the service (which I have found lacking in several of the Jersey City Filipino restaurants) and quality of food at the Westside Fiesta Grill is excellent and surpasses that of it's Newark Avenue branch.

4) Fujiyamamama in Westfield, NJ:

Westfield is a town 15 minutes away from where I currently live. My experience in Westfield is limited to the very aesthetically-pleasing main street area that consists of high-end shops as well as trendy restaurants and independent businesses. However, my girlfriend took me to this place called Fujiyamamama in some neighborhood backroad of Westfield. If you want U-Yee style half-price Sushi without the long wait and without the chances of you awkwardly bumping into someone from your past, then this is the place for you.

5) Manny's Texas Wieners in Vauxhall, NJ:

I had no idea Vauxhall, NJ existed until I went to this place. I also had no clue what a Texas Wiener was until I went to this place. However, my girlfriend and I wanted to try something different so we decided to check the place out. For those of you who don't know, a Texas Wiener is basically a hot dog with Chili (hence the Texas reference), mustard, and onions. I know it sounds like an odd combination, but I must say that it is the best hot dog I've had in a very, very long time. I ordered 4 of these bad boys and devoured them without hesitation. If you want a good hot dog, head to this place.

6) Clark White Diamond in Clark, NJ:

I don't know much about Clark, NJ other than this place. I've been going to it since I was a kid and have some of my fondest food memories there...with the exception of one when my mom took me there to cushion the blow that my family was moving away (long story). But all horrible memories aside, this place has the best burgers in the area by far. My father once worked as a limo driver and would head there early in the mornings after his shifts to grab a bite to eat. Eventually, they became a Pana-Family staple. Best part is is that they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you want a great burger at 3 AM after a night of partying, this is the place to go. Like many Jerseyans who frequent the area, I prefer the small burgers. The large burgers served on Kaiser rolls are the ones I ate throughout my childhood, but my fondness for the mini burgers comes from the fact that they are cheap, packed with flavor (and grease), and I can seem to devour several of them at a time without getting too full. Probably not the best thing health-wise, but fun and delicious nontheless. I came from there earlier today and bought 4 Large California burgers, 3 Small burgers, and 1 hot dog...all for around 20 bucks. Not bad at all.

7) Tastee Sub Shop in South Edison, NJ:

Like I said, South Edison has something magical about it when it comes to food. Tastee Sub Shop is an example of that. This creates what is, in my mind, the quintessential Jersey Sub. Yes, you heard me...a SUB. Not a Grinder. Not a Hoagie (sorry South Jersey). Not a Hero. Not a Po' Boy...A SUB. I've been eating their food since I was a kid and to this day I always order the same thing: Ham, Salami, and Cheese on White with a good helping of Red Wine Vinegar. While overseas, Tastee Subs, along with White Diamond burgers, was the food I longed for the most.

8) China Bowl in South Edison, NJ:

Here we go with South Edison again! It may be something in the water. This place serves Hong Kong quality Chinese food at very, very good prices. If you are looking for Hopkee-style eating but don't want to drive around for an hour looking for a place to park while avoiding traffic in Chinatown, head to this place.

9) Thai House Rock in Colonia, NJ:

Last but not least, the place that is, in my humble opinion, the home of the best Phad Thai in Jersey. As a former 3 year resident of Bangkok, Thailand, I know good Phad Thai when I taste it, and this place has the most authentic Phad Thai I've had in Jersey. This tiny Thai eatery on the side of Route 35 has a rock n' roll theme to it...with the walls adorned in classic rock albums and images. To make things even better, the owner, who we call Eddie, is one cool dude. He and his wife run the place and he has become a pretty good friend of the Pana family. If you have a craving for Phad Thai and Thai Iced Tea, then look no further than this place.


Now that I have lived my Anthony Bourdain-esque moment, I must now go to sleep. Farewell.

Artists seem to have a different way of looking at everyday things....

What most people see as merely a lump of clay is considered potential beauty by a sculptor. The sculptor can take something so mishapen and dirty and turn it into something beautiful and awe-inspiring. A sculptor can take clay and form it in their own vision.

What most people see as pen and paper is considered a potential stage for the writer or poet. Through writing, a writer can speak their mind to an audience, or entertain a crowd. It becomes the platform from which ideas spring and expression follows.

What appears to be random noise may be considered notes by a musician. They hear frequencies, notes, pitches. For the musician, what may appear to be mere sounds may lead to a musical masterpiece. Through musical instruments, they can express themselves fully and totally.

What appears to be canvas and paint is a potential portrait for the painter. Through the proper knowledge and skill of balancing colors and proportion, the painter can express themselves by painting a portrait of an image within their mind and showing it to the world.

For someone like me, what may look like a violent tool of destruction to many is a tool of expression for myself. When I look at a blade or club...I see new techniques, tactics, and methods. With it, I feel history, strength, power, courage, and resilience. I see a tool for not only my own expression, but also for protection. With a weapon, I create techniques almost automatically without thinking about it. Like a sculptor creates his vision from clay, I create my vision through my weapons. I know it sounds odd, but it makes sense to me, and others like me.

The Common Denominator

I've been doing a lot of reading lately regarding ancient warrior cultures: the Spartans, Knights, Samurai, Apache, Shaolin, and of course...the various Filipino warriors, which include the Moros, Matigsalog, and Igorot headhunters. In reading about these warriors, I realized they all had one thing in common. It went beyond fighting skills, tactics, armor, or weapons.

They all possessed spiritual fortitude and/or religious faith in some form. The Spartans were infamous for their religious devotion to the gods and would consult Oracles (proposed psychics) for advice and guidance. The Samurai were dedicated to Zen Buddhism and practiced meditation. The Knights dedicated themselves to the chivalric code and fought for God. The Apache believed in various deities and prayed to them before battle, and the legendary Geronimo even converted to Christianity later in life. The Filipinos are no different...the Moros dedicate themselves to the practices and faith of Islam and would pray to Allah before going into battle. The Igorots were animists who believed in various gods and supernatural deities that helped them in battle. In general, many Filipinos believe in God and would rely on prayer, incantations, and amulets to protect them in battle, and possess great faith in God and the supernatural.

In today's world, where religion and faith appear to be the great divider among the people, and where to even speak of one's religion is considered "politically incorrect", I think it's important to know that the warriors of old firmly held their spiritual and/or religious beliefs. They may have been different from one another, but in the end, they knew that with death on the horizon...faith in a Higher Being became essential to their clarity of mind in battle. I like to think that if I were to get a Samurai, a Moro, a Spartan, a Knight, a Shaolin Monk, and an Apache warrior all in one room...I believe they would each have some kind of dedication to spirituality and religious faith. Yes, they may have different belief systems, but in the end, they all possess spirituality.

Despite all my faults, I still pray to God and meditate every day. I consider it an important part of training. I believe that it's important to train the physical through conditioning and hard fight training. I believe it's important to train the mind by reading warrior texts and playing Chess, which is truly war in miniature and trains one's logical and strategic thinking. However, prayer and meditation fuse the body and mind. They calm the mind, strengthen focus, and enable the body to endure and persevere through hard punishment. More importantly, they improve me as a warrior in all aspects of my life--it helps my relationships with others, and allows me to view life more compassionately and patiently.

Musings on Spike's "Deadliest Warrior"

As a martial artist who has spent his whole life researching and training in various fighting styles and warrior cultures, I thought Spike TV's new show, "Deadliest Warrior" would be right up my alley. It's not a bad show. However, I thought I'd talk about what I think the show is lacking and why it isn't an accurate portrayal of warriors being pitted against other warriors.

First, let me say I do watch the show. In fact, as I type this, I am watching the "Pirate VS Knight" episode. The show seeks to pit one warrior culture against an other...cultures that haven't met on the battlefield in real life. It's interesting to see the different warrior cultures that are present...many of which haven't been recognized by Hollywood or by people on a wide scale: the Apache, Maori Warrior, Vikings, etc. They even take a stab at comparing groups that weren't always seen as a warrior culture...the Yakuza VS Mafia for instance...which was one entertaining episode I might add (NOTE: I was rooting for the Mafia just in case anyone was curious...being from the "Soprano State" and all).

My gripe with the show has nothing to do with the results of the simulated battles. It has to do with the following:

1) Despite what the show's mission entails, the show doesn't really pit a warrior against another warrior. In reality, they are merely comparing the weapons of each warrior culture against one another. It really should be titled "Deadliest Weapon". They compare each culture's respective weapons against each other and compare their lethality...they do not take into account the warriors' mindset, skills, or techniques. We need to remember that weapons don't fight wars...PEOPLE do. If you are going to call the show "Deadliest Warrior", then I think they should discuss and compare lifestyle, techniques, tactics, and strategies of each warrior culture as opposed to just the weapons they use.

2) Even though the show mainly showcases and compares weapons and pits weapons against each other, oftentimes, they don't often pick the right weapons to compare. For instance, in the Viking VS Samurai episode...they didn't compare the Viking Long Sword to the Samurai Katana. Instead, they compared the Katana to the Viking Long Axe...and the Naginata (which is more like the Viking Long Axe) to the Viking Long Sword. Also, in the Spetznatz VS Green Beret episode, they compared the Russian Ballistic Knife to the Green Beret's Entrenching Shovel...which makes no sense...since the Russian's real and true close-combat weapon is the Shovel (I got my Bayani Warrior brother Chris Shragin a Russian Combat Shovel for his going-away present to Japan), and I feel the Green Beret's should've demonstrated the use of the Tomahawk...which is very popular within Green Beret circles.

3) Trying to simulate a battle via a computer program factoring in data of weapons' efficiency is not a very accurate portrayal of a battle. Again, the computer program only takes into account the efficiency of the weapons but does not compare the skills or tactics of each warrior group. I feel it would've been better if the representatives of each system stopped their horrible acting and trash talking and simply FOUGHT in a simulated fight. They should've had the Spetznatz reps and the Green Beret reps fight a tactical Airsoft or Paintball match...or had the Viking reps and Samurai reps actually spar it out with their weapons. Yes, I understand it's not exactly "real" combat, and that the weapons they tested cannot be used for the sake of safety, and that rules have to be factored in for safety of the participants. However, a computer simulation is not "REAL" either. However, I feel that a simulated physical battle would been a lot more demonstrative of the skills and tactics of the warriors. There was a show on USA Network in 2001 called "Combat Missions", a show that pitted groups of Navy SEALs, Army Rangers, SWAT officers, and Delta Force against each other in mock battles...I don't see why they can't do the same with this show. The shows participants must factor skills, tactics, as well as battle conditions such as terrain...things that a computer cannot factor mathematically.

4) It seems to me that the show doesn't take into account that these warrior cultures did not fight one on one...they fought as groups in combat. The only two shows that showcase a group vs group fight is "Yakuza VS Mafia" and "Spetznatz VS Green Berets". However, the Spartans were known for their team tactics and their whole fighting method revolved around fighting as a group...same goes for the Knights, Samurai, and other warrior cultures.

5) Some of the warrior cultures were mismatched against one another. I feel that the following match-ups should've been on the show and would've made much more sense.

-Knights VS Samurai (they both existed around the same time period so it would've made more sense to pit them against each other)

-Apache VS Ninja (both use stealth to overcome their enemy. I would've liked to see how they fought against each other in a guerilla warfare setting).

-Spetznatz VS Navy SEALs (I have great respect for the Green Berets, are tough as they come they but they are more of a group that specializes in training other countries to fight...at least that's what I've been told by my friends in the US Army. IMHO, the Navy SEALs' training and mindset is much more like the Spetznatz's own.)

Overall, I find the show entertaining and I have not missed an episode yet. However, I think the show could use a lot more improvement.

What I Seek to Be

I was at the bookstore yesterday browsing through the World History aisle and came across this quote from the Greek Philosopher, Heraclitus:

"Out of every one hundred men, ten shouldn’t even be there,
Eighty are just targets,
Nine are the real fighters, and we are lucky to have them,
for they make the battle.
Ah, but the one,
One is a Warrior,
And he will bring the others back."

After all these years...after going through all the emotional, post-teenage-year-ups-and-downs, after all the years of trying to figure out what I want to be, I now know what I must do.

I seek to be that ONE...the ONE Heraclitus speaks of.

I want to walk the path of the warrior.

I have already begun, and I hope to be able to finish strong.