Perfectly Imperfect

When I was a kid, I used to firmly believe that life fit in a neat little box...that if I acted a certain way and behaved a certain way then I'd be perfect an have a perfect life. As a kid, I saw things in either black or white with no gray area in between. At 23 years old, I realize that things aren't so simple, and that sometimes, the gray area is all you have.

Growing up in school, I was known as the "nice guy" who was completely selfless and never got in trouble. I treated everyone, even those who treated me like crap...very well. I did so not as a means of actually respecting them...I did so basically to fit in. In addition to this behavior, I tried to learn different skill sets and activities to be well-rounded: academics, fitness, music, martial arts, and religious activities. I felt that if I could do all these things, then I'd be respected by others and be regarded as a Renaissance man of sorts. As a kid, I thought doing all these things would make me "perfect" in a sense, and as such, my life would be perfected.

I've gone through some really fucked up times these past 3 years. Despite my loyalty, people I thought I could trust did everything they could to betray me in the most heinous of ways. I've been double-crossed far too many times. I used to be bitter and full of contempt. However, now, I see things a bit clearer.

I think in some sense, all of us try to live a perfect life. Many of us go to school and work hard so we can have a great job in order to get a nice house, a significant other, and kids. We want to have a comfortable life free of worry. When messed up things happen, we tend to get emotional about things, which is perfectly normal.

However, I've come to realize that although it's been said time and time again...we really aren't perfect. Neither is life. Life is filled with a whole plethora of pain, mistakes, stupidity, and sometimes, pure vehemence and cruelty with people to match. The more I think about it, as much as it sucks...this is exactly what life is supposed to be: IMPERFECT. Imperfection is ubiquitous to life's moments. Instead of fighting this imperfection, as I have done for so long, I realize that I need to embrace it...accept it...swim in it...dance in it for all it's worth. It doesn't make the pain go away, but it does help me approach life more open and objectively as opposed to angry and emotionally, which I must admit, I have been for quite some time.

It truly does pay to count one's blessings. It's easy to look at the bullshit life deals us, but there is a lot of good in it too. For each person I lost due to disloyalty or betrayal, I can think of 2 people who take their place who are loving, kind, and truly loyal...loyalty that has been tested so I can believe in it. Despite the pain I may feel inside, I have a girlfriend of 5 years who is my best friend, who has seen me through everything life has thrown at me: pain, fear, unemployment, anger, sadness, rage. I have parents who have never laid a hand on me out of anger or disciplinary action (a rarity in the Filipino community), yet they taught me and my siblings what respect, discipline, order, loyalty, and hard-work were all about. I have a crew of students and training partners who are truly loyal to me. Despite my tough training style and payment fees, they still train with me even though they are totally aware they could easily go to someone else for a cheaper rate. I have maybe 3 friends who I truly trust with my heart and well-being, and while it's not a big group, I know it's the group I can count on.

I believe in justice. I believe people will get what they deserve. However, I also realize this is a matter of time, and as it is with time...patience is required.

I believe that my enemies should fear me not simply due to my skills, attitude, or demeanor. I believe they should fear me for the fact that I have a support system they will never have. A support system that stands by me and will not hesitate to (literally and figuratively) fight by my side if necessary. A wise man once told me that in life, battles are not always fought with the gun or blade. Oftentimes, the life's imperfection grants us battles that take place within the battlefield of the heart and mind.

I know for a fact that I do not go through life's battles alone.

That, in itself, is my true weapon.

17 Things I Learned From My Father

1) Always stay aware. Know where you are in your environment. Know who AND what is around you at all times. Daydreaming and being off-guard can put you in serious trouble.

2) If you want to know if a Japanese sushi/hibachi place is good, you can judge it by how many actual Japanese people frequent it. It may sound racist at first, but if Japanese people frequent a Sushi place, then it must be good. After all, most Japanese people know good Japanese food when they taste it. Better to trust the experts, right?

3) Make sure to always have a full-tank of gas in the car. If there is some kind of natural disaster, terrorist attack, or emergency that requires you to evacuate immediately, you need to be able to drive as far as possible. Also, if there is a disaster or emergency, odds are there won't be gas stations functioning (as during 9/11), or even worse, they will be functioning but people will be crowding them and it will take forever to get gas...which can endanger you and your loved ones...and when every second counts, this could be detrimental to your survival. In addition, check the fluids in your car...motor oil, brake fluid, coolant, etc...every two weeks. In order to add more oil, screw off the cap on the engine that says "motor oil" and using a funnel, pour at least one container of 10W-40 in it.

4) When it comes to knocking someone out with your fists, the base of the fist to ends to be the safest surface used to put someone down. Simply make a strong fist, and in a hammering motion, swing and slam your enemy in the temple with all your might. This is called a Bolo Punch, and is one of the hardest to block especially at close range.

5) In order to properly light charcoal for a BBQ, you need to get some lighter fluid and a lighter to light up the coals. This can take forever. However, you know the coals are hot and ready for grilling once the coals turn white. Once that happens, you are good to go. Don't stop cooking the meat on the grill unless you see all of the meat with a nice dark brown color to it.

6) As much of a pain in the ass as it is...do what will make your woman happy, especially when it concerns food. If she wants coffee in the morning when she wakes up, make it for her. If she is hungry and craves soup at the ungodly hour of 3 AM, then make it for her. If she wants Chinese food from that Chinese food place way on the other side of town, then bite your lip and just go get it. Nothing is more horrifying than a woman scorned...especially when she doesn't get what she wants to eat.

7) Have at least 3 flashlights...one in your pocket, one in your car, and one that you can access at home. You never know when you may need to light up the darkness during a power outage or when your car breaks down at night on the road.

8) The key to parallel parking is to stay calm and pull alongside the car in front of you and stopping a little past the driver side door of the car in front of you. Then, put the car in reverse as you turn your steering wheel all the way to the side in which you are parking. Do this very slowly, and then once you feel you are in the spot, turn the steering wheel the other way as fast as possible. If this doesn't work, then do it again. Stay calm...as long as you haven't hit anything or anyone, then you are fine. Repeat the process and eventually you'll end up parallel parked.

9) Drinking a whole liter of water first thing every morning is one of the healthiest things you can do. It cleanses the system of any toxins and flushes out anything in the body that's not supposed to be there. This simple act each morning can prevent diabetes, heart disease, and other ailments that people spend hundreds of dollars on medicene for each year.

10) Spend time each day in a dedicated spiritual practice, with prayer and meditation as the most favored methods. Sometimes, this can get long and repetitive and you may fall asleep doing this. No matter...God understands your heart and why you do these things. The point is that you do them from the heart.

11) When everything looks like it can't get any worse, then just relax. Seriously. Stop looking at your watch. Stop worrying about if things will happen or go your way. Things tend to sort themselves out. Impatience and worrying is a waste of energy. Work hard of course, but take it easy every now and then.

12) If you are eating steak and have no A1 steak sauce, then mixing some ketchup with Worchestershire Sauce pretty much tastes exactly the same and serves as an excellent substitute.

13) If you want to know if a pair of pants fits you, and yet you don't want to go try them out in the dressing room, then grab the pants and wrap the waistband of the pants around your neck. Oftentimes, this defines whether or not it fits your waist. (I've tried this myself and it works).

14) If you have something to say, then say it. You may get in trouble and people may not like what you have to say. But, if you feel strongly about something, say it.

15) If you have nightmares at night, flip your pillow over. This helps you go back to sleep and helps the nightmares go away.

16) Slingshots, spin tops, and peashooters can be deadly weapons when used properly. Seriously.

17) Above all other things: Even when it's difficult...even when it's inconvenient for you....even if you are tired and want nothing more than to go home and sleep after a hard day of work...go out of your way to do good things for people who need your help.

Happy Father's Day dad. Thanks for the lessons.

Contemplation

Sometimes you just need to shut off the TV, computer, cell phone, and close the book you are reading. Sometimes you just need to close your bedroom door. Sometimes, you just need to silence the thoughts inside your head, silence the noise around you, and for just a few moments...lie down, stare at the ceiling, and just contemplate.



I've recently become more than too aware of life's uncertainties. As I look at my peers, the few friends I had in college, I see where they are going. I see where they are now, many of them nurses, working people. I see a lot of kids I went to school with, who had incredible aspirations, and then fell to the wayside...going down a path that they didn't intend on traveling. Then, I had to take a look at myself. Where am I in my life, really? Right now, my job is teaching martial arts...probably the easiest and most gratifying job I've had in my life. However, it has no medical or insurance benefits. It has no retirement plan...if anything, I feel as if it is, in itself, a retirement plan. It's just simply something I want to do and something I love doing. I'm happier than most of my peers when it comes to my job. However, should I continue this path, or seek something else to fulfill my financial needs?



I'm not good at a whole lot of things. I'm good at teaching martial arts, practicing martial arts, talking, and eating. I don't have a degree in a fancy major, nor do I have a degree that really was supposed to get me anywhere in a concrete sense. I just knew that there was no major for what I was truly passionate about, and that I only wanted to do one thing, which was to involve martial arts in my professional life in some sense. Now, at 23, an adult in the strictest sense of the word...I want to know whether I'm supposed to be a martial arts instructor....or if I'm meant to do something more with it. I don't think my passion for FMA will ever disappear or go away, so what I want to know is if I am truly meant to be just a martial arts instructor...or if I'm supposed to do something more with it.


I just wish I knew what that "something" was.

In the midst of contemplation, I also realized how important it is to simply ENJOY life. I find that too often, I try to improve my life so much and try to find answers to so many questions to the point that I forget what a gift it really is. Yes, I believe it is important to find ways to improve one's life, but at the same time I feel that life isn't always something that needs improving. Sometimes, it's just something that's meant to be enjoyed.