A Woman Walks Into the Tea Spot And...

It's interesting how life works sometimes. Something as simple as sitting in a tea shop and enjoying a cup of tea can lead to a spiritually-fulfilling experience.

I was sitting in my new favorite hangout in Cranford, NJ known as the Tea Spot. My friend and his girlfriend run the place, and yesterday, I discovered it's only a block away from where I teach, so I decided to come in, drink some awesome Yerba Mate tea, and work on some videos and advertisements for Bayani Warrior.

About an hour into my stay, a woman walks in, orders some tea, and upon the owner asking "How are you?", the woman says, "Oh, well usually people say 'I'm fine', but the fact is, I'm not...but who wants to hear an old lady's complaints anyway?" This struck me as unusual, because it is not everyday people say things like that to strangers. I figured she must really be in a rut, so I continued to listen to what she had to say. She continued and said, "I'm too old. I wasted my life away. Everyone I know turned into someone great and important, and here I am, just waiting around. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I have nothing to live for."

I put away my computer, turned to her and said, "What exactly do you mean by that?"

She was stunned. I suppose she didn't realize someone was actually listening. She looked at me and said, "I'm so sad, nothing in life fulfills me anymore. I'm old...young people treat me different. I'm so jealous of all these young people who are beautiful and vibrant, and here I am old and withering." I then walked over to the side of the room where she was, extended my hand to shake hers, introduced myself, and pulled a chair and sat with her. I told her that I wanted to hear what she had to say. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to hear this woman's story, and lend her an open ear.

She went on to talk about her life these past few years, how she lost her mother 4 years ago to an inoperable disease, and how she herself almost died during an operation a while back. She told me how her parents were strict, disciplined Germans who raised her to be strong and disciplined as well. She is a musician, and after her father passed away, she was left a large sum of money and now lives a life of solitude and plays music to pass the time. She has no friends, although she attends Mass everyday as a devout Catholic. She believes she survived her near-death experience during her operation and said that God must have helped her survive to live for something greater. However, despite her faith, she can't help but feel like she's simply existing as opposed to living. She feels she has nothing to live for.

The more I interact with different people, I begin to realize that oftentimes, it's not their circumstances that define their mindset. Rather, it's their mindset that defines their circumstances. I continued to listen to her talk some more.

She then paused, and I said "What do you want most out of life?" She said, "I want to move to the Poconos, and live a life of solitude, music playing, and breathe fresh air everyday." I told her, "Nice! So what's stopping you?"

She paused, thought about it, and said "I don't know. That's right...what exactly is stopping me?" I told her, "It's you."

She sat there, and thought some more. She then said, "You're right. It is just me. I wish I knew why I'm acting this way." She continued to talk to me about her fears, frustrations, and doubts. She thought it was too late to do anything with her life. I told her, "It's not too late. You clearly survived this long...you are meant for more than this. You can do anything you want. You just need to go get it."

I then told her what I do. I told her how I'm in the works of getting a program for women going, and that if she ever wanted to just talk to me, I'd be in Jersey Fight Club. She said, "You know, I need to get out there. I need to get healthier. When my eye condition gets better, I'll check out your place and train." As she left the room, I told her "You know, your life is yours. You can do anything you put your mind to. Perhaps God placed me in this place, at this time, to tell you this."

She turned and said, "I think so too."

I'm sitting here, in the Tea Spot, writing this blog realizing that at the end of the day, my purpose is to be the Bayani, or hero, regardless of where I am. The truth is that sometimes, I forget that. I'm good at fighting and swinging weapons, but I realize that in the grand scheme of life, my purpose in this life is to guide people and help them. I simply use Filipino martial arts as a vehicle to do that. Truth is that I'm not perfect. I'm flawed, and I have faults as anyone does. But, today, I realize that there's many ways to be a Bayani, and oftentimes, it just means listening to someone that really needs someone to talk to. I realize that God gave me a gift to teach and guide, and had it not been for my current path as an FMA teacher, I don't know if I'd be able to listen to her and guide her the way I did. It's for this reason why I take what I do so seriously.

As it is with all my students, I learn from them as much as they learn from me. I'm sure she thinks I helped her out a lot, but I don't know if she realizes how much she helped me out just now.

A Church in Need of Conversion

I don't talk about my faith, or about religion, a whole lot publicly as much as I used to. Like most Filipinos, I was born and raised a Catholic. However, in the past few years, I've struggled with my Catholic upbringing and have questioned and grown cynical regarding the Catholic community and the Catholic Church. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realize that as a whole, the Catholic faith, it's Church, and it's people are not bad...it's the mindset and approach towards the Catholic faith that often causes division and dissent.

Growing up, I did the typical Filipino Catholic things any Filipino Catholic kid did. I went to Catholic school for most of my life. I went to Mass every Sunday with my family. My first Holy Communion was a milestone in my young life, and my Confirmation in middle school was treated like a rite of passage. I was active, very active, in my youth group and most of my childhood friends were met through the youth group, or through weekend retreats.

As I got older, and lived overseas, I saw how the Catholic way of life conflicted with a lot of the values I was encountering. I spent my early teens growing up in Bangkok, Thailand and while my faith was strong, I was living in an environment that greatly conflicted with the values I was raised in. When I moved back and entered a non-sectarian secular prep school in my later high school years, I realized how different my lifestyle was then other teens, and I was often questioned and even made fun of for my upbringing. However, I believe my biggest challenge to my Catholic upbringing occurred in college. I witnessed people I grew up who were raised in the faith, people I looked up to, totally deviate from their ways, often experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and usually delving into sexual promiscuity. Most of the childhood friends I had in Catholic school and in youth group were no longer Catholics. Upon reuniting with them, most of them were blaspheming and hating the Church, or at the very least, they were apathetic towards it and no longer practiced the Catholic faith. As people I used to go to Mass with and say the Our Father with, it totally made me re-assess my views on faith. To make matters worse, I witnessed the negative politics within the Catholic community I was raised in, and I even saw how truly un-Christian Catholics around me were treating those around them. I began to think "Is this what I've subscribed to? Judgement? Self-righteousness?" It seemed that the Catholics I was being surrounded by were more concerned with being right than being loving. I also began to read about the history of the Catholic Church and how it conquered the Philippines through the Catholic faith and subjugated the native people to it. None of these things made my faith stronger. In fact, it made it worse.

In light of this, I began to shed my Catholic identity and leaned more towards the evangelical and Protestant approaches to Christianity. Even to this day, I think the Protestant/Evangelical community is doing a far better job in making the Christian faith accessible and relevant to people, especially young people, than the Catholic Church is. However, I also noticed that the evangelical approach, while I admire it, is still very fundamentalist and in many ways even more conservative than what I was raised with in the Catholic Church. A lot of evangelicals have made it their mission to lash out at the Catholic Church as well, which I don't agree with.

Looking upon all this, I realize today that at the core, I am a Catholic. It's what I know, and it's what I grew up in. I have been to many churches, but there's something about a Catholic cathedral that just hits me to the core. However, I am still looking at the Catholic Church with a critical eye. I was at Mass recently and the priest on the altar told us that as of right now, 80 percent of Catholics have left the Catholic Church. My question was: "What was the Church doing when it was at a drop out rate of 50 percent? Why didn't they do anything about it then?" The fact is that I totally understand why people would leave the Church. The Catholic Church tends to encourage people to join them, but they don't often reach out, get their hands dirty, and recruit people into it (with the exception of missionary work, the evangelical side isn't the strongest). The highly institutionalized and regimented nature of the Catholic Church greatly differs from the way Christ presented Himself.

I really believe the Catholic Church is beautiful and has so much to offer, but I think a lot of changes need to be made. While I understand Tradition is so important, we need to realize that we live in the 21st century and there are things the Church needs to adapt to to make itself more relevant and applicable in today's society.