Bayani Blogs

A Woman Walks Into the Tea Spot And...

2012-02-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

It's interesting how life works sometimes. Something as simple as sitting in a tea shop and enjoying a cup of tea can lead to a spiritually-fulfilling experience.

I was sitting in my new favorite hangout in Cranford, NJ known as the Tea Spot. My friend and his girlfriend run the place, and yesterday, I discovered it's only a block away from where I teach, so I decided to come in, drink some awesome Yerba Mate tea, and work on some videos and advertisements for Bayani Warrior.

About an hour into my stay, a woman walks in, orders some tea, and upon the owner asking "How are you?", the woman says, "Oh, well usually people say 'I'm fine', but the fact is, I'm not...but who wants to hear an old lady's complaints anyway?" This struck me as unusual, because it is not everyday people say things like that to strangers. I figured she must really be in a rut, so I continued to listen to what she had to say. She continued and said, "I'm too old. I wasted my life away. Everyone I know turned into someone great and important, and here I am, just waiting around. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I have nothing to live for."

I put away my computer, turned to her and said, "What exactly do you mean by that?"

She was stunned. I suppose she didn't realize someone was actually listening. She looked at me and said, "I'm so sad, nothing in life fulfills me anymore. I'm old...young people treat me different. I'm so jealous of all these young people who are beautiful and vibrant, and here I am old and withering." I then walked over to the side of the room where she was, extended my hand to shake hers, introduced myself, and pulled a chair and sat with her. I told her that I wanted to hear what she had to say. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to hear this woman's story, and lend her an open ear.

She went on to talk about her life these past few years, how she lost her mother 4 years ago to an inoperable disease, and how she herself almost died during an operation a while back. She told me how her parents were strict, disciplined Germans who raised her to be strong and disciplined as well. She is a musician, and after her father passed away, she was left a large sum of money and now lives a life of solitude and plays music to pass the time. She has no friends, although she attends Mass everyday as a devout Catholic. She believes she survived her near-death experience during her operation and said that God must have helped her survive to live for something greater. However, despite her faith, she can't help but feel like she's simply existing as opposed to living. She feels she has nothing to live for.

The more I interact with different people, I begin to realize that oftentimes, it's not their circumstances that define their mindset. Rather, it's their mindset that defines their circumstances. I continued to listen to her talk some more.

She then paused, and I said "What do you want most out of life?" She said, "I want to move to the Poconos, and live a life of solitude, music playing, and breathe fresh air everyday." I told her, "Nice! So what's stopping you?"

She paused, thought about it, and said "I don't know. That's right...what exactly is stopping me?" I told her, "It's you."

She sat there, and thought some more. She then said, "You're right. It is just me. I wish I knew why I'm acting this way." She continued to talk to me about her fears, frustrations, and doubts. She thought it was too late to do anything with her life. I told her, "It's not too late. You clearly survived this long...you are meant for more than this. You can do anything you want. You just need to go get it."

I then told her what I do. I told her how I'm in the works of getting a program for women going, and that if she ever wanted to just talk to me, I'd be in Jersey Fight Club. She said, "You know, I need to get out there. I need to get healthier. When my eye condition gets better, I'll check out your place and train." As she left the room, I told her "You know, your life is yours. You can do anything you put your mind to. Perhaps God placed me in this place, at this time, to tell you this."

She turned and said, "I think so too."

I'm sitting here, in the Tea Spot, writing this blog realizing that at the end of the day, my purpose is to be the Bayani, or hero, regardless of where I am. The truth is that sometimes, I forget that. I'm good at fighting and swinging weapons, but I realize that in the grand scheme of life, my purpose in this life is to guide people and help them. I simply use Filipino martial arts as a vehicle to do that. Truth is that I'm not perfect. I'm flawed, and I have faults as anyone does. But, today, I realize that there's many ways to be a Bayani, and oftentimes, it just means listening to someone that really needs someone to talk to. I realize that God gave me a gift to teach and guide, and had it not been for my current path as an FMA teacher, I don't know if I'd be able to listen to her and guide her the way I did. It's for this reason why I take what I do so seriously.

As it is with all my students, I learn from them as much as they learn from me. I'm sure she thinks I helped her out a lot, but I don't know if she realizes how much she helped me out just now.

A Church in Need of Conversion

2012-02-01T10:31:00.000-08:00

I don't talk about my faith, or about religion, a whole lot publicly as much as I used to. Like most Filipinos, I was born and raised a Catholic. However, in the past few years, I've struggled with my Catholic upbringing and have questioned and grown cynical regarding the Catholic community and the Catholic Church. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realize that as a whole, the Catholic faith, it's Church, and it's people are not bad...it's the mindset and approach towards the Catholic faith that often causes division and dissent.

Growing up, I did the typical Filipino Catholic things any Filipino Catholic kid did. I went to Catholic school for most of my life. I went to Mass every Sunday with my family. My first Holy Communion was a milestone in my young life, and my Confirmation in middle school was treated like a rite of passage. I was active, very active, in my youth group and most of my childhood friends were met through the youth group, or through weekend retreats.

As I got older, and lived overseas, I saw how the Catholic way of life conflicted with a lot of the values I was encountering. I spent my early teens growing up in Bangkok, Thailand and while my faith was strong, I was living in an environment that greatly conflicted with the values I was raised in. When I moved back and entered a non-sectarian secular prep school in my later high school years, I realized how different my lifestyle was then other teens, and I was often questioned and even made fun of for my upbringing. However, I believe my biggest challenge to my Catholic upbringing occurred in college. I witnessed people I grew up who were raised in the faith, people I looked up to, totally deviate from their ways, often experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and usually delving into sexual promiscuity. Most of the childhood friends I had in Catholic school and in youth group were no longer Catholics. Upon reuniting with them, most of them were blaspheming and hating the Church, or at the very least, they were apathetic towards it and no longer practiced the Catholic faith. As people I used to go to Mass with and say the Our Father with, it totally made me re-assess my views on faith. To make matters worse, I witnessed the negative politics within the Catholic community I was raised in, and I even saw how truly un-Christian Catholics around me were treating those around them. I began to think "Is this what I've subscribed to? Judgement? Self-righteousness?" It seemed that the Catholics I was being surrounded by were more concerned with being right than being loving. I also began to read about the history of the Catholic Church and how it conquered the Philippines through the Catholic faith and subjugated the native people to it. None of these things made my faith stronger. In fact, it made it worse.

In light of this, I began to shed my Catholic identity and leaned more towards the evangelical and Protestant approaches to Christianity. Even to this day, I think the Protestant/Evangelical community is doing a far better job in making the Christian faith accessible and relevant to people, especially young people, than the Catholic Church is. However, I also noticed that the evangelical approach, while I admire it, is still very fundamentalist and in many ways even more conservative than what I was raised with in the Catholic Church. A lot of evangelicals have made it their mission to lash out at the Catholic Church as well, which I don't agree with.

Looking upon all this, I realize today that at the core, I am a Catholic. It's what I know, and it's what I grew up in. I have been to many churches, but there's something about a Catholic cathedral that just hits me to the core. However, I am still looking at the Catholic Church with a critical eye. I was at Mass recently and the priest on the altar told us that as of right now, 80 percent of Catholics have left the Catholic Church. My question was: "What was the Church doing when it was at a drop out rate of 50 percent? Why didn't they do anything about it then?" The fact is that I totally understand why people would leave the Church. The Catholic Church tends to encourage people to join them, but they don't often reach out, get their hands dirty, and recruit people into it (with the exception of missionary work, the evangelical side isn't the strongest). The highly institutionalized and regimented nature of the Catholic Church greatly differs from the way Christ presented Himself.

I really believe the Catholic Church is beautiful and has so much to offer, but I think a lot of changes need to be made. While I understand Tradition is so important, we need to realize that we live in the 21st century and there are things the Church needs to adapt to to make itself more relevant and applicable in today's society.

Why We Do It

2012-01-24T16:46:00.000-08:00

I have been training and teaching the Filipino martial arts since I was 13 years old. In that time, I have devoted myself wholeheartedly to pursuing what many of my training partners would call the "Warrior Lifestyle". This involves not only training in martial arts, but also other fields that relate to fitness, nutrition, survival, battlefield medicine, firearms training, outdoor survival training in different climates and conditions, as well as delving into fields such as religion, history, philosophy, psychology, and even researching motivational speakers and their self-improvement methods. I would never consider myself a master or expert, but I have been pursuing knowledge of these skills for almost over 13 years now, and I don't see myself winding down anytime soon. I'm constantly seeking to improve myself as a warrior in every aspect of my life.

This often begs the question from my loved ones, family, and friends: "Why do you do this? What's the point? When will you ever have to use a blade, stick, sword? When will you ever have to learn to survive in the wilderness? Why do you carry a bag of medical gear and other tools all the time?"

I've been hearing these questions since I was a teenager, and now as an adult, I feel I have come to grips with why I, and others like me, train the way we do and do what we do. In light of this, I have come up with a list of reasons that I hope can shed light as why we do, what we do. Now, before I begin, I am not saying that I am better than anyone, or that my lifestyle is superior. This is simply a life I, and others like me, have been called to...one of discipline, desire, and the following...

1) Love: That's right. LOVE. The legendary Dan Inosanto (Bruce Lee's friend and teacher in Kali, as well as THE Ambassador of Filipino Martial Arts) once said, "You train because you love people...you train because you love them so much that you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to them...LOVE is the highest art." I feel this is so true. There are people in my life that I love, and I never take them or their existence for granted. I am not perfect, but I do everything possible to make sure those I love are safe and taken care of. I also show love for my teachers, my training partners, and my students. I want to ensure that my skills bring out the best in me so I can love better and serve them better. Navy SEAL Michael Jaco, in his book "The Intuitive Warrior", said: "A true warrior's mindset is one of love. You love yourself and others...I have heard of men who didn't believe in the cause they were fighting for but fought to stand by their countrymen." From my experience, I have found this to be true regardless if the warrior is a Navy SEAL, Special Forces soldier, police officer, or even they are an athlete or a normal everyday citizen...people will fight to stand by those they love.

2) Moral Duty Towards the Preservation of Innocent Life: I believe that life is the most precious gift God has given us. It isn't always pretty or fun, but in the grand scheme of everything, it's always beautiful. As a result, I believe that all innocent life needs to be protected by any means necessary. Any enemy to innocent life must be eradicated and dealt with in a straightforward way. That "enemy" comes in many forms: alcoholism, drug abuse, child abuse, poverty, death as the result of overexposure or injury in a natural disaster, starvation, and of course, physical threats such as criminals, enemy combatants, and terrorists. All of the training I have has made me more aware of the value of innocent life, and it motivates me to acquire the skills, knowledge, and equipment I need to preserve and protect it. This can range from learning how to fight with weapons...to learning first aid...to eating right, limiting alcohol, avoiding drugs, and staying healthy...and avoiding people and places that may be more susceptible to bringing negativity into my life.

3) Control: Another reason I live the way I do and train the way I train is that I want to know that I have true mastery over myself, my emotions, as well as some sense of control of the environment around me. First, I wish to seek constant mastery over myself. I am not perfect. I have emotions just like anyone else, but everyday I seek to gain control of those emotions and make them serve me, as opposed to making me serve them. This means being in a constant state of self-awareness and knowing my emotions as they happen, and controlling them properly. The training I have received, particularly my training in Atienza Kali, has trained me to think past emotion and think as analytically and logically as possible regardless of the problem I am facing. Again, I'm not perfect, but when I run Bayani Warrior, I know that in order to lead a group, I need to be able to lead myself, and that's where emotional control comes in. Also, there is control over circumstances. There are far too many people who say, "Well whatever happens, happens...if a loved one or myself get attacked/sick/injured/etc. then I'll deal with it then." In my humble opinion, this is HIGHLY irresponsible and even immoral. As I said before, innocent life is precious and must be guarded. This desire to maintain control of my circumstances also impacts my professional life as well. I never say, "Well, I'm okay with making a mediocre amount of money this month. Whatever happens, happens." I never think that way! I work hard to ensure that I am financially able to pay my bills and live an honest, fulfilling life in the process. I don't care what the economy is like. I don't care what people say. God put me on this Earth not to pursue mediocrity, but to live a life of inspiration of significance...to show that circumstances don't define us, but that WE define our circumstances.

4) It's Fun: I'm a big kid. It's the truth. I still read comic books. I still eat Gummi Bears and Peanut Butter M&M's to excess. I still get excited when I hear the Superman movie theme song. I still love being in my backyard and running around in it. In light of this, I love training and acquiring these skills because it's every little boy's dream to be able to shoot guns, throw knives, survive in the woods, and possess other cool skills reminiscent of childhood memories of James Bond or Chuck Norris. Now, it's not always painless, or comfortable, or even enjoyable at the time...but after all is said and done, I'm glad I challenged myself and pushed myself to my limits. And, these fun, cool skills are not only fun, but they can help protect those I care about as well. It makes me feel confident and happy knowing that I am capable of doing things that not many other people can do, and that my skills can possibly save a life someday.

So there you have it. I'm sure there are other reasons why I do what I do, but right now, these are the best I can come up with. The fact of the matter is that we all have a warrior living within us. We all have something we are fighting everyday. The reason why I do what I do is so that the skills I acquire can help me live a better life so that I am a better son, older brother, boyfriend, friend, and teacher.

A Big Pile of Branches

2011-12-09T09:21:00.001-08:00

We all have challenges in this life. One look through my Facebook mini-feed and after speaking to several close loved ones, I realize that we are all facing some sort of challenge. It may be work, it may be school, it may be relationships, it may be finances. I thought I'd talk about some of my thoughts about challenges and overcoming them...but first, I'd like to first tell a story about what happened this morning.

I went to bed last night, and had a dream. In the dream, I was facing against several exponents of another Filipino martial arts system, sparring them, fighting them, and defeating them. I felt unstoppable, as if no one could stop me. As I rose to victory in this dream, and at the height of my sense of accomplishment, I hear my dad's Filipino-accented voice saying:

"Mike, wake up!"

I then woke up and realized I was in my bed, and that it was early in the morning. It was cold, I was tired, and I was honestly rather irritated that I was removed from my dream of combative glory and victory to be awakened by my father and mother. Apparently, Edison, New Jersey decided to get it's act together and get rid of the hundreds upon thousands of fallen tree limbs and debris that was lying outside of the homes of my neighborhood, and my father and I had to get the remaining debris in the backyard to the front yard so that the landscapers could get rid of them. As I walked out to the backyard, I realized that the pile of branches that my father and I had to carry to the front yard was HUGE, and looked far too big for two people to take on alone. The pile was the size of a one car garage, and the pile was even taller than me, with branches of various weights and lengths. I thought to myself, "This pile of branches is way too big. This is going to take forever." Walking in mud in the freezing cold hauling off huge branches was definitely not the way I planned to spend my morning.

However, for some reason, my training in Atienza Kali kicked in. While the pile of branches was huge, I began to break down the pile one part at a time. We took the smaller branches out to the front, and the larger branches were put on the side to use as fire wood. This way, we wouldn't be carrying heavy logs to the front. Instead, we were carrying smaller, lighter branches to the front and setting the heavier ones aside. We went back and forth like beavers setting up a dam, carrying piles of branches from the backyard to the front yard (for those of you who have seen the size of my backyard, you know that the walk is certainly no small feat). Within what seemed to be no time at all, the once HUGE pile of branches in the backyard disappeared. Between two men, the entire operation took only 20 minutes.

Now, you might be thinking: "What does this have to do with Atienza Kali and problem solving?"

Truth is, it has everything to do with them.

In Atienza Kali, we view the blade as a gateway to solving problems. The problems can be related to fighting or combat, but more importantly, the problems can be more life-based: relationships, finances, work, school, etc. We are taught to break down a blade exchange in it's most specific details with as little emotion as possible. We are then taught how to apply this mindset to life's challenges. The fact is this: no matter how big the problem may be, no matter how challenging it may appear, you have it within you to break down the problem, one bit at a time, and eventually, the problem can be overcome. It simply takes a great degree of self-control, emotional awareness, and a focused mind.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned in Atienza Kali is that our problems are only problems if we allow them to be. We always have control over the situation regardless of what is going on, because we have control of how we respond to the situation at hand. This is reminiscent of what I have read in the book "A Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. This book has actually changed my life, and for those of you who have not read this book, Viktor Frankl is a psychiatrist who was once locked away in a Nazi concentration camp. In this camp, he lost his wife, his brother, and both of his parents while being deprived of food and sleep, as well as undergoing regular beatings. However, despite all these challenges, Viktor Frankl survived and stated: "Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." While we may not always have control of what happens around us, we can always have control of what happens within us, and our attitude defines our future, and the quality of our life. Oftentimes, that bill to pay or that paper you have due by Monday may seem like a huge problem, but with the right attitude and approach, the problem can be solved.

Whether the challenge is financial, relationship-based, work-related, or even if it's just a big pile of branches, we can always overcome the problems we face. We simply need to regroup, adjust our focus, and break down the problem one bit at a time.

26

2011-11-14T20:22:00.000-08:00

Today, I turned 26 years old. It's amazing how much one can grow and change within just one year. A year ago from today, I was a very different person living a very different life. I was in a rough place emotionally and spiritually, and I yearned to know whether or not my life would change for the better. Today, on my twenty-sixth birthday, I can honestly say that my life has truly evolved and changed for the better.

But first, a quick story.

As I attended church yesterday with my family, the priest, during his homily (or sermon for your Protestants out there), discussed the concept of vocations. The Gospel reading for the day was Matthew 25: 14-30, which discussed the concept of talents, and how one must not bury their talents, but rather, embrace and utilize the talents that God gave them. As I listened to the priest speak, he discussed how all of us, whether priest, married, single, teacher, police officer, etc...all are called to a specific vocation in this life.

This past year, I was placed in a position in which I was forced to leave the past behind and instead press onward to what I believe is my vocation in this life, which is as a teacher, combatant, and ambassador of the Filipino martial arts. This journey was not voluntary. I was placed in such a dark and painful place in my life that I honestly had no other choice but to press onward and aggressively towards this path. I took several roads which seemed to be the path I wanted to be on but instead, I was led to the path I am now. Today, the path toward my vocation has seemed to come to fruition, and while I do not feel the journey is by any means over, this past year, I have undergone so many changes and evolved in so many ways that I am now certain that my destiny is not too far away from me.

This past year, I have experienced and gone through many things I never thought I would ever experience in my life, and I left with many things learned. I underwent periods of dread, loss, and despair. I learned the value and healing power of working with children, and how their innocence can inspire and transform you into a better version of yourself. I saw how simple nights at a diner could lead to spiritual revelation and empowerment. I learned what true fear and terror felt like, and how that type of fear and terror truly puts ones life in the right perspective. I learned that 50 percent of any battle is showing up on the battlefield, and how the right leadership and camaraderie are what makes warriors...warriors. I learned what it meant to see an opportunity and not let it pass by. I learned what it meant to connect to a woman on a true deep, spiritual level that transcends mere physical attraction. I learned that if we want to improve and change the world around us, we must first learn to improve and change the world within us.

I am one year older, one year wiser, and one year more successful than I was last year. I have endured and persevered, and I know that while there will be more battles to come in the future, right now, I definitely see life as less rocky and uncertain than before.

A Total 180

2011-08-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

I opened the front door this morning and felt cool air hit my face. I now realize that summer here in New Jersey is slowly coming to an end. My life at this point is truly a completely different reality than it was last year. Last summer was probably the most difficult period of my life. However, this summer has managed to be the exact opposite. It's safe to say that this summer has probably the best summer of my life.

Last summer, I saw several doors in my life close in front of my face. One door that closed was particularly difficult for me at that time. I can't remember a time in my life in which I was more depressed, scared, alone, and miserable than last summer. As the summer of 2010 ended, I was uncertain and unsure of where my life was heading. I was eager to start a new path in my life and leave the old one behind, yet I didn't know how I was going to do so.

Fortunately, God brought me through several moments through the Fall, Winter, and Spring that led me to where I am today. Some moments were fun, others were frustrating, and some were downright annoying. But, God truly opens the right doors and closes the wrong ones.

This summer has been a series of open doors. In May, Bayani Warrior opened at Jersey Fight Club in Cranford, NJ, becoming our new home and blessing us with new students and new friends who support our mision and what we do. In June, I got to speak at a summit in New York City for the UNIPRO organization in front of some of the top names in the Filipino community. I saw the Bayani Warrior Gathering take place on that same day and saw our numbers literally triple in the span of that one session. In the first weekend of July, I was given the honor of attending, demonstrating, and teaching at Sayoc Kali Sama Sama...it's been my lifelong dream to have the honor of demonstrating at Sama Sama, let alone teach there. At the end of July, I attended the SFL Conference in Dallas, Texas where I got stronger in my faith, made so many new friends, and best of all, I met someone very special to me who has all the same core values as I do. In August, I have also been able to train under some of the greatest warriors on the planet this month, learning skills I never thought I'd be able to learn.

This summer, I've learned that our past only dictates our future if we allow it. We have the ability to move forward, and once we do, God opens up doors that we never thought we'd see opened. However, it is up to us to MOVE. God won't move unless we do. He's waiting for us to move forward away from the negative aspects of our past...to move towards a Higher Path. Once that happens, and once we shed the chains of the past, only then will we see true opportunity and growth in our lives.

I am stronger, more self-aware, and happier than I have ever been. I know there will be battles to face in the future, but I now have the right faith, the right training, and the right people to stand by my side.

So to conclude, I will say this: Life isn't perfect. But, it is good. :)

Ready to Play

2011-08-08T06:08:00.001-07:00

Growing up, I never really played sports. While I was heavy into martial arts growing up throughout my youth, I never really had the interest to play basketball, football (sorry to all the Texans out there...I know it is akin to committing an act of blasphemy), baseball, or tennis. Looking back on it, I think the desire to play was always there. The desire to play has not only been a part of my athletic life but also part of my spiritual life as well.

I always had a desire to go out and do athletic things. When I was a kid, the truth was that I was very naive, sheltered, and physically, I was fat, uncoordinated, and slow. When it came to gym class, or recess after lunch, I would always try to play sports with the other kids, but time after time, I was always the one picked last. It didn't matter what sport was being played: basketball, football, or even dodgeball or tag--I was always picked last due to my size and lack of knowledge regarding the game being played. I remember trying out for my junior varsity basketball team in middle school and failing rather miserably.

After being taunted and eventually kneed in the groin by a school bully, my parents decided to take my chubby, wimpy self to a Karate class in town where all the other kids seemed to be training. Martial Arts provided a solution to a lot of the problems I was facing. Not only did it teach me how to protect myself from bullies, but unlike other sports, it didn't require any prior knowledge of the sport to participate, nor did it require team tryouts or physical fitness tests to begin playing. I started as a white belt and eventually stuck around at the school for a few years. In time, I became physically more fit and more confident. The desire to play and to be athletic seemed to be what kept me there for a while, even when my friends from the school eventually quit. I went on to study different forms of martial arts, eventually finding the Filipino martial arts, which is the art God put in my heart to passionately pursue, study, and teach. To this day, the desire to play is still in me. I train 5 to 6 days a week, oftentimes twice a day. I eat right. I sleep at least 7 hours a night. I like fighting. I like being an athlete. I like to push myself and see where my body can take me.

Likewise, in my spiritual life, I can easily say that I've been ready to play for a long time. For as long as I can remember, I recall praying and talking to God about possibly using me to do something important on this planet while I'm still here. I feel that for the last few years, God has "benched" me in a way. No matter how hard I seemed to work or try, I could never get ahead in my spiritual life, nor was I able to find the purpose God had for me.

God is the greatest coach in the universe. He will train you. He will break you. He will push you to your limits. When He feels it's right, He'll put you out on the playing field. Above all things, He wants you to remember that you are not an individual. You play for HIS team, and He won't let you onto the playing field until He feels you are ready.

In the past month, I had the opportunity to be part of two amazing conferences, each of them representing the two pillars of my life. After attending Sayoc Kali Sama Sama in Pennsylvania, the world's greatest Filipino martial arts gathering, and after attending SFL Conference in Dallas, a truly fulfilling and amazing Christian conference, I feel like He's letting me know that I'm ready to accept my purpose, or at the very least, I will be able to step onto the field pretty soon. However, I just want to go by His playbook. He knows the game of life better than anyone else, after all.

The Message

2011-08-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

I just got back to my home state of New Jersey from my recent trip to Texas. After a 2 hour flight delay and a three and a half hour plane ride back home, I had a lot of time to think about these past several days and what I experienced.

For those who may not know, I was in Dallas, Texas to attend a Christian conference for Singles for Family and Life (SFL). For those who know me, I am a person of faith, having been raised in a Christian household my whole life. My parents are very active in Couples for Christ (CFC), which acts as the overall head of SFL. I honestly have not been involved in the CFC/SFL community since my youth days. However, God really brought me through some pretty rough battles within the past year, and I feel that in that time, I got closer to God in my distress. I decided to make a committed effort to be more devoted to my faith and I eventually got involved in SFL these past few months. This past conference was enlightening and strengthening. I was also fortunate to meet and get to know young adults from all over the nation. One of my friends from the New Jersey SFL, Reggie Balbin, asked me during the last night of the conference, "What message do you think God told you through this weekend?" When he asked that, I honestly told him that the answer didn't arrive to me yet. However, finally back home, I think I understand what God was telling me through my experiences this weekend with the conference as well as the social outings with the people I met.

The message is, "You are NOT alone."

This past week, I've met other young people like myself who share the same core beliefs that I do. While we are all from different places and different backgrounds, I feel that I have found an organization of young people that truly desires to make a positive change in this world through their beliefs and values. The people I met at this conference all seem to possess the mentality that they are not here on Earth to settle for mediocrity--that they are here for a purpose. They emphasize the importance of family and life, which forms a huge basis for who I am as a person and allows me to put my faith in the proper perspective. They teach the importance of purity and integrity in thought, intention, and action.

This week, I've walked away with many things learned. I learned that while I am a strong person, true Strength comes from God the Creator, whose power is Infinite and through whom all things are possible. I've learned that one must step outside their comfort zone. I've learned that there are other young people like me who like to socialize without resorting to belligerence, drunkeness, or negative behavior. I've also gotten a better understanding of what I want my future relationship with my future wife to be like.

As an added bonus, I got the chance to eat some awesome Mexican and Texas BBQ (among other animals I never thought I'd eat), ride a mechanical bull (which I lasted over a minute and a half on, to my surprise), stepped into an actual rodeo stadium, saw where JFK got shot, and I even got to help a random stranger fix a flat tire.

I want to thank all of you who made this SFL Conference possible. Thanks to my household for their support. Thank you to all of the awesome speakers who inspired me to be a better leader. I want to say hello and thanks to all of the great people I met this weekend from Texas, Las Vegas, Seattle, and Chicago, whether in the conference or in fellowship socially. All I can say is I wish you all lived closer to me! But, don't worry...I'll see you guys here in New Jersey next year. :) I want to say fist pumping will not be in the agenda...but my brother Matt makes no promises.

Evolution

2011-06-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

365 days ago, I was a very different person from the person I am today. While I maintained the same core values, my personality, outlook, and spirituality were a world apart from the way I am now. I am coming to see the growth in many aspects of my life, particularly growth within myself as a human being, as well as growth of my life's work and Mission with Bayani Warrior Group.

365 days ago, I was in a tough place in my life. I was emotionally drained, spiritually devastated, and in a financial struggle. Now, I am seeing where God is taking me. I am seeing where Bayani Warrior Group is going...how it is truly growing both in size and number, and how so many doors, both personally and professionally, are opening before me left and right. I am getting more and more students. I am getting more and more offers to speak and teach at different schools and for different organizations. I am seeing how both my financial and spiritual growth are moving in a positive direction with Bayani Warrior. I never refer to Bayani Warrior as my "dream" or even my "passion" in my life. I don't believe the concept of Bayani Warrior came from me. Rather, I sincerely believe it is a mission that Almighty God has put in my heart. I was not put on this earth to just teach Filipino martial arts. I've been put on this earth to speak, lead, teach, and inspire people to become better people. I am using Filipino martial arts as an avenue for that purpose, and everyday I am blessed to see the results of God's providence in my life and in Bayani Warrior.

I am not the person I was 365 days ago. I am evolving every minute, of every second, of everyday. The way I speak, love, eat, pray, and fight are completely different than the way I was 365 days ago. I am experiencing an evolution unlike anything I've ever seen or experienced in my life.

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines evolution as:

Evolution: (noun) (1) a process of continuous change from a lower, simpler, or worse to a higher, more complex, or better state (2) a process of change in a certain direction

In the Filipino martial art system of Atienza Kali, an Evolution is a drill of prescribed movements that mirror a combative exchange. There are several Evolution drills, and each drill is designed to defeat the Evolution drill that came before it. For instance, Evolution 2 defeats Evolution 1, and Evolution 3 defeats Evolution 2. I feel that in my life, the Evolution I am in right now has defeated the Evolution I was in 365 days ago. I am better spiritually and mentally, and I know I will continue to grow and evolve as this year continues.

I feel that in this past year, through all the struggles and hardships, that God is sending me on the path He wants me to be on. I am moving in a different direction. I simply pray everyday that I am evolving according to His Purpose.

I will continue to pray and take massive action towards this Mission.

May the Evolution continue...

17 Things My Mother Taught Me

2011-05-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

1) Don't leave your sticks, machetes, and knives lying around all over the house. If you have to drive a mother crazy with you just owning them, the least you can do is place them in a neat manner.

2) I Am Third. God is first, those you love are second, and I am third. It's important to do right by God and by others instead of focusing just on what I want or what is important to me.

3) Watch your words. Your words are more powerful than you can ever imagine. They can help create or destroy your well-being and your state of mind.

4) Learn to listen.

5) Church should be a positive experience to look forward to. Find a church with good people, good leaders, and good sermons. Church should be something to be happy about, not something to dread.

6) Shave your face. Good women like guys with a clean look.

7) Speaking of women, find an honest woman who is devoted to God who wants the same things in life that you want. Her moral standing will be much firmer than others.

8) Take care of things you need to take care of right away. Don't procrastinate. Don't cram for exams, and certainly don't leave things till the last minute.

9) Never judge others based on how they look or even by how they behave. You can never know what's going on inside a person's heart. Only God knows that.

10) By no reason shall you ever, EVER leave toothpaste residue in the bathroom sink.

11) Blackberries are the coolest devices ever invented. Apparently, so are Amazon Kindles.

12) Never, ever, by any circumstances ever love money over your own family. Always place your love for your family over financial or material gain. Never let money ruin your relationships, especially among your siblings.

13) When people come over the house, you better have an emergency supply of pizza and snacks to feed them. Never let people come over the house unless you can fill up their stomachs.

14) Being able to cook three main staples and be able to cook them well. When you get the chance, prepare your food staples in mass amounts, freeze them, and enjoy them over time. It's like having homemade frozen food.

15) When you eat, eat slowly, and make sure you place your fork, spoon, and knife neatly on the plate after you are done.

16) Steven Seagal is the best action star of his generation. His best movie has to be "Above the Law". (Yes, my mom is a Seagal fan)

17) Most important: Do the right thing, always. Not the easy thing. Not the fast thing. Not the way that will get you the most money, popularity, or noteriety. Simply do what is proper/moral/right in all circumstances. Even when people betray you, leave you, or hurt you...do the right thing. Live a righteous life devoted to God, family, and the pursuit of righteousness. Be an example for others to follow.

Love you Mom. As you can see, you taught me everything I need to know in order to be a good, honest, loving human being. You've done an amazing job raising me and whatever goodness I have in me, has come from you. You gave me life, but you gave me something just as important: a sense of duty to be a good, just, and honest person.

You don't need to worry about me. I'm going to be fine. You raised me right. I'll make you proud of me. Just pray and see...

Now this is the part where you are probably crying...

Stop crying, enjoy your present, and Happy Mother's Day! :)

Shattering the Rearview

2011-05-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately on who I am now and where my life is leading. I am in a completely different place today than I was a year ago.

I look back on who I was a year ago, and I look at who I am now and realize how different I have become. The Mike Pana of 365 days ago no longer exists. I've been looking back on the Mike Pana of 365 days ago...and admittedly, there is a side of me that thinks of those days quite often, especially as of late.

However, I no longer yearn for the past. I only live in the present, and I only seek the future.

I am shattering the rearview mirror. Time to hit the gas and drive forward on this road God has opened up for me.

The Mission

2011-04-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

I am at a point right now in my life where things are moving...moving in a direction where I feel I'm supposed to realize my destiny. I've been quiet about this for far too long. I've never said the words I am going to write here publically. It's about time I set the record straight. These words may appear to be pretentious, or pompous, or arrogant. But, they are simply the truth that has been echoing in my heart for these past several years.

Most people don't believe in destiny anymore. They want to believe that they are in control of their fate...that they are sole masters of their future. I do believe in that, to some degree. I believe that we are all given choices to make. From those choices, we impact the nature of our lives and from that, our future is impacted as well. However, I have also come to learn that we are all meant to do a job on this planet...a job meant for us the moment we are born...a CALLING. It's our choice whether we choose to hear that calling or not. Many people hear it, yet due to their own fears and insecurities, they choose to ignore the call. Many people blame their circumstances or current situation to not answering that call.

My calling, since the day I was born, is to lead and help other people. I've felt it ever since I was a child. I've been told by numerous people throughout the course of my life, most notably strangers, that they see a light within me, that they see "truth" in my eyes. I'm not sure if that's true, and I'm not sure why people say that. All I know is that I am not meant to live a mediocre existence. I am not meant to just settle. At 12 years old, I was divinely appointed to find Filipino martial arts, then I became passionate about it. Now, I will use the Filipino martial arts as a tool to inspire and lead others. Initially, I simply wanted to make a successful, stable living doing what I love to do, which is teach Filipino martial arts. However, recently, I've been realizing that is simply not the only goal. To do so would simply be to serve myself and my wants and needs, and not the needs of my fellow man. I have learned that my Mission in life is to do something greater with my passion...something that will not only support me financially but will also serve the greater good of humanity.

The Mission is simple, and the Mission is this: To turn Bayani Warrior not just into a mere martial arts group, but to turn it into a national and international movement...a movement that will inspire others to serve people by leading them...a movement that will inspire people to reach a higher sense of duty, code, faith, and righteousness...a movement that will give people the physical and mental tools to aid, serve, and protect those in danger and less fortunate...a movement that will enable people to fight and stand for something greater than just themselves. Our numbers will be vast and large. Our influence will be known.

I am at a point in my life right now where I have been removed of all doubts and fears...of all hindrances, and of all internal debates. I am seeing how I am being moved closer and closer to my destiny...how every moment in my life, whether good or bad, has led me to this point.

The Mission is simple. The Mission has been stated. The Mission is being executed.

The Mission is now.

Non-Negotiables

2011-03-23T20:55:00.000-07:00

Inspired by my brother Matt's post (mattpana.tumbler.com), here are the qualities I look for in my future wife:

-Christian: This makes the top of the list, and it's not because I'm super-holy or pious. I simply know that my Christian upbringing and faith is the foundation of what makes me me, and I realize now that it's imperative that my future wife and I share the same values and belief systems. However, I'm looking for a Christian woman who has her heart set on God but her feet still on the ground...a woman I can pray with who also wants to pray with me...a woman of faith who understands she still lives in the real-world and needs to respond to real problems in a practical way....a woman who prays as if everything depends on the Lord and who works as if everything depends on her...a woman who will be my accountability partner when it comes to my relationship with God. I'll take a woman of faith over a Maxim cover-model any day.

-Responsible: I'm not the kind of guy who usually hangs out at clubs or bars. I don't find it immoral, it's simply not part of who I am, how I live my life, or how I spend my money. Honestly, drunkeness, smoking, and doing drugs are all huge turn offs to me. However, I'd like to be with a woman who wouldn't mind having a beer with me at a bonfire or BBQ in the backyard every once in a while.

-Training: Next to my faith, my combatives/martial arts training is a huge part of who I am. It helps reinforce my faith, and my ethics. It defines how I eat, sleep, and go about each day. My future wife doesn't have to have a black belt or be a hardcore martial artist, although I would really find that attractive. I just need a woman who understands what it means to train...a woman who understands the importance of protecting oneself and one's family...a woman I could entrust to help me protect our family should the need arise...a woman who knows what it means to train regularly and to keep healthy and fit. I feel I have been called to the path of warrior-leadership, and I need a woman who understands that and is willing to walk that path alongside me if possible.

-Honesty: Speaking from experience, I know I need a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind and who will openly communicate with me and those close to us. I believe that communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. Without honesty, there is no communication, nor is there any trust.

-Simplicity: I love a woman who finds excitement in the little things, such as going to the movies on Friday night, going to local fairs, going to bonfires, walking around a charming small-town you've never been to before, or long walks in the park on sunny days. When it comes to activities, I tend to be a guy who appreciates the simple things in life.

-Conversationalist: Anyone who meets me for 10 minutes will know that I talk, a lot. It'd be great to meet a girl who can keep a conversation going.

-Attractiveness: Needless to say, I am looking for a woman I am physically attracted to. Basically, a girl who looks beautiful with or without makeup, a fancy dress, or fancy clothes...who takes care of her body and keeps active.

If you know a girl who fits this criteria, then let me know.

If you are a girl who fits this criteria, I ask only one thing...

Where do I find you?

2:18

2011-02-07T22:23:00.000-08:00

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I am beginning to realize that this will be the first time in six years that I will be celebrating Valentine’s Day alone. I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about this time of the year and what it means to me. While I know Valentine’s Day means a lot of things to a lot of different people, I prefer to view it as a reminder. It’s a reminder of something that has always been in my heart and will never fade away. Honestly, I'm quite reluctant to reveal what I am about to say in this entry to the world. I don't usually speak this way publically. This is a side of myself that I don't usually put out there for people to see. But, I feel that somewhere out there is a person who may find some help in this entry. So, here goes...

I remember that as a child, I was wondering when the day would come that I would get my turn to find someone special to celebrate Valentine’s Day with. I remember praying every night that I’d just have the chance to be with someone. I know I will probably lose Man-Points for admitting this, but from the time I was in kindergarten, I wanted to fall in love and find someone to spend my life with. I’m not sure where I got that idea, but I can remember having that feeling for as long as I can remember. I remember even going to my mother in Kindergarten and telling her how much I liked this one girl and how devastated I would be if she didn’t like me back.

Despite having the love-bug at an early age, I need to admit that I was a late bloomer to the love and dating world. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 18. I didn’t hold a girl’s hand until I was 18. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 18. As you can probably assume, this was all done with the same girl. I was with this girl for over half of a decade and for that period of time, everyone we knew could swear we would be together forever. But recently, things didn’t pan out that way. I won’t go into specifics about my situation. All I am willing to say is that when that relationship ended, I experienced an intense amount of hopelessness, loss, and devastation. Of course, when a relationship dies, any normal human being feels devastated, lost, confused, and alone. Next to someone you love dying, I feel it’s the most painful experience one can undergo, and those I have spoken to who have both lost someone they loved, whether it was from their death or the death of a relationship, have told me they feel essentially the same way. In these past few months, I have been blessed with so many opportunities. I have new friends, and a new life. I am in a very happy place in my life right now, and I can look back on these past few months without any regrets. I know that there are many people out there who may look at my situation and say that I should have every reason to be cynical, upset, and depressed about this time of year, with it being Valentine's Day and all. But, I’m not, and I won’t be.

Aside from the excruciating emotional pain, I think one of the biggest obstacles anyone who has gone through a breakup is the intense sense of uncertainty and doubt that they will ever find anyone again. These past few months, I had to ask myself whether or not I’d ever find someone else…if that true soul-mate is really out there for me…or if I was just being delusional and naïve about the nature of life. I wondered if, with the high divorce rate in our country and experiencing what I experienced, I questioned if love even existed or if we are truly meant to be with someone. But after much thought and deliberation, I am here to testify that it does, or at the very least, true love must exist.

As I write this, I am reminded of the Biblical story in Genesis where God creates the first man, Adam. Regardless of your beliefs, I feel that the whole concept of God creating a man, and then making a woman simply for that man, is a beautiful image to hold onto. In the story, God creates the earth, and all the things within it. He makes majestic oceans, mountains, and He also creates these amazing animals that roam the earth. Then out of nowhere, God just thinks, “Hmmm, I should make the first dude.” So, from soil and dust, God does just that. After six straight days (or if you’re a non-fundamentalist like myself, several eons), it would be understandable for God to chill out, take a break, and leave it at that. But in Genesis 2: 18, it says something very profound: “The LORD God said, ‘It isn't good for the man to live alone. I need to make a suitable partner for him.’”.

So, let’s get this straight: According to the story, God makes the Earth, the Heavens, the mountains, the oceans, the animals, and the first human. He could’ve easily stopped right there. After all, it took a lot of work to create all those things. But for some reason, He doesn’t stop there. Instead, he makes sure to give the man a female companion. What I am getting from this is that God, if one is to believe in him, didn’t design us as human beings to ride solo (sorry Jason Derulo). He has created a person just for us who is essentially a part of who we are and who we have been the whole time. For me, I believe that woman is still out there somewhere.

Now, I know there may be people reading this who may be cynical. Perhaps they’ve gotten their heart broken time and time again. Perhaps they had parents who divorced and as a result, are doubtful that love and marriage can succeed. If there’s one thing I’ve realized this year, is that we all have the power to make decisions. I can choose to look at the statistics, at failed marriages, and even at my own situation this past year and be cynical about the nature of love…or, I can take control of my own thoughts and feelings and press forward towards finding the woman who will be my wife someday.

I've met many individuals in my life who believe that by relying on faith or by waiting around, that their soul mate will fall out of nowhere and land in front of them. For me, even as a Believer, I refuse to simply wait around and pray my future wife shows up. That isn’t productive, practical, or realistic. In the Bible, Jesus Himself told us “…seek and you shall find.” In order for me to find that woman, I need to actively seek her out. I think the toughest part of all this is A) Wondering where to start looking and B) Hoping it won’t take that long to find her…but it doesn’t mean I will simply pray and wait. I'll keep seeking, and I know that eventually, I will find her.

I have grown up a lot this past year and I have also changed a great deal. I want to make sure that I am spiritually, physically, and financially strong to make her and myself happy once I find her. So, as of this moment, I no longer consider myself single. I don’t even consider myself as “Looking for a Relationship.” Personally, I consider myself “in-training”…in training to prepare myself to be the best man I can be physically, spiritually, and financially.

Let’s just hope I don’t have to be in training for that long… ;)

Hungry

2010-09-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

I have learned this year, more often than not, that we tend to go after things that are familiar and seemingly attainable to us. We often define our dreams not by what is in our hearts, but oftentimes, what society, our family, or our friends say we are capable of doing. I am at a point in my life where I am hungry...not for food, but for evolution. After my recent trip to the West Coast and the Philippines, I came back here more focused. My mind feels very relaxed yet driven. Perhaps it's the jetlag. Perhaps it's the fact that my life has changed this past month. Regardless, I feel as if I need to not only get out there and explore the world, but I also need to better myself...even more than I did before.

My teachers have always said I have a strong, teacher-personality. When it comes to being with people, I have a subconscious way of just speaking up and taking the lead. However, I personally have always seen myself as a student. Not just of martial arts, but of life. I realize that there is always something to learn and that there is always something I don't know. This past month, I entered an "intensive course" of sorts in terms of living my life. I've gone through many different experiences, and each one of them made me better in some way. The process wasn't always painless. Oftentimes, we learn best in hindsight. We learn from our mistakes and our faults. It's not an easy process to go through, but I have realized that sometimes, the best lessons in life are the one's that were the hardest to go through.

Now, I realize that my life is good, but I'm not happy with it just being good. I want it to be excellent. I want it to be great. I don't want to settle for crumbs...I want the whole cake.

This past month has not only given me the opportunity to explore the world, but also gave me a chance to explore the world within myself. I had a lot of time to ponder and to think about my life and where I was headed. Every car ride...every plane ride...every time I had a chance to be by myself, I would reflect on things within myself. I realized over time, that I am not satisfied with where I am at. That is not to say I am unhappy. Far from it. However, I realize that I want more out of life. I want to get out there on my own terms. I want to live my life. Not the life of society or what others want out of me, but I want to truly be my own person and live my life. I want to succeed. I want to be more than I am right now.

My main focus for this Fall is to improve myself in every facet of my life. I want to better my relationships with those I care about and love. I want to improve my finanical wealth. I want to travel and see places I haven't seen yet. I don't want to be comfortable. I hate comfortable. I want to seize what I believe is rightfully mine: a powerful life based on love, passion, and excellence.

Living

2010-09-07T10:01:00.001-07:00

In the midst of fighting jetlag and getting back to normal back here in New Jersey, I've been trying to carry the spirit of my recent trip over to my life here. Ever since I arrived, I've been looking at different things I've been interested in, and I am trying to pursue them as well as I can. The following are a few things I've been looking into.

1) Writing: My blogs seem to be getting more and more popular every day. This is mainly due to support from my father, who has been emailing nearly everyone he knows the web address of this blog. However, people from all over the world have been reading this blog, finding it through Yahoo! and Google. I've been getting emails from people I've never met or heard of. Not sure how that happened, but I'm assuming that if that many people appreciate this blog, then I should try to figure out how to better my writing abilities. My brother Matt forwarded me to the Gotham Writers Workshop, a writing school that is based in New York City. I've been looking into taking the Nonfiction writing class. I figure that class will help me write better blogs. I've been trying to write a book for the last year or so but I feel that while I may have an inherent ability to write, I am still not as good as I should be. I'd like to take the Nonfiction writing class as well as the Fiction writing class as well. I feel both styles would help me how to write better on all fronts.

2) Officer Michael Pana (?): I've been debating whether to be a police officer these past few years. My passion for FMA is part of the reason why I want to do it. I have always felt a need to help the community and protect it. In light of this, I have applied for my civil service exam and I am taking steps to apply for a job in law enforcement. I feel that if I wasn't teaching FMA full-time, then I'd be a cop. I'm not sure if it's something I'd want to do for the rest of my life, but I figure it's better to aim for it while I'm still young. I've been researching working for the Federal Air Marshal service as well.

3) New Bayani Warrior Updates: I have been developing new programs for our Batuta (short baton) and our Suntukan (Filipino Boxing) curriculum. I have also been working on a Buno (grappling) curriculum as well, mainly to cater to law enforcement and security who need to know how to utilize locks, throws, and takedowns. I am in the process of making several new promotional videos as well.

4) Reading: I've never been much of a reader to be honest. But, in the last month or so, while traveling back and forth, I've realized the value of reading. It's a very pure form of entertainment. I don't need to worry about needing electricity, Wi-Fi, or cable to read a book. I don't have to worry about commercial breaks, either. I've found reading to be quite entertaining in and of itself. But, even more importantly, I feel it's training my mind to focus and visualize. I have learned that I get a lot out of it. I recently finished reading "The Intuitive Warrior" by Michael Jaco and "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. I tend to gravitate towards non-fiction books, but "The Alchemist" as well as "Gates of Fire" by Steven Pressfield have shown me the value of reading fiction books.

5) Traveling: I am making it a point to ensure that I can afford to take a trip by myself, or with a friend, every single year. I am also trying to take day trips with friends every month or so. A big part of this is so I can expand my horizons, but professionally, I am also using travel as a means to spread Bayani Warrior to as many places as I can. I am currently saving up money to take a trip somewhere I've never been. This past trip has shown me that the world is bigger than I think it is, and I need to get out of Jersey every once in a while and take it in.

"Just Live"

2010-08-28T04:24:00.000-07:00

I am leaving the Philippines tomorrow night. It has been over three weeks since I've left New Jersey and gone on the adventure of a lifetime. I've traveled to places I've never been and places I never thought I'd ever see. I got a chance to experience things I never thought I'd experience. For the longest time, I spent so much time adhering to my passions, so much to the point that I never bothered to look outside of them. This trip has taken me to different places physically, but also, different places mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

For the last few years, my approach to things was very simple: If it works, don't change it. I picked up this mentality mainly from my martial arts training. If a technique worked for me once, and if it worked for me twice, then I wouldn't deviate from keeping that technique in my repertoire. I'd keep it, and I wouldn't modify it. Somehow, this mentality transferred over into my life. For instance, if I was at a restaurant I've been at before in the past, then I would usually order the same thing I usually order. Why? Because it's what I know. A while back, I tended to go after things I know that work. If it works, I don't deviate it from it. Same went with working out, talking to people, and almost everything under the sun. If something worked for me, I'd keep it, and I wouldn't bother to really go outside of what I knew worked for me. I felt there was no need to.

However, in the past several weeks, I've been put in a position where I had to truly go beyond my comfort zone and actively move toward the world, as opposed to wait for it to come to me. In this past month, I've seen so many things and experienced so many things. I experienced a new different chapter in my life with someone I love who also happens to love me. I've been in the presence of hundreds of people of faith from every state in the country worshipping together. I've walked through an authentic Japanese tea garden. I've stood underneath the Golden Gate Bridge. I've seen the body of a loved one in a casket. I've seen the intense sorrow of a family's loss of a wife and mother. I've spent time with a family I have been dying to know more about my whole life. I've stood on tops of mountains. I've been to churches hundreds of years old and prayed within their walls made of coral. I've been to a Taoist temple and stood respectfully before statues that I have never seen. I've seen children running barefoot in polluted city streets and swim in polluted rivers. I've stood on the white sands of the most beautiful beaches in the world, looking into a crystal-blue ocean that seemed to stretch in the distance in all directions, forever. I've gone to bed staring at the Manila skyline. I've stood on the ground where a legendary Filipino warrior thrwarted off a Western invasion. I've eaten and tasted foods I've only heard about through relatives or through TV and books, and I've even eaten foods I never thought existed. I've gotten up close to the smallest monkey in the world. I've eaten on a river cruise. I saw a live cockfight in a smoky, noisy gambling den. I never thought I'd ever do these things...but I did, and it showed me how big this world is and that it isn't always such a bad place.

A great man told me before I left for this trip, "Mike, it's time to crack open your world. Don't train while you are away. I want you to have fun...lots of it. The world isn't just Filipino martial arts." I was struggling to grasp what that meant...but as the trip began, I began to see what he was talking about. As cool as it would be to have the world being centered on FMA, as it is for me, the truth is is that there is a ton of stuff out there. I'm still passionate about FMA. I believe FMA is the path I've been called to in life, and I have this unwavering belief that I will change the world through it. But, I feel that unless I look outside of that world every once in a while, I won't be able to be the best warrior-leader I can be. A true leader must know himself as well as the people he leads...and the only way for me to know myself is to go out there, and experience the world around me. As a person, as a human being, I need to experience all of the things God has placed on this earth. I would be doing a disservice to Him if I didn't.

Someone special told me something my first week into this trip that I carried in my heart this whole time. She said, "Even if you're scared, just live. We only get one chance at it. Don't be scared...try new things." I did, and even though it was uncomfortable at times, those words alone gave me the strength and inspiration to go out and do new things. Her words led me to one undeniable truth...something that my heart seemed to say silently to me as I went through this trip: Life is, if you want it to be, an adventure. You need to mix it up...keep yourself guessing. In the past month, I haven't done the same exact thing twice. That is something I never thought I'd do. Every week was a different place...a different adventure. I had no choice in the matter. I was thrown into it, and I came out of it with a different experience...a different thing to check off the "To-Do" list of my life.

I will carry the spirit of this trip into my life when I return home. This adventure is not over.

Grace By the Day

2010-06-28T22:57:00.000-07:00

I woke up the other morning and turned on the TV. Joel Osteen, the famous preacher, was on TV, doing his thing, preaching to the masses. Now, I honestly can't stand Joel Osteen, but he said something that honestly helped me on a personal level. It's something I hope everyone out there can look into an adopt into their own lives.

Like I said, I can't really stand Joel Osteen. I don't read his books. I don't watch his programs. He seems like a nice guy, for sure. But he's got this super-smiley, super clean cut demeanor that I can't really identify with. However, when I turned the TV on, it was like he was speaking right to me. In the program, he talks about Grace. In the plainest of terms, Grace is a divine gift from God that offers salvation. Unlike the concept of Karma, in which your behavior defines how you will be treated, the concept of Grace is that you don't need to do anything to earn it. It is a gift freely given by God. No matter what happens, Grace saves you. Grace can help you get through the day. It can help you overcome obstacles in your life.

What Joel Osteen pointed out is that Grace starts new again everyday. God doesn't give you Grace to hold you over for two weeks, 2 years, or 2 decades. Rather, God gives you a new daily dose of Grace each and every single day, and only for that day. Why? Because God isn't asking you to live for tomorrow. He's asking you to live for today. For me, this has become a very powerful idea as of late. The one thing all of us in this world share is that we have problems. All of us. Everyone on this planet is going through things they wish they didn't need to go through. That's just the way it is. Many times, these problems seem so enormous that we aren't sure how to endure it for so long. However, God isn't asking us to endure it for long. He's just asking us to endure it for today. As a result, He gives us the Grace needed to get through that day.

We all go through personal wars in our lives. However, as it is in any war, the war is won not all at once, but one battle at a time. Each day is a battle, and it's important to fight the war one day (or one battle) at a time. Grace is like ammunition in such a battle, and it is renewed every day. It will give you just the amount of firepower you need for that day, and that day alone.

When I wake up in the morning, I know that I will be able to live properly for that day, because I am taking it one day at a time. Each new day is a clean slate...and I realize that I don't need to worry about the next week or next month. All I know is that I need to live for today, and for today alone, and I will live it to the best of my ability.

The Colonial Mentality: Ignorance VS Apathy

2010-06-27T21:28:00.001-07:00

Recently, one of my students mentioned to me during one of our sessions that he saw one of my video blogs on my YouTube channel entitled "What is The Colonial Mentality?", which has been one of my most popular videos to date. He raised a very good question regarding the importance of cultural awareness and the colonial mentality. It was a question that I never considered addressing until it was brought to my attention, and I hope to address it now.

In my video blog "What is the Colonial Mentality", I discuss the nature of the colonial mentality, specifically as it regards Filipinos. In summary, the Colonial Mentality refers to the mindset of a race of people that reflects it's colonized past, particularly as it regards how the race of people perceive the value of their indigenous culture, or lack thereof. For the most part, Filipinos have been raised to perceive their native culture as inferior to that of other cultures. In the video, I give several examples of this, particularly as it regards Filipino-American youth and their general ignorance of their culture. My student saw this and asked me, "If one doesn't know their culture, is that necessarily a bad thing? Does it make a person less of a human being for not knowing their culture?" Just as a sidenote, this particular student was NOT Filipino. He is, as far as I understand, a man born of Irish descent.

His question certainly caught my attention. Historically speaking, the Filipinos were taught by the Spanish that our indigenous culture wasn't as good as their Western culture. The Spanish went to great lengths to not only get Filipinos to have disdain for their roots, but also, they went out of their way to make sure future generations wouldn't remember the past by burning our temples and our manuscripts. To this day, there are few solid written Filipino historical records from the past. In addition, our ancestors were so busy fighting wars and fighting for freedom that for the most part, there was little time to write down the details of their day for future generations to learn from. They were simply trying to survive, not document history. As a result, most Filipinos today have retained not only a disdain for what is indigenously theirs, but also a general ignorance of the past due to the lack of information available to them.

I feel it is safe to say that in general, ignorance of one's culture isn't necessarily a bad thing. Most Filipinos who are ignorant of their culture don't choose to be. They simply didn't have a choice. Many people may just be unaware of their culture, and that isn't necessarily their fault. Perhaps their parents negelected to teach them about their roots. Perhaps the individual was raised in an environment where they were not only an ethnic minority, but where they may have been the only members of their ethnicity within that town or city. Ignorance of one's roots, in and of itself, isn't necessarily a bad thing. However, when that ignorance mutates into apathy, that is where I feel the problem lies.

Apathy, in my opinion, is more dangerous than ignorance, and unfortunately, most apathy regarding our Filipino heritage stems from general ignorance of the value and beauty of our Filipino culture and history. Most Filipino-American youth who do not care to learn about their roots simply feel apathetic because they don't know enough about it or it's relevance. Unlike ignorance, apathy is, in and of itself, a decision...a decision to not give a damn. Once that occurs, it becomes nearly impossible for the individual to want to know anything about their culture or explore anything within themselves culturally. I personally believe one's culture truly is a mirror which reflects one's personal identity. If one chooses to not look into that mirror, then they may be limiting their ability to learn more about themselves as human beings. Our cultures do not necessarily define who we are as people, but they can impact our belief systems as well as our behavior in many ways. In light of this, I feel that it's important for us to go past our comfort zone and learn who we are on a cultural level, for it may lead us to better understanding of who we are.

There is a saying that goes: "The opposite of love is not hate. Rather, it is indifference." Apathy is the opposite of love...in this case, the love of ones culture. When we choose to ignore our culture, we choose to learn less about our roots...which leads to us learning less about ourselves. If you choose to not learn more about yourself, it becomes harder to understand others. Personally, I feel that my knowledge of my culture empowers me. It gives me a better insight into who I am and as a result, I have a better grasp of what I stand for.

How to Keep the Fire Burning

2010-06-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was a kid, I was always interested in outdoor activities, one of them being firemaking. In recent years, I've learned many different ways to start and maintain a fire outdoors. Recently, I've discovered how building a fire truly applies to who we are and how we about different aspects of our lives.

About a year ago, I went to a camp for Atienza Kali known as Camp 505. One of the activities was building a fire in unideal conditions. While the drill taught me how to persevere and overcome the odds, it also showed me the power firemaking can have in all aspects of one's life.

In my experience, to build a fire, you need a few things. You'll need a firestarter, which is something that can create a spark or flame (matches, lighters, flint and magnesium, etc). However, this is not enough. You need more than just that. You will need tinder, which is material you need to catch flame and keep it going. Tinder could be anything that can catch fire or maintain a flame such as dry branches, cotton, leaves, etc. You need to make sure that you use this tinder to create the base of the fire, which is the platform in which you are building your fire on. Without this base, the fire will die out. Once your base is solid, you will need to constantly feed the flame with good tinder and good materials. The moment you stop feeding the flame with the right materials, the quicker the fire dies out.

As simple as this process seems, people who build fires realize how difficult it is to keep a fire going. I've seen many people try to build a fire by just depending on the firestarter. They have a lighter or match and think just because they can get a spark or light a flame, then the fire will take care of itself. What they soon realize is that without the proper base of tinder and good materials, the fire quickly dies. I have seen people who have both the firestarter AND the right tinder, which in theory, should be enough to keep a fire going. However, they light a piece of tinder and make it catch fire, and try desperately to keep feeding tinder to the lit piece of tinder to keep it going. However, this doesn't work well, either, as they are frantically trying to feed the fire over and over as it dies.

The most important thing to building a fire is to have the right BASE. If you have a solid base of the right materials, then the spark can ignite a flame, and that flame can keep going. The more you feed the base with the right material, the fire continues to grow and grow. Eventually, you have a fire that only needs to be maintained every few minutes as opposed to every second.

In the various parts of our lives, we need a solid base to keep the fire going in whatever we do.

In our relationships, you need a solid base to keep that relationship going. That base needs to consist of solid beliefs, experiences, and events that you and the other person (significant other, friend, relative, etc.) have built the foundation of the relationship on. It's easy to start a "spark" or "flame" in any relationship. That spark or flame can be physical attraction or emotional attraction. It's easy to even feed that flame to some degree with different emotions. But without a base, the fire in the relationship quickly dies. A base in any relationship is built with time, patience, and work, and this serves as the foundation of any strong relationship. With a good solid base of experiences shared between you and the other person, the flame can continue to flourish because your belief in the relationship is built upon on the experiences you and the other person have shared together. In times of struggle, you can call upon that base of experiences to reinforce your belief in that relationship.

In our professional lives, you need a solid base to keep your hunger to improve and suceed. It's not enough to just go through the motions and hope to succeed. If you want to improve yourself financially, then you need to improve yourself mentally and spiritually. You need to feed the base of your desire with the right materials: a good support system, a strong sense of will, and the right resources.

It always amazes me how something as primitive as building a fire can really help you see things in life in a different light.

The Clark Kent Syndrome

2010-06-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. When I try to recall my earliest memories as a child, the one thing that comes to mind is an iconic character virtually everyone on the planet recognizes: Superman. Everyone knows about Superman, it seems. However, few people ever really look at Clark Kent, Superman's human identity. As of late, I've been looking away from Superman and more into the symbolic representation of Clark Kent. Personally, I think all of us are a "Clark Kent" in some way or another, and the more I think about it, there is a lot to be gleaned from that.

Currently, I am not exactly the biggest Superman fan. However, as a child, I was obsessed with him. The first Superman movie starring Christopher Reeve (who in my opinion, was a true hero in every sense of the word) was like a pacifier for me as a toddler, according to my parents. They used to have a copy of it on VHS and Betamax (yes, Betamax...for all you kids too young to remember that, ask your parents) and had to take the movie pretty much anywhere we went on vacation. It was one of the only things that would stop me from crying as a baby. When I was in high school, the TV show "Smallville" premiered and for good period of time it got me interested in my childhood superhero all over again. Watching Kristin Kreuk on a weekly basis, the girl who played Lana Lang, was an added bonus, of course.

While every movie, comic, and graphic novel has mentioned Clark Kent, there have been few mediums that focus solely on his nature. Everyone knows about Superman, and everyone knows about Superman's powers. Flight. Super strength. Invulnerability. Heat vision. Freezing breath. Super speed. Super senses. The guy's powers are practically infinite, and it seems that every few years, different powers and abilities are bestowed upon him. But, no one seems to really look at Clark Kent. Clark Kent is a normal guy from the midwest. Clark Kent tries to vie for Lois Lane's attention, but, she is infatuated with his alter ego, Superman. As a young man, he possesses great skills and abilities but isn't quite sure how to use them yet. He goes through life relatively unnoticed by others outside of his immediate circle, but he knows he's supposed to do something great with his life.

I think that while we can all agree that we can't identify with the abilities of Superman, we can definitely identify with the nature of Clark Kent. In fact, all of us are a Clark Kent in some way. We are human. Many go through this life doing their best to make the most of it. Most of us work for a living. Sometimes, it seems we go unnoticed by those around us. But I feel that somewhere inside of our souls is a "Superman" just waiting to be revealed. For many, this Superman is dormant. Many refuse to believe they could even possess a Superman within them, much less reveal him to the world. Others believe that they aren't good enough to have a Superman residing inside their hearts. But, there are some out there who believe that they do have a Superman within them. They believe they can change the world. They believe they can be instruments of hope for others.

In my own life, there are people who need me to be Superman. They need me to be strong, invulnerable, and able to do great and amazing things. But a handful of people, the ones I hold closest to me, need me to be Clark Kent. For the most part, I try to be the Superman in my life...pushing really hard trying to make everything right while trying to save situations and people around me, that I forget that I am only human. Despite my skills, passion, and abilities, I need to remember that you can't save everyone right away. People may want to save themselves every once in a while. This is how they are able to grow as individuals, and they need that space to flourish and learn. However, when they feel that they need me, I will be there to help them. After all, Superman doesn't show up unless people ask for his help or really need his help.

Right now, I need to know the right time and right place to be Superman for those in my life. I can't be Superman all the time, and I can't be Clark Kent all the time. I need to figure out the right time and place for both. I realize that now.

The Topic That Has Always Captured My Interest

2010-05-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

I don't discuss the following topic much. Nowadays, you could be ridiculed or put under a microscope the moment you talk about it. I may allude to it at times. I may mention it here and there. But, it's been a long time since I've openly discussed my thoughts on the subject. For those who know me pretty well, I have always talked about it openly. However, it has been a very. very long time since I've spoken about this particular topic in an open forum such as this. The main reason for this is because I've truly pissed a lot of people off in the past when it came to talking about this, and I made this beautiful, wonderful topic look really bad from my past behavior. Hopefully I can come clean and discuss this topic in the most straightforward, honest, and humble way I can. This is not easy for me. I can't promise it'll make everyone happy, but I feel this entry is long overdue.

The topic: Christianity. Christianity has always, without a doubt, been a huge part of who I am and has for the longest time, been a pillar in my life. More specifically, I have always been interested in how Christianity is relevant, and how it also fails to be relevant in these modern times. I have always been fascinated by Christianity and I've always been fascinated at how different people view Christianity. I believe in God. I believe in Christ. I pray everyday. I read the Bible everyday, Psalms, Proverbs, and the Book of Matthew the most often. But, it's difficult for me to discuss Christianity openly, mainly because I don't think I am a good representation of Christ or Christianity. Christ taught to love your enemies. I loathe my enemies. Christ taught us to turn the other cheek. I train people to hit first. Christ teaches to forgive seventy time seven times when your neighbor wrongs you. I may be able to forgive once, but after that...you are on your own. As crazy as it sounds, by Christ's standards (not the world's standards), I am an adulterer and a murderer.

Despite all this, I still feel immensely drawn to Christianity. I'm not sure why. It could be because of my Christian upbringing, but then again, I know a ton of people who were brought up Christian but no longer practice as adults. Personally, I think I'm drawn to Christianity not because of who I am or how I grew up, but rather, who I want to be.

When I look at Christianity, aside from my faith in it, I see a belief system that is quite possibly the most utilitarian and complete ethical and spiritual belief system I have ever seen. Christ's teachings barely discuss complicated, esoteric metaphysical concepts. Rather, his teachings are often based on everyday things: relationships with people, how to treat others, how to look after the people society usually forgets (the sick, the homeless, the hookers, the poor). He talks about faith and the power it can have on people. He talks about humility. He talks about sacrificing your own life for one's friends. He talks about honesty. These things are all concepts that most people, Christian or not, can see eye to eye on.

However, it's a shame that Christ doesn't have the best P.R. agents. As I said before, I don't think I am a good representation of him. Most of what I am seeing in Christianity today is an odd subculture of Christian music (which, for the most part, I've never been a fan of) and people with a political or social agenda. In the past, I was in prayer groups and Christian groups where they would talk about God's love and mercy one minute and the next thing you knew these same people were anything but loving and merciful (and sadly, I was one of them). These people would keep their Bibles close but would keep people far away from them out of suspicion and judgement. From my experience, I haven't really had the fondest moments being with other Christians. I can only think of a handful of times where I have met Christians that I saw eye to eye with. For the most part, I've found most Christians to be sincere people, but from my experience, they taught me to pray my problems away as opposed to solving them the way I feel God wants me to.

There is no real way to "define" how a Christian should look and appear to be, but, I think at the core, something Christ-like needs to be there. As a Christian, it isn't enough to just be "kind" and "loving". Anyone can be kind and loving, regardless of faith or lack thereof. But, to be a Christian requires one to be kind and loving as the result of God's love, especially when the Christian has every right to be anything but loving and kind. This is very difficult for me, honestly. I'm still trying to figure it out.

I'm not sure why I wrote this entry. I guess it is a way for me to recognize that my faith is still important. FMA is my whole life but without my faith in Christianity I don't think I would be half the instructor, fighter, or leader that I try to be everyday. As an FMA leader, I need to be strong, calm under pressure, and possess an ability to stay focused regardless of what challenge is in front of me. But, Christianity keeps me honest and humble. It reminds me that no matter how much skill I have, I am still human and I still make mistakes. Christianity and FMA both keep me in line, but Christianity reminds me that there is something bigger and greater than me that I need to lean on.

The Question

2010-05-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

I am asked the same question time and time again. In fact, I ask myself this same question time and time again. This question has defined most of my decisions and my behavior the majority of my life. For some reason, I don't know the answer to it. Everyday I try to get closer to finding the answer. But, the closer I seem to get, the more the answer eludes me.

The question is, "Why are you so passionate about the Filipino martial arts?" To take the question even further..."Why have I chosen to devote so much time and energy to the Filipino martial arts? Why have I gone as far as to make this my mission in life as well as my livelihood?"

Before, I used to think I had the answer. I used to think it was about being in touch with my Filipino roots. I used to think it was about spreading the Filipino culture. I used to think it was about having fun and swinging weapons around. But, at this point, I realize none of those statements provided a true answer.

There is something deep within me, something that I cannot seem to shake. It is a yearning to constantly train and improve. It's an obsession to be able to LIVE the art, to improve my life and others' lives through the art, and to be able to make a successful living at it. I do not know why I feel this way. But, it's something that is inside my heart and soul that I can't seem to explain.

When I hold a weapon in my hand, I feel like it's SUPPOSED to be there. Like my arms and legs, it's as if it is a part of me. When most people look at a weapon, they get scared. They see a tool of destruction and violence. For me, when I see a weapon, I see a tool akin to a paintbrush, a musical instrument, or a lump of sculpting clay. It is a tool for violence, for sure, but it is also a tool to explore my creative faculties. For me, the Filipino martial arts is more than a way to combat physical threats. It's also a means of self-expression. Filipino martial arts gives me a venue where I can create and design....where all of my influences come together at an apex and my mind and soul is put to good, creative use. This training has given more than just fighting skill. It has given me way more than that. It has given me a place to grow, improve, and develop myself. Without God bringing such influences into my life, I have no idea where I'd be today.

I know it must seem odd that a 24 year old is so focused and passionate and the Filipino martial arts and is constantly training, creating different methods, and working so hard to make a successful living from it. I know that most people in their early 20s would rather spend time hanging out in bars and clubs. I know it probably makes more sense for me to just train in Filipino martial arts as a hobby. But, that isn't enough for me. For me, I put all of my focus into this art. Again, I have no idea why. It's just some intangible driving force that has consumed me to learn everything I can, train as much as I can, and help make this world better through this art.

I know God has His reasons for this. He could've made me passionate about anything: medicene, basketball, music, priesthood. But, this is what He placed within my heart. I believe He gave it to me to serve a Higher purpose. This is what I've been called to do. And, make no mistake about it: This is my calling. I am sure of it.

What's In A Name?

2010-05-05T17:42:00.000-07:00

When I began what was going to be Bayani Warrior in 2003, I was just a college freshmen trying to find people to train with while away from home while away at school. Before, my group didn't have a name. It was just a group I formed to spread Filipino martial arts and keep my skills sharp. I never thought of actually naming the group before, and I struggled to come up with a name that described a system that I had no intention of systematizing. However, it's a system that, while led and founded by me, I still believe it doesn't BELONG to me.

People would come in to train and ask "What's the name of this style?" I told them we called it Arnis or Kali. Then they'd say, "What's the name of the style? Like, if I were to tell people about it, what's the name?" I never really thought about it to be honest. Some people suggested I call it Pana Kali-Arnis, and I tried calling it that for a month, but I felt it was too pretentious for me to do that. I was just a kid in college and I never had to use this stuff to kill anyone, so I didn't think it was right to name the system after myself. Also, no one else in my family seems to know this art as far as I know, so to name a system after my whole family would also be a misnomer.

One summer before my junior year, I went to the Philippines with a group of Americans to do volunteer work one summer in Baguio, the other Americans and I were referred to as "Bayani". We didn't know what the word meant. All I knew was that all the natives kept referring us as "Bayani" and it was one of the only Tagalog words I heard that even white Americans could pronounce properly. Eventually, I would come to the understanding that the word Bayani means "hero", someone who serves and puts the needs of the innocent above themselves. I liked the word. I liked it a lot. When I got back to attend college in the Fall, I decided to call the FMA group I led the "Bayani" group, but it seemed to lack something. I then added the word "Warrior" to the group because being a warrior was something I aspired to be my whole life. I feel that most of us have the potential to be a "Bayani". We all have an aspect of our personality which enables us to sacrifice and help others. But, to be a true warrior takes a LOT of work. The Bayani, I felt, was already within me...but the Warrior side was something I wanted to work up to.

Some people actually objected to it. One person said, "You should call it Pana Fighting Systems." Another said, "Why don't you just stick to Pana Kali-Arnis?"

The reason why I chose Bayani Warrior as the group's name is not just because it names our ideals. I call this group Bayani Warrior because, as strange as it may sound, this art...this "system"...it is NOT mine. It's not mine, much in the same way that my heritage is not mine. This art, while it's directed and led by me, really belongs to guys like my great-grandfather (my grandmother's father), who was a village leader during his time and had bolos, kampilans, clubs, and even .45 caliber pistols either on his person or nearby, always at the ready. He used to be the guy to go to for training, or if you wanted to challenge a man to a duel, you had to get his permission first. This art belongs to my great-grandfather Exequiel Castillo, who once challenged the former president of the Philippines, Jose Laurel, to a duel during their teens in Batangas (took a club and hit the former president in the skull, knocked him down, and walked away...and got stabbed when he wasn't looking). This art belongs to guys like my grandfather (my father's father), who served in World War II as a guerrilla and his Jungle Bolo is still around to this day. The art has gotten lost in my family line somewhere in the last two generations, but there is something in me calling me to bring it back in some way.

Above all else, this art belongs to God, and the instructors He has placed in my way to guide me and train me (Tuhon Carl Atienza being the biggest influence to date).

I can never call Bayani Warrior MINE in the pure sense of the term. Yes, I did put the system together. Yes, I am the guiding force behind it. But, I will not say it is mine. To say it is mine is to assume that I never had any instructors who trained me. To say it is mine is to assume that I came up with all of this all by myself without anyone's help. To do so would, in my eyes, be disrespectful. Bayani Warrior is the term that I use to describe not only our group's ideals, but also the Warriors in my bloodline and the instructors in my life who trained me and guided me.

These men and women are my heroes, but they are also warriors.

They are what it means to be a Bayani Warrior.

The Bumpy Road

2010-04-07T18:06:00.001-07:00

I've been looking at how my life has changed so drastically within the last year. About a year ago, I left my previous job as a personal trainer. The money wasn't bad, and I enjoyed being able to train people and get paid for it. But, something was missing for me. I felt as if I was working more on selling than I was actually training people, and thus, I felt that I needed a change. After a lot of thought, I then decided to leave the job behind and attempt to pursue teaching Filipino martial arts professionally.

Unfortunately at the time, things couldn't have been any more difficult. After I left my job at the gym, I realized I pretty much had no client base. I was pretty much empty on clientele and I had to start off fresh. Admittedly, for the first few months, money was scarce. Luckily, I saved enough money from my previous job to be somewhat comfortable, but I knew I couldn't live off of it forever. I decided to push myself to the limit and focus all of my time transforming Bayani Warrior from a rag-tag group of former college kids who sparred in a garage all day into a legitimate operation.

Again, I was faced with challenges. First, there were the external pressures. People all around me were doubting if I could do it. People kept saying how no one would want to pay me to train them, and how the recession would screw me over. Surprisingly, I actually listened to them, and I ended up doubting myself. For several months, I felt like I was driving a car with one foot on the gas pedal and another foot on the brake pedal at the same time. I'd move forward, stop, pull in reverse, stop, and go forward again. At the time, the few students I had either quit or were facing financial hardships themselves, and as a result, couldn't train despite their desire to do so. I didn't know what to do. I would pray to God everyday to help me figure out what to do, and it seemed like no matter how hard I prayed, I was still stuck in the same spot.

However, I kept pressing on. I made a new You Tube channel and tried to brainstorm ways to get more students to actually make a living off of this. But, I kept running into obstacle after obstacle.

As the Spring passed and Summer began, I found an advertisement online asking for a martial arts instructor to teach at a center in Morristown, NJ. I remember my first two paychecks. One had twenty dollars on it, and the other had nine dollars on it. That was it. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough students to teach and as a result, I was making NO money teaching. In fact, even if I combined both checks, I still wouldn't have enough money to fill up my gas tank to make the 45 minute drive from Edison to Morristown. During this time, I was still trying to brainstorm ways to actually get a client base. At this time, I had about 2 or 3 students who were training off and on. That was it. Anyone who was around during those days with me knows how small the group was. I could count the members of the organization on one hand, literally, and as a result, I was still frustrated and broke.

Somewhere around this time, I had an epiphany of sorts. I was focusing so much on the pain and the struggles I was going through that I ended up forgetting about the GOAL. The goal was simple: Get a solid client base of at least 10 students that were consistent and loyal. I ended up seeking ways to develop myself spiritually. I read the Bible, Tony Robbins, and began meditating and praying regularly again. I knew if I could get stronger spiritually, then I could muster up the strength to move forward. However, personal battles arose with people around me at the time, and I was once again, frustrated and lost. I debated continuing my pursuit of teaching FMA and began looking at other options in the Education and Law Enforcement field. I even considered quitting altogether at one point and simply enroll in Graduate School simply because I didn't know what else to do. I felt like I was just wandering aimlessly.

Then came Atienza Kali 505. It consisted of four days of training the Atienza Kali way in the Poconos. I did a lot at that 505 camp. I did things I thought I'd never be able to do. I was put through challenges and was able to work through them. It was as if that training totally came in just at the right time. It was like pressing a reset button. I knew that nothing was impossible after that 505. I came back ready to work and improve my life.

But then, the week I came back, I was given some bad news: My godfather, Joey Navarro, died. This guy was one of the few people I really trusted, and after all I've been through, knowing he was gone, I was mad. I felt alone. I didn't feel like I lost an uncle. I felt like I lost a trusted ally. However, I wasn't alone in this. My girlfriend, family, and even my instructor Tuhon Carl Atienza (who I credit with helping me assess my situation properly) helped get me through it. Their words helped me see things in a completely different light.

Summer was almost over, and Fall was right around the corner. While I was not as frustrated as before, I was still struggling financially. But this time, I had the spiritual and mental tools to work through the obstacles in front of me. I was more determined than ever to succeed.

I decided to rent out the space in Morristown by the month, and in time I had a group of 3 students with me. I became acquainted with more people who had the desire to train in FMA. These people became very consistent and loyal students. While I wasn't making that much money at the time, I was definitely able to say that I was making money teaching FMA, even if it wasn't that much at the time.

By November, I had people coming up to me with the desire to train. I decided to save up the money I had and I invested in making a website sometime in early December. It took a while, but by mid-January, I was getting calls and emails from more and more people who wanted to train. By February, I had the amount of students I needed. Some left, but it seemed that there were people more than willing to take their place.

Now, I am looking back on events in the last year and I realize that while it wasn't the easiest, I realize that I am light years ahead of where I was. It reinforces my belief that with any goal, no matter how big, it's important just get STARTED and begin. Granted, it took a while, but now, I am finally seeing things come together for me. Bayani Warrior is growing everyday, and while I only started really doing this successfully these last six months or so, I realize that it just took time for God to drill it into my head that if I really want something, I need to know exactly what it is I want, I need to work my ass off for it, and I need to have the faith and courage that I can do it. But, most of all, it's important to just take that first step and just keep on moving. The road may be bumpy, but you need to travel it intelligently with a focused mind and a faith-filled spirit. The more you tell yourself how much things suck and how broke you are...the more broke and frustrated you will be. However, if you do the opposite and focus on the things you do want, the more successful you will be. If you want to succeed, you need to think and speak like a successful person.

I am still getting used to this phase of my life. It hasn't been until recently that things really started coming together for me. I am NOT where I want to be just yet...but I know in time, things will get better and better. I have more and more goals. I know the only way I can go is UP.

Things can only get better from here.

A World Without Me

2010-04-04T21:21:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (nothing new about that I suppose). Sometimes I wonder what this world would be like if I never existed. This wasn't done in a depressive, suicidal way. I simply became curious as to what this world would be like if I never existed. I look at the people I know and I ask myself how they would be different if I never came along.

I feel it's important for us as people to make this world better. I think it's important that people benefit from our presence.

I've done a lot of things in my life. Some good. Some bad. Some exciting. Some boring. I've won the respect of many but there are many haters out there who want to see me fail epically.

Regardless of what I have done in my life, I want to make sure that I have positively impacted this world. I want to make sure that people I have met are living a bit better because of my presence in their lives.

I want to know that this world is better that I am in it.

Decisions, Sacrifice, and Pursuing Your Passion

2010-03-29T08:33:00.001-07:00

It's been almost a year since I decided to leave my previous job and recently decided to teach Filipino martial arts full time. Up to that point, I was constantly in battle with myself. Questions kept popping up within me: Could I do it? Could I succeed? What if I don't succeed? Or, more importantly...what if I DO succeed? Looking back on myself a year ago and seeing where I am now, I must say that it was the best decision I've ever made. Bayani Warrior is still growing, and I am not exactly where I want to be just yet...but I am way better now spiritually, mentally, and financially than I was a year ago. It may be just a recently growing group but I hope and pray it gets bigger in years to come.

Now, I must be honest in saying that it's not an easy path I have chosen. While I enjoy truly being my own boss, and doing what I love, we need to remember that this is a truly challenging undertaking. Bayani Warrior will only grow if I work 110 percent, every moment, of every day. I have to constantly train, recruit, and maintain a steady client base. Every hour, I am writing, researching, working on my website, and making promotional videos for our You Tube channel. Also, since I am self-employed, I honestly do not have that much of a social life since I don't have any co-workers to hang out with after work. However, despite all these challenges, I need to make it clear that everything I have done in this past year has been based on solid decision making. When I set out to pursue this, I did not simply state preferences on how I'd "like" to be or how I'd "like" things to turn out. I decided to take a stand in my life and pursue this. In fact, the etymology of the word "decision" literally translates to "cut off from" or "to sever from". In that respect, I had to sever any and all doubts and hindrances that would prevent me from giving my all towards this goal. I had to sacrifice the stability of a "normal" job as well as a more vibrant social life to pursue this.

Bayani Warrior, for me, is not a job...it's not me pursuing a hobby and doing a job that is fun for me. Rather, it is my lifestyle. Bayani Warrior, for me, is my full-time job, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Everything I do, from how I eat, dress, speak, think, and even the way I park my car in a parking lot....it all stems from my training and how it affects my lifestyle. The same goes for who I speak to and associate with.

A lot of people may think, "That sounds very restrictive. What kind of life is that?" For me, a restrictive life would be a life in which one is not pursuing what makes them truly and ultimately fulfilled as a human being. My whole life, I've seen people who simply float through the river of life without any passion or desire to realize their full potential. However, I have also come across people in my life who, against all odds, fought against the river and carved out a fulfilling destiny for themselves.

The fact is that I am doing exactly what I feel God has put me on this planet to do. It's not just teaching Filipino martial arts. Anyone can teach cool fighting moves. Rather, it's helping people improve themselves spiritually, emotionally, and physically through Filipino warrior training. I am using Filipino warrior arts as a rallying point for all those people in the world who WANT more out of life. I am using this art to aid those who want to be able to live a more focused lifestyle. It is not an easy path, but it is a path I am more than happy to pursue.

6 Things Filipino Parents Should Know

2010-03-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

I have been blessed with, what could possibly be, the best parents on earth. No lie. It's not just my opinion. It's the opinion of my girlfriend, my friends, and my siblings' friends. What makes it even crazier that my parents are FILIPINO. My parents are very different from other Filipino parents I have encountered. I am very fortunate. From what I've seen in the past 10 years, most Filipino parents have no idea how their kids feel, nor do they consider their child's emotional and spiritual well-being to be of primary concern. Sadly, I have found that most Filipino-American kids are estranged or harbor ill feelings towards their parents.

The following are 6 Things Filipino Parents Should Know. This is not an entry pointing out the flaws in all Filipino parents. These are simply things that most Filipino youth are feeling, yet they do not have the means to express it.

1) Never, under any circumstances, compare your kid to someone else: You should NEVER compare your child's intellect, sense of dress, body type, or level of athletic/musica/academic ability to another child's. Why? Because it makes your kid feel like complete crap, that's why! Your child is a unique creation. They are YOURS. They have their own set of talents, abilities, and attributes that set them apart from the rest. By comparing them to other kids, you are only highlighting their faults. Instead, highlight what makes them great. Odds are that somewhere out there, some parent is comparing their kid to YOURS. Just something to keep in mind.

2) Put the emotional and spiritual well-being of your child FIRST: From what I have encountered as a young Filipino-American adult, I have noticed that a common problem that Filipino youth have toward their parents is that they feel that their parents only care about two things: Academics and Money. These two things are definitely important, but I have found that most Filipino parents put so much emphasis on these two things that they neglect their child's emotional and spiritual well-being. Most Filipino parents I have encountered assume that just because their kid is getting good grades, that they are able to keep a roof over their head and feed them, then they are doing fine. Nothing could be further from the truth. Academic success is not a measure of how your child is doing as a human being, nor is their financial status. Far too many Filipino parents put way too much emphasis on the external things (i.e. grades, looks, money, etc.) as opposed to seriously looking into the hearts and minds of their kids. As a result, most Filipino kids that I have come across feel that their parents truly do not care about them. No matter how good your child's grades are...no matter how much money they may make in the future...if you don't show that you care about the way they feel, then your child will resent you for it. Make sure to show your child that you care about not what they are getting in school or how much money they make, but that you care about who they are and how they feel.

3) Cherish your child's opinions: In the standard Filipino home, it is not a democracy...it's a dictatorship. The parent makes the rules. The kids follow the rules. Simple, right? Well, perhaps in early 20th century Philippines it worked, but not anymore. Your children spend 7 hours a day, 5 days a week in an American school system where they are encouraged to raise their hands and speak up about the topic at hand. When your kid tries to express their opinion about something that they disagree with you on, don't take offense to it. Don't view it as a mutiny. Instead, listen to them...they may have something important to say. Just because they are your children, doesn't mean they have child-like minds. Listen to them and appreciate what they have to say. They may see things that you don't see.

4) We are in America. Not the Philippines.: Traditional Filipino values are wonderful. I feel that they root us in a firm moral grounding. Filipino values emphasize hard work ethic, strong family ties, and respect for one's elders. However, Filipino parents who have raised their kids here in the USA must realize that their kids will NOT behave the same way or share all of the same values as their parents. The culture of America and the culture of the Philippines is not the same. Please don't spout phrases like, "If we were in the Philippines, then you would not be behaving this way." Well, we aren't in the Philippines. We are in America. We are grateful for it. We are not completely Filipino. While we may have Filipino roots, we are an American tree...a tree that you grew here on American soil, not Filipino soil. We aren't throwing our Filipino values out the window...we are simply adjusting them to become relevant in American society.

5) Let us pursue what we truly want to pursue: Yes, medicine and business may be "safe" routes to take financially. If one wants to pursue medicine or business...then more power to them! However, if one does not feel that those two avenues are for them, then please, don't judge them. Your child may be meant for something else. Again, this is NOT the Philippines where one needs to go into a specific field of study to survive and raise a family. This is AMERICA. This is the land where we can actually pursue our dreams and succeed. You brought us here for a better life. Remember that having a better life involves more than just financial security. It must have spiritual fulfillment as well.

6) Congratulate our good deeds: If we do the dishes or clean the kitchen properly, then it'd be great to hear "Thank you" or "Good work". Now most Filipino parents will say, "Well, it's my kid's job to do those chores anyway. Why should I bother thanking them or congratulating them?" If you want to encourage good behavior, you must reinforce it by verbally communicating your support of their behavior. If you fail to acknowledge the good work your child has done, then you are not encouraging their good behavior. By encouraging good behavior, you will see more of it.

8 Filipino Martial Arts Principles That ANYONE Can Utilize

2010-02-27T17:17:00.000-08:00

My life's passion is learning, teaching, and researching the Filipino martial arts. For these last few years, my biggest challenge was trying to figure out how to apply my Filipino martial arts training to not only physical combat, but to everyday life. In that time, I've come across tactics and methods in the Filipino martial arts that, while historically designed for the rigors of life-and-death combat, also apply to everyday life as well.

1) Awareness, above all, is the greatest weapon you can possess: Most people come to me to learn how to protect themselves using hand-held weaponry. I always say that while the FMAs teach many different forms of weaponry and skill sets, I still feel that awareness is the most valuable tool of all. It's the one weapon that can get you out of most situations because it often prevents you from getting into trouble in the first place. Detecting trouble before it happens beats duking it out any day of the week. It's the one weapon that no one can confiscate from you. You can take it with you everywhere...onto a plane, train, school campus, government building, etc. Awareness throughout one's life, as it does in combat, it allows you to detect problems before they occur. A verbal fight with your significant other, for example, could have been prevented if you aware of their behavior or emotional cues that may have hinted that they are upset or had a bad day. That credit card bill you are late paying for could have been prevented if you kept up to date with your bills. All in all, awareness is key for simply being on top of problems before they have the chance to manifest.

2) Attack First: In the FMAs, the primary means of dealing with an attack is to simply attack the enemy before he can attack you. If the enemy tries to deliver a strike to your head with a machete, step off line and sever his hand off. If the enemy reaches to draw their blade, draw yours first and take them out before they even have a chance of drawing their weapon. Likewise, in life, when you see a problem arise, DEAL WITH IT RIGHT AWAY. Don't avoid it. Don't wait for the problem to disappear. Face the problem and take it out immediately.

3) Remain fluid in combat: Filipino martial arts are all about adapting to the situation and never fighting force against force. FMAs are known for their "flow drills", in which two people exchange pre-arranged strikes back and forth as a means of training repetitions of techniques over and over again in a fluid format. Brute Strength is not a necessary attribute in Kali training. On the contrary, the Filipino arts teach students how to flow from one technique to the next without meeting force on force as much as possible. In life, I feel it's important to be fluid as well. When unideal circumstances are placed before us, we need to move with the nature of the situation as a means to gain control over it. We need to constantly adapt to whatever we may face.

4) Keep Moving: Filipino martial arts focus a lot on footwork to properly control distance between you and your adversary as well as to properly position yourself in an advantageous position to land a clean strike. Your weapon should be in constant motion as a means to set up attacks and even function as a shield against strikes. In life, we can never remain stagnant. It's important keep moving, to keep pressing on towards bigger and better things. Never become comfortable...always seek to move towards success and goals.

5) You are always armed: The FMAs are a weapons-based system of combat. Most people in America assume that if the Filipino Kali fighter is without a stick or blade, then they are helpless. Nothing could be further from the truth. As an FMA practitioner, one must be able to adapt and adopt anything around them as a weapon: a pen can be used for thrusting, a flashlight can be an improvised Batuta (short baton), baseball bats make excellent clubs, and a cup of hot coffee can serve as painful and burning projectile. In life, one is never without resources. Even when it feels like the world is falling down on you, you always have something or someone positive to turn to. When you have a deadline to meet and you are stressing out, or if you are scrambling to pay your bills, you can always find a way to adapt and utilize what is at your disposal to rise above the challenge.

6) Be well-rounded in as many weapons as you can: A lot of FMA systems specialize in one particular form of weaponry, but I have come across others that exclusively dedicate themselves to just one weapon. There is nothing wrong with this, but I feel that if one is to truly be able to adapt to any situation, then they need to have skills with any weapon they can find whether it be a club, knife, machete, spear, bow and arrow, empty hands, and firearms. Likewise, in life, it pays to have a diverse skill set. To focus on just one thing solely and completely may limit your growth in your chosen calling or profession. It's important to learn and develop other skills not as a means of taking away attention from what you set out to accomplish, but to enrich your understanding of whatever it is you seek to focus on as your passion.

7) Break down your enemy when facing them in combat: One of the things I love about Filipino martial arts (especially from my training in Atienza Kali) is that because weapons are involved, one does not necessarily concern themselves with mere size and strength of their adversary. Rather, the adversary is broken down into targets and the attacks are broken down into angles of attack as well as the responses of your enemy. By breaking down the enemy into targets, responses, and angles, one can better defeat them because one is behaving logically. Likewise, I have been realizing recently that when it comes to solving life's problems, it's important to break it down as much as possible. Look at it from every possible angle and assess every point of note. By doing this, life's problems won't seem so big.

8) Walk with humility, but accept any challenge: The Filipino masters of old were known for fighting in challenge matches, in which one individual would openly challenge another individual to test their skills in an actual fight. While many today would discourage such challenge matches today, one must look at what our predecessors did in a different light. Few of the masters would walk around boasting about their skills, but if challenged, they would never turn the fight down. In life, when we are faced with a challenge, it's important to accept it. It's difficult for sure, but challenges are simply another opportunity to learn how to grow. When challenges are placed before us, we need to dig down deep and push through it...to deal with the pain...to deal with the fear and emotion. That is the only way we can truly grow as individuals.

Many people who have read the above eight probably assume that this entry is an exercise with me trying to flex my wisdom to the world. That's hardly the case here. Yes, I have written this for you, Dear Reader, to possibly explore a bit into my world and how my passion for Filipino warrior arts has shaped and defined my life. But, I have written this entry mainly for one person...a person who needs these eight principles...a person who needs to remind themselves of these eight principles time and time again.

That person is me.

The F-Word Part 2

2010-01-14T14:57:00.000-08:00

In the first installment of "The F-Word" I spoke about how the power of the F-Word can truly elevate one to reach their highest potential and to live a much more powerful and productive life. In the last week or so, I've been through some things that have challenged the F-word in my own life. I won't go into them, but I feel that even in these dire circumstances, the F-word still plays a huge role in how to overcome life's challenges. Before I continue, let me just say that this is not an entry based on religious faith per se. Rather, it is an entry based on the concept of faith and how, unfortunately, it is necessary for it to be tested.

I was a Philosophy major back in college. Initially, I went into Philosophy to see whether or not I could defend faith, which in my case, was religious faith. In my Junior year, I was in a Classical Philosophy class which covered the concept of faith. Despite the fact that I was attending a Catholic university, the room was filled with people from all walks of life...ironically, the predominant group being atheists and agnostics. The professor asked us, "What is faith?" I sat there honestly perplexed. From my previous experiences, I could never successfully defend faith in a public setting. I simply sat there and waited to see what they would say. A girl sitting behind me raised her hand and said, "Faith is just a way for people to trick themselves into thinking everything will be okay. When bad things happen, they use faith as a way to make themselves feel better." Another guy raised up his hand and said, "Faith is irrational. Faith is just something people use as an excuse to start wars, hate gays and lesbians, and judge people."

Then, another guy raised his hand. He was a seminarian. Now, he didn't look like a person studying to be a priest, I will tell you that. I knew the guy from a bunch of my other Philosophy classes. I often saw him smoking a cigarette outside before class. I never knew his name. But, he raised his hand and said something that basically shut everyone up, and I will never forget it.

He said calmly, "That is not what faith is. Faith is, when everything in the world is going wrong...when all the suffering in the world seems to be in front of you...faith is the thing that makes you say 'Look, I don't know why this is happening. I don't know why I keep suffering this way. But, I have faith that this is for a reason. I have faith that I will come out of this. I have faith I can make it through.' It is the belief that there is something beyond me that believes in my ability to handle it." The other two people who previously answered began to debate him, but it was clear that their definition of faith wasn't based on anything other than emotional responses.

I walked out of that room still a bit confused, but overall, I felt that I left class with a better understanding of what faith was than when I entered the class that day.

Oftentimes, when bad things happen, we cannot understand why they happen. I know I sure don't. Faith is one of the hardest things to maintain. When the chaos of the world surrounds you, it's hard to just "have faith". Suffering feels like you are being submerged in water...the water gets higher and higher and no matter how hard you try to stay afloat and catch a breath of air, it seems that you are just going to drown. Yes, it's hard to have faith. It's hard to believe that things can get better when the whole world seems to be falling apart around you. But, I feel we need to re-define our concept of faith.

Faith is not a band aid...it is surgery designed to fix you from the inside out. Faith is not a blindfold to blind yourself from your problems...it is the corrective lenses that help improve your vision. Faith is not an opiate...faith is painful and hurts like hell, make no mistake about it. Faith is not a crutch...it is the physical therapist that teaches you how to walk again.

In my eyes, keeping the faith is like building a fire...it's easy to start it and it can keep you warm for a little while, but it is really hard and takes a lot of work to keep it going. But, I am reminded of a quote by one of my personal heroes, Bono of U2, who once said in regards to his idea of faith: "You have to beat it up. You have to pummel it to make sure that it can withstand it, to make sure you can trust it."

Faith needs to be beat up. It needs to be tested. Like a bone or muscle, in order for it to grow and get stronger, it needs to break down first. Now, I know this is not good news. Far from it. It sucks...a lot. But, that's the nature of faith.

I know I have many battles in this life to fight, and they probably won't be fought with a blade, stick, or gun. They are going to be fought within me, as you, the reader, may be battling too. As much as I'd like to be rid of all of life's battles, I know for a fact that is not possible. Life will throw battles my way that may completely beat the crap out of my faith, as it has done many, many times. However, I think that whatever you and I are facing right now is meant to teach us something. It isn't pleasant. It isn't fun. But, it is necessary to make us better people and to be able to grow from it.

A "Perfect" Christmas?

2009-12-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I LOVED Christmas. I still do. When I was a kid, Christmas was that magical day of the year when you actually got what you wanted. It was about Santa, snow, presents, and yes...Jesus in the manger. For me, Christmas was the perfect day of year because everything and everyone I loved was in the same place. Christmas is always marketed and seen as that one day out of the year that love, joy, and good tidings to all mankind are the themes of the day.
While Hollywood, the retail stores, and even the Christians are trying to promote Christmas as a perfect day...I see things a bit differently. Now that I am older, and as things are much more complicated than when I was a kid, I realize that Christmas is not meant to be perfect. It's about perfecting the imperfect.

If you look at the Nativity Story, the very first Christmas was not perfect at all. Imagine you traveled literally thousands of miles on foot or by donkey (if you were lucky) while dodging hordes of soldiers trying to kill your unborn child and your wife is about to go into labor...and the only place you can have her give birth and stay in for the night is a barn filled with farm animals and horseshit. Your family isn't even there to spend the night with you. Instead, it's some shepherds and three random dudes who bring gold, frankincense, and myrrh as gifts to your kid (how a baby is supposed to play with that is beyond me). The first Christmas was ANYTHING BUT perfect. But, Christmas is not about the atmosphere or even the circumstances around you...it's about finding the joy in what you already have with the people around you.

We all have problems. They could be family issues. They could be relationship issues. There are some people who are forced to work on this day due to their profession. There are others who are alone on this day due to loss of a loved one or simply because they have no where to turn to. We all have battles we have to deal with, and unfortunately, they do not take a vacation on Christmas Day. But again, Christmas is not about perfect circumstances or "warm fuzzy feelings". It is about finding the perfection from what you have and choosing to develop those "warm fuzzy feelings" through recognizing the abundance in your life...being thankful and happy for what you have as opposed to what you don't have. For me, this is what having a "Merry Christmas" is all about.

On this day, I wish Maligayang Pasko to you and yours. Merry Christmas!

Finding Your Outlet

2009-12-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

When the world feels like it is falling down on you, and when all the emotions are boiling and coming up to the surface....one of the best ways of dealing with the problem is to find a way to express those feelings and emotions in a focused and productive way. There are many ways to deal with one's problems, and after these past three years or so of going through many of life's experiences, I have realized how important it is to not only face the problem head-on, but also to dedicate time towards a specific outlet to better focus my emotions and energy. Now, an outlet is not the same as an addiction. In this case, an addiction being anything that one may take part in to distract themselves from their problems.

In my humble opinion, if people placed the same time and energy they put into avoiding their problems into bettering their lives, then this world would be a far better place.

The difference between an outlet and an addiction is that an outlet enables one to put their energy into something positive that can better improve their situation in the long term, whereas an addiction is often negative and may only bring temporary relief from the problem.

I have found that discovering an outlet not only enables one to be able to deal with the problem before them, but often leads to the individual finding something that they can truly be passionate about that can turn their life completely around for the better. We can never underestimate the power passion can hold in our lives. Passion can truly allow a person to change their course of action and give them something to live for. It can rise people out of their problems and enable them to live truly productive lives toward something greater.

In addition, an outlet can enable one to find simple joy in their daily lives. Back in college, no matter how stressful grades, school, papers, and final exams were, I knew that my daily Kali training session would be one of the highlights of my day. This sense of positive thinking and focus helped me look at my problems differently and gave me the chance to take a step back from my problems and then face them once more. Having a productive outlet gave me the strength to keep going no matter what faced me.

Finding your outlet could be as simple as doing something you never thought you would do or enjoy doing. Go out there and try something you've always wanted to do but for some reason, you felt you didn't have the time for it or just kept making excuses why you couldn't do it. Finding your outlet can also be as simple as finding that one hobby or activity you truly enjoy but never delved into it as deeply as you wanted to. Before, FMA was simply a favorite hobby of mine...I was good at swinging weapons and loved the cultural side of it. Then it eventually became my overriding passion. Now, it is becoming my career and a lifestyle for me, and it's a vehicle that I am using to not only better my life, but the lives of the people I train.

I firmly believe that an outlet can truly better one's situation. Find your outlet, and you will find the path to a productive life. While we cannot control what problems we may be facing, we CAN control the way we approach those problems.

The F-Word

2009-12-19T10:02:00.000-08:00

A lot of people underestimate the power of the F-word. The F-word has been said many times and expressed many different ways, but it seems that people today are losing sight of it's power. The F-word is considered to be "uncool" by many in today's world. But, the F-Word can help people look at things differently. The F-word can transform their lives. It can help them work through their own problems and pain. I feel if we just take a step back and embrace the F-word, we can all feel a little bit better about the way our lives are going and truly make a transformation in the way we live.

The F-word, that I am speaking about, is Faith.

Now when I speak about faith, I am not espousing any specific religious belief or doctrine. I feel that faith is something all people can embrace regardless of their religious background (or lack thereof). The truth is that all people...ALL PEOPLE...possess faith. Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines faith as: "firm belief in something in which there is no proof." As funny as it sounds, we all believe in things, oftentimes without any proof to back them up.

For instance, I was told by the weather channel that it was going to snow last night. I bought snow melting salt, moved the car into the garage, and basically prepared myself to wake up to a snow white backyard. When I woke up, the backyard was still as green as it ever was. NO SNOW had even landed in my backyard. My faith in the Weather Channel has been tested several times, but I always seem to accept their forecast as true regardless of the fact that they have been wrong in the past.

When I teach FMA and meet a new student, I introduce myself as Guro Mike Pana. Now, the person doesn't know me. They have every right to ask me if that is my real name. After all, people have made false alias' in the past. But, they do not ask me that. They accept my name as true. Even if they did question my true name, and I showed them identification cards...they could still question the validity of the ID cards and whether or not they are fake...but they do not do that. They simply accept my name's validity without any proof needed.

As weird as it sounds, I am trying to make a point.

The fact of the matter is that the act of believing in something, without proof, is a normal human trait. Faith is often associated with religious belief, which I believe is an example of how powerful faith can be. However, the act of believing something that can't be proven is not unusual. We all have faith.

The act of trusting in something beyond yourself is a powerful thing. We can have faith that we can be better people. We can have faith that we can improve our lives. We can have faith that we can muster the strength to fight the battle's life gives us. We can have faith

We can have faith that there is something beyond ourselves, something greater in us, that watches out for us...that takes care of us. I call that "something" God. Some people might call it the Universe, or Allah, or the Great Spirit. Whatever you want to call it, that faith in a Higher Being is a powerful thing. Now, belief in God alone will not solve your problems. I know a lot of religious people who, when faced with a problem, close their eyes, and pray to try to take their mind off the problem. Instead of dealing with the problem, they try to pray it all away.

It is important to note that the greatest warriors throughout history have all possessed great spiritual faith: The Spartans, the Samurai, the Knights, the Apache have all relied on a sense of faith in a higher power to direct their choices in battle or in daily life. They never ran from the battle. They relied on their faith to guide them and help them focus in battle, and in that sense I feel that faith can be an extremely powerful thing. Likewise, everyday people can work through their life battle's by placing their faith in something above them to help direct their decisions and keep them focused through the problem. A cinematic example would be the sniper in Saving Private Ryan who, when faced with doubt and fear, prays during the battle to give him strength and focus.

Faith is a tool, that when used properly, can help a person get through lives problems much easier. It is not a blindfold to hide one's eyes from the problem in front of them. Rather, it is given to us by God to work through the problem in front of us. Never underestimate the power of the F-word.

To Deal, or Distract?

2009-12-09T13:18:00.000-08:00

Being in my mid-twenties, I am noticing more and more how people, specifcially young people, deal with their problems. Most of what I see are young adults who, upon facing a problem, try to avoid the problem by distracting themselves or those around them as opposed to figuring out how to deal with it. When the problem faces them, they'll drink, smoke (sometimes illegal as well as legal substances), or work hard at either school or their job to take their mind off things. It seems that the standard way of dealing with problems is preocupying the mind rather than learning how to face the problem and deal with it.

In these last 3 years, I have gone through several life experiences and challenges. It seems that when you hit your mid-twenties, problems start coming at you from virtually every angle. It could be your relationships. It could be your financial situation. It could even be just trying to control over your own schedule and lifestyle. Whatever the problem is, distracting oneself will not help. Nor will bitching and complaining. Nor will worrying and freaking out. People spend more time and energy doing things to DISTRACT themselves from their problems as opposed to doing productive things that will help them DEAL with their problems.

I say this from experience. Recently, I have learned through my training as well leading a group that you can't run from your problems. You cannot distract yourself. Doing so is not only a waste of time, but eventually, the problems will catch up to you. You can never outrun your problems. You can never hide from your problems.

Many times, when faced with a problem, I used to always blame another person, or my circumstances. From a purely emotional level, it was the easy way out. However, recently, I have learned that most of, if not all of the time, the problem is not an outside force or individual. Rather, the problem is MYSELF and how I am dealing (or not dealing) with the problem. It's easy to point the finger, but I am realizing more and more how often the problem lies within ME and that it's important to face it. Is it difficult? Absolutely. But, it can be done.

Now, the real question is: How do you solve a problem that's within you? There are many ways one can do this. For me, it's a combination of my faith as well as my training. I've been taught the importance of prayer and faith since I was a child. However, I believe there is also a way of praying with your body. Some dance. Others play basketball. For me, it's my training in FMA. I say this not out of personal bias, but out of practicality. In FMA, the problem faced in front of me is so severe that I must face it whether I like it or not. A person with a weapon in their hand is a pretty scary prospect for most people, so the ability to look at the enemy in front of you, and deal with that enemy head on in a very direct and aggressive way, translates to the way you live your life. If you can face an armed individual, or several armed individuals, by yourself or with a team (which I personally prefer), then you can approach your life problems with the same focus and courage. Your training partners do more than just train with you...they train with you to improve you. They will stand by you on the physical battlefield or the spiritual battlefield. That is why I train, and that is why I teach what I teach for a living. It's the lifestyle that FMA provides that I have found to be capable of transforming people from the inside out.

Living VS Existing

2009-12-02T09:17:00.000-08:00

I was driving down the Garden State Parkway earlier today when I noticed a car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said, "I had a life...but my job ate it." It was funny, for sure. But, it got me thinking about the current state of our world and how we as a society have lost sight of what's important in these last several years.

When I was a kid, I recall my kindergarten teacher doing a project in which she asked me and my classmates what we wanted to be when we grew up. Back then, there was no limit as to what you were allowed to dream up or what you wanted to be. Every kid in class, including myself, had dreams of what they wanted to be when they grew up: firemen, police officers, dancers, professional athletes, veterinarians, and astronauts. When I got to the third grade, I was asked to write two paragraphs in my English journal of who I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote: "I want to be a martial arts teacher because I like martial arts and it makes me happy." The teacher gave me an A. However, when I got to sixth grade, an adjunct teacher of the school who taught a life skills class asked us to write a one-page paper as to what we wanted to be when we grew older. To this day, I recall exactly what I wrote. I said that: "I want to be a professional martial arts teacher. I'm also thinking about doing writing and maybe become a stand-up comedian someday if I get good enough." My grade for the paper? An F. She said, "This is completely unrealistic. The real world is harder than you think. You need to grow up and realize that your options need to be practical."

It seems that it's fine to dream and have goals when you're a kid, but the older we get, it appears as if you are only allowed to follow certain goals according to certain standards that society dictates. The goals and dreams you had as a kid eventually became labeled as "unrealistic" or "fantasy". Whatever dreams you had as a kid were automatically tossed onto the scrap heap once you got older for the primary purpose of making money. Now, I'm no hippie. I love money...a lot. Money, when used right, can help you improve your quality of life as well as the quality of life for those around you. However, people do crazy things for money. They'll toss their dreams aside. They'll stab people in the back. They'll neglect the people they love. People end up focusing on money so much that they do not use money as a means of improving life. Many end up focusing on money just so that they can make MORE of it. Some people then go out just looking for a job as a means of just paying the bills as a means of just getting by.

Today, it seems that more and more people are looking for a "means of getting by" or "finding another job" instead of truly trying to carve out a better life for themselves...trying to follow their passion to develop a more fullifilling life for themselves. People are simply trying to exist as opposed to truly living their lives.

Now, I know this is difficult to grasp in today's world, where the economy is the worst it's been since the Great Depression. However, I am meeting more people who, while they have lost their jobs or a great deal of money due to this recession, they were able to find a way around their situation to make more money by following their dreams. I was recently emailed a few months back by a Filipino martial artist who, after losing his job as well as his home to foreclosure, saw my website and felt inspired to open up his own Filipino martial arts school. Today, he has his own school and is making a living doing what he loves. While he says I was one of the people who inspired him to follow his dreams, the fact that I was able to help inspire a person realize their dreams is one of the factors that inspired me to take Bayani Warrior to the next level.

I realize everyday that I refuse to simply exist on this earth in mediocrity. I believe I need to LIVE my life with purpose.

I am living my life with purpose.

What it Means to Be a Bayani Warrior Part 3

2009-11-26T20:11:00.000-08:00

I don't know when I will die...but what I DO KNOW is that I DON'T want my tombstone to read: "Here lies Michael Andrew Pana. He was very good at fighting with weapons."

I want my life to be more than that.

When I started Bayani Warrior, something in me wanted it to be more than just a martial arts group. I wanted it to be a vehicle to utilize my life's passion, Filipino Kali, to help improve people's lives. I want to teach Filipino martial arts so that it can help people the way it helped me--how it showed me the true window into the beauty and relevance of my culture and how it showed me the strength and focus that one attains from training in it. I wanted people to unite under one common cause...to develop them into a group of people that would support each other both in the physical and emotional battles that life brings. It may sound odd, but I want to use violence to show people how to learn to be at peace and in control with themselves...to train them to face fear and even horror and to see them persevere through it so that they see who they really are. By doing this, I find that people can live more productive lives because they can work past their fears.

Bayani Warrior exists to teach people how to find the Bayani (hero) within themselves by training in the use of weaponry. Training in weaponry, particularly in the Filipino methods, requires one to realize that violence is not a fantasy or a game. It is serious. It is life and death. As a result, those who train with us aren't the barroom brawlers looking for a fight. They realize that they need to fight for something far more important: the protection of their family, friends, and the innocent. The very act of preparing oneself to protect others is what develops the Bayani within them. It makes them realize that the training is not simply for their own self-gratification. Rather, it is for the benefit of others. The act of persevering through the training due to the rigorous physical and financial demands the training requires develops character and focus. It brings a collective cohesiveness to the group members. They begin to feel as a unit. This is what develops the Warrior. Warriors recognize the importance of the group over themselves and how to focus through challenges.

The values that we try to live by in the realm of Filipino martial arts training translates to the way we treat others in the community. Recently, Bayani Warrior has moved into the foray of community service projects, the most recent being the Typhoon Ondoy Relief Clinic we held which raised canned food and money for the Typhoon Ondoy victims. I hope to continue using Bayani Warrior not just as a means to teach people Filipino warrior training, but also for helping the community.

I know I am not perfect. But, I believe that Bayani Warrior can change the world around me, because it changed the world within me.

What It Means to Be a Warrior Part 2

2009-11-24T19:53:00.000-08:00

If there was one thing that summed up my experiences this past year, it was the fact that I learned what it really meant to be a warrior. I used to think that warriors were people who possessed incredible fighting skill and courage. However, I realized that I barely scratched the surface when it came to knowing what being a warrior is all about.

When I began the foundations of Bayani Warrior back in 2003, I realized I wanted the group to be far more than just a group of people who could fight with weapons. I wanted the group to stand for something...to represent something bigger than just ourselves. I wanted the members to possess a high level of skill, but I also wanted them to carry themselves a certain way throughout their normal daily life. I wanted there to be a sense of duty and honor in what we were doing. I wanted to use the Filipino fighting arts to develop people into stronger, better individuals.

As the years went by, I kept doing everything I could to live what I thought was the warrior lifestyle. I trained everyday in the gym to keep my skills fresh. I sparred anyone and everyone who wanted to move around with me. I ate right. I exercised relentlessly. I would develop new drills and weapons to use. However, I still felt something was missing. While I was training hard and my skills were improving, I felt that there was something that I just wasn't doing...something that would complete the puzzle, so to speak. I knew that I wanted to possess great fighting skill, but even that goal didn't seem enough for developing myself into the person I sincerely wanted to be.

A few years later, I began training in a system called Atienza Kali under Tuhon Carl Atienza. Atienza Kali is a blade-based system that specializes in long blades as well as small blades in multiple attacker scenarios. Tuhon Carl not only taught me how to apply my techniques in real time, but also taught me valuable lessons as to what it meant to be a warrior...a Filipino warrior in particular, and how to better run Bayani Warrior in the proper way. When I went to my first instructor weekend for Atienza Kali instructorship, I was put through training that I had never gone through before. I realized that while I possessed a pretty good deal of fighting skill, it still wasn't enough to make me into a warrior. Fighting skill was only a very, very small part of the puzzle.

I learned that a warrior is not just a person with great fighting skill. A warrior is a person who looks at any problem, any problem at all, and solves it with a focused and clear mind, without panicking or being sidetracked by emotion. I learned that true warriors embrace challenges. I realized that warriors do not care about the individual. In fact, it's never about the individual. Rather, it's about the group and how well the group functions as a whole. Above all else, I learned that warriors could apply their training not just to combative scenarios, but to every aspect of their life: their relationships with loved ones, their careers, and life's challenges.

When I returned home from the weekend, the experience stayed with me. I learned that while I have been training my whole life to be the best fighter, I was not training to be the best warrior. Warriors and fighters are not the same. Fighters are great at fighting. But, that's about it. Warriors, on the other hand, apply their training to every aspect of their life. They live by a code of conduct. Like fighters, warriors can fight...but they also think their way through tough situations as opposed to responding emotionally about them. They can maintain control of their relationships with their family and friends. They can lead and teach others how to be better people.

Throughout this year, as a result of God's Grace, Tuhon Carl's constant guidance, as well as going through life's challenges and experiencing things first-hand, I have had a better understanding of how to be the warrior in my own life for Bayani Warrior, my family, girlfriend, and friends. Now, I have been able to not only work through problems of my own, but I have also been able to help those I care about get through their problems...which is something I have been unable to do before.

The Samurai, Spartans, Moros, Maori, Knights, Hwarang, Zulu...all of them were warriors. Not fighters, but warriors. It wouldn't make sense to call these groups fighters. Sure, they could all obviously fight, but that's not what defined them as warriors. What made them warriors was how they carried themselves every minute of the day...how they viewed daily life and battlefield combat as the same thing. They were open to challenges and faced any problem life threw at them head on. They not only possessed physical skill and strength, but they were also incredibly focused on the importance of spiritual and mental cultivation. It is for reasons such as these that I wanted to call the group Bayani Warrior. Not Bayani Fighting Systems or Bayani Martial Arts. I wanted to call it Bayani Warrior...a group that melded the ideals of the hero with the focus and courage of the warrior.

In the last entry, I wrote about the Bayani, or hero, and how heroes possess the willingness to act and do something extraordinary for the benefit of those around them. The Warrior is very similar, if not almost identical, to the Bayani. Both the Bayani and the Warrior possess courage and the willingness to act. Both the Bayani and the Warrior place the needs of their community, tribe, or country above themselves.

However, the Bayani and the Warrior differ in the sense that while the Bayani seeks to take action when faced with a problem, the Warrior wants to exactly know how to do deal with the problem efficiently and logically. If the Bayani and the Warrior were standing side-by-side in front of a problem, the Bayani will say, "I want to do something about this!"...but the Warrior will say, "Okay, fine. Now how do we solve it in the most efficient way possible?"

As I said in the last entry, I have a lot of work ahead of me when it comes to being both the Bayani and the Warrior in every aspect of my life. I am still trying to be the best warrior I can be. However, I believe that as with most things in life, being a warrior is a constant process. I am reminded of a quote by the writer Carlos Casteneda:

"To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives. Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man. We make ourselves into one or the other.”

Next, I will talk about how the Bayani and the Warrior work together. Stick around for Part 3.

What it Means to be a Bayani Part 1

2009-11-23T20:12:00.000-08:00

When I first decided to begin the foundation of Bayani Warrior back in 2003, I knew that I didn't want it to be merely a group of individuals that were able to fight with sticks and blades. I wanted it to be something much more than that. I wanted it to not only provide a physical outlet for people to learn how to protect themselves, but I also wanted it to be a place where people could develop themselves spiritually and mentally through the Filipino warrior arts. I wanted Bayani Warrior to not only be a group of close-knit training partners and fighters, but I wanted it to be a group that stood for something more...something that I felt has been missing not only in the Filipino martial arts community, but in the Filipino and American community as well.

In this entry, I will cover the first part of the Bayani-Warrior name. The word "Bayani" is a Tagalog (Filipino) word that translates to "hero". A hero is an individual who places the needs of their family, their loved ones, and their community above themselves. A hero is a person who performs extraordinary acts to help others, even if it means that they may suffer grievous consequences in the end. A hero possesses a distinct sense of right and wrong; They are NOT morally ambivalent. Heroes place what is right over what is easy.

Above all else, a hero is an individual who stands for something greater than just themselves and their desires. A hero is, after all, an individual who sets the example for those around them. It's easy to be able to fight. It's easy to perform and master drills and techniques. But, to be the example for others to follow is difficult.

I decided to use the word "Bayani" as part of the group's name as a result of an experience while in the Philippines. I spent a week in Baguio with my brother and a few others building homes for the poor in a small mountain village. The people referred to us as "Bayani". I had no idea what it meant at the time. After a hard day of work, we would head to the hotel and we would often meet during dinner and the chaperones on the trip would teach us the meaning of the word "Bayani" and what it meant for us as people. The word was inspiring, profound, and was also easy to pronounce and remember. When I got back home to the USA, the experience stuck with me. I decided I would continue the Bayani lifestyle, and that I would combine the ideals I learned that week in Baguio to my Filipino martial arts training.

Heroes are present everyday, and everyone has the capacity to become a hero in their own lives. This may sound idealistic, but in reality, all one has to do is look around and you will see that heroes truly are present all around us. Of course, we have the heroes in society who have made it their living to serve and protect those in the community: police officers, firefighters, doctors, EMS workers, those in our Armed Forces, etc. But, there are many other heroes that exist in our society that rarely get recognition or praise: the single parent who works 2 jobs to support their kids...the school teacher that sacrifices their time and energy to ensure that the next generation is a better one than the last...the social worker who wants to help those that society may have forgotten.

Filipinos are no stranger to heroism. Throughout history, our ancestors have fought and sacrificed to fight oppression and stand up for what they believed in. Names like Lapu-Lapu, Andres Bonifacio, and Jose Rizal are synonymous with what being a Bayani is all about. That heroic blood still flows through us Filipinos today, and I am doing everything I can to make sure the next generation remembers that.

I know that what I have just said may sound overtly idealistic, particularly in today's world. We live in a world where people place greed and money take precedence...a dog-eat-dog world where people will stab people in the back just to get ahead. Our society has gotten so extremely idealistic that people only care about themselves and what they want. I myself have studied heroes my whole life, both real and fictional, and I must admit that while I seek to be the Bayani in my own life, I realize I do have work to do. I don't feel that should dissuade us from seeking to be the Bayani in our own lives. I believe that being a Bayani is a constant process...a process of self-improvement, self-discovery, and self-awareness that remains constant in one's life as long as they seek to act toward the benefit and aid of those around them.

The next entry will discuss the Warrior. Stick around.

Pacquiao VS Mayweather: My Thoughts

2009-11-16T15:47:00.001-08:00

On my birthday last Saturday, Pacquiao did it again and defeated Miguel Cotto. Manny Pacquiao has conquered 3 weight classes and currently holds numerous championships which he has successfully defended time and time again. However, if there is one man who has a chance of beating him, it's Floyd Mayweather Jr. who is undefeated in the ring. Now, the public is demanding that a Pacquiao/Mayweather fight take place. The Boxing world will gladly oblige as it has in the past and there is a HUGE chance that the two will meet in the ring. Many have asked me, "Who do you think will win?" Well, to be honest, I am no prophet. I have no clue who will win exactly. Both fighters are almost identical in their respective styles. They are both incredibly elusive, fast, precise, powerful, and anyone who dares step in front of either one of them in the ring gets decimated.

As a Filipino, of course I am rooting for Pacquiao. However, all patriotism aside, I need to be objective and say that Mayweather is going to be one hell of an opponent. If there is anyone in the Boxing world who even has a chance of knocking Pacquiao out, it's Mayweather. Admittedly, one of the biggest reasons for Pacquiao's success is his speed and elusiveness in the ring. His ability to evade punches and attack in combinations is one of Pacquiao's biggest strengths. However, Mayweather is equally elusive and fast, if not more elusive and fast, than Pacquiao is. Both fighters can evade and throw flurries of punches in combinations. Both fighters are experts in attacking the gaps in their opponents defenses. Both are also incredibly capable of knocking people out. I feel that a Pacquiao/Mayweather fight will be great to watch simply because of the fact that you will be watching two fighters with nearly identical styles and skill sets going at it.

Mayweather has millions upon millions of dollars. He has several luxury cars, his own entourage of security guards, chefs, beautiful women, and trainers. More importantly, he has an undefeated record in the ring. He's an arrogant bastard for sure, but the man has backed up his big mouth time and time again.

However, Pacquiao has something that Mayweather doesn't...something that I believe gives him the edge over Mayweather: Support. Sure, Mayweather has a large entourage...and yes his dad is his trainer so one can argue that he has support. No doubting that. However, he doesn't have the support of a NATION. Mayweather may have an entourage of people who follow his every move, but Pacquiao has a whole country backing him...an entire country that prays for him and thinks about him everytime he fights...a country that he himself represents and fights for. In addition, Mayweather's arrogance and big mouth have not made him the most liked person in the world. Whether people love Pacquiao or not, they will cheer him on, pray for him, and back him up because they want Mayweather's teeth knocked out and his mouth zipped shut. One cannot underestimate the power or moral and spiritual support for an individual and how that helps an individual go beyond their normal capabilities. It forces an individual to dig deep and push harder than ever before. What better motivation to win can one have if an entire country is cheering you on?

Mayweather sure has a lot of things going for him, but he fights only for his mouth, his bank account, and his pride. Pacquiao stands for something bigger than that. Call it naive or idealistic, but I firmly believe that Pacquiao's sense of patriotism and faith will give him an edge in the fight between him and Mayweather. I am not saying he will win. Rather, what I am saying is that he will push harder and fight harder than ever before because he fights for something BIGGER than just a paycheck.

Why So Serious?!

2009-10-26T18:53:00.000-07:00

For the most part, I am a pretty easy going guy. However, I have been told that I seem to take my heritage, my community, and my culture seriously...almost to the point of being too serious about it. Perhaps they are right. I suppose I take these things so seriously because I am honestly afraid that I am one of the handful of people who actually gives a damn about the culture and the people it comes from.

I grew up here in the United States of America as a kid with one foot in the Filipino world and another foot in the American world. Growing up, I'd often find it difficult to reconcile the American world around me with the culture I experienced at home. To make things even worse, the culture I experienced at home was practically unknown to the outside world. Into my teens, I became more and more hungry to find out more about my heritage and it's relevance towards the world around me. My studies in the Filipino martial arts were the catalyst for this. As the years went on I became more and more driven to show people that my people and my art were relevant. To this day, that hasn't changed.

Unfortunately, another thing that hasn't changed has been the fact that most young Filipino-American's possess a general lack of interest in anything regarding their heritage. I notice that they embrace certain things. They openly spout "Pinoy Pride", wear the Filipino flag on an article of clothing, and talk about the food...but it seems to stop there. It seems that the deeper parts of the culture and history are being lost and pushed to the side in favor of hip hop, sneakers, and fast cars. I find it so strange how difficult it is to get Filipino youth to show up to a Filipino martial arts clinic...but I also notice how easy it is to get Filipino youth to attend a hip hop dance competition or hip hop class. I find it strange how I will see ballroom, hip hop, and the waltz performed at a girl's Cottilion or Debut, but rarely will I see them perform Singkil or Pandango Sa Ilaw at such an event. At events such as the Filipino Internetworking Dialogue (FIND), I noticed how so many Fil-Am kids will be interested as to which hotel room in the hotel will have the most booze and hottest girls, but they will not often recall or discuss the talks and lectures...assuming the attendees were sober enough to remember it.

I take a look at the next generation of young Filipinos here in America and I'm honestly worried. I am worried that their sense of complacency toward their roots will result in our culture being lost forever. Perhaps I am being overdramatic. I really hope I'm wrong. But, I am sincere in saying that it is honestly something that worries me. I don't want our history to be lost. I do not want our culture to be lost. I do not want the spirit of our people who have fought and died so that we as a future generation may live simply to wither and perish. I've made it my life's mission to use what I know to spread the culture and people I believe in. I am doing all I can to preserve and spread the culture in the most honest way I know how...not just by spouting facts or wielding weapons, but by honestly displaying the good that is within us, the good that was always within us...but also the problems we face which we must openly discuss and practically overcome. But, I can't do it alone.

Please, help me.

Relevance

2009-10-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

Filipinos are, have been, and hopefully will no longer be, the best kept secret in the cultural melting pot that is America. However, it is surprising to me that most non-Filipinos don't know who we are and what our culture is about. I feel that this is due to the simple fact that while we may be prevalent here in America, we do not work hard enough to make ourselves relevant.

Let's look at some facts: We are the second largest Asian demographic, only second to the Chinese. We are the LARGEST Southeast Asian demographic in this country. The first Filipino-American settlement was located in Saint Malo, Louisiana in 1763...THIRTEEN YEARS before this country was even born. We are your doctors, nurses, lawyers, police officers, janitors, teachers, cooks, and maids. We are your mechanics, hair stylists, fire fighters, electricians, businessmen, accountants, and carpenters. We are, without a doubt, prevalent.

But, are we relevant? Do we seek to step out of the background and truly make our influence and importance on this society known? Do we wish to make the world see us for who we are and what we have to offer? Do we wish to make ourselves pertainable to the current society we live in...or are we simply satisfied blending into the background?

The aspect of assimilation is very present in Filipino culture. As a people who have been colonized several times by foreign powers, it is natural for the Filipino to blend in and adopt the culture of foreigners as their own as a means to survive and adapt. When many Filipinos immigrated to this country, most of the Filipino parents told their kids to stop speaking Tagalog and to start speaking English as a means to better fit in among the Americans at school. Many Filipinos began to shun their culture as a means to better fit into the American social landscape. This appears to be different from many other Asian or ethnic groups that came to this country. While the other Asian ethnic groups did adapt to American customs to some degree, they still nontheless retained their cultural ways: their langugage, traditions, and food...and ensured their children did the same. Instead of letting their indigenous culture adjust to the American social landscape, it seems that other ethnic groups weren't shy of who they were and were able to bend the American social landscape to adjust to them to some degree...not the other way around.

It must be noted that many Filipino families retained their language, their beliefs, and traditions in the home. However, it seems that the children of these immigrants were not sure how to view the relevance of their culture to the American culture that surrounded them at every moment the instant they walked out the door. To make matters even worse, Filipino kids couldn't even settle for just being "Asian" since there are so many shades of Asian out there: Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Cambodian, Hmong, Vietnamese, etc. As a result, the Filipino kid would begin to feel like a minority within well...a minority. Add the fact that there are few, if any, Filipino role models in the mainstream media, and eventually the Filipino kid begins to blend into the melting pot, almost to the point of not truly being seen as the unique person they are.

It is important to know how NOT to stand in the background and blend in. Rather, it's important for us to figure out how we can be better SEEN.

So now we are faced with a question: Is Filipino culture relevant? I am not speaking of the "I-don't-know-anything-about-the-Filipino-culture-other-than-lumpia-and-hip-hop-competitions" watered-down pseudo-culture that most people are trying to pass off as Filipino culture. I am talking about the true Filipino culture: Loyalty to one's family, Bayanihan (if you Fil-Am's don't know what that means, then look it up), the history, the traditions, the art forms, and yes, the food. It's a culture that's rich in beauty and tradition...yet for some reason, Filipinos tend to not know much about it nor really give a damn about it. Due to this lack of knowledge, it is difficult to expect the Filipino culture to find any relevance in this society unless people truly know about it well enough to spread it....and even if you did spread it...no one would buy into it unless they felt it related to them or bore any importance on them.

It is up to US as Filipinos to make sure the culture is relevant to our society. We set the tone. The way to accomplish this is threefold. First step is knowledge. You cannot promote something unless you know about it. You need to possess knowledge of whatever it is you are trying to spread. The next step is willingness to spread that knowledge. All the knowledge in the world doesn't mean squat unless you have the passion and courage to rise above stereotypes, critics, and the ignorant. Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, and other men of that era were not great Filipino patriots because they knew a bunch of facts. They possessed the willpower and strength to speak out and apply that knowledge.

Once these two steps are accomplished, the next step is to find ways to make that knowledge relevant...not just to Filipinos, but to all people. If you want to know how to do this, check out my video blog on the "Colonial Mentality".

While we may be large in numbers, our size means nothing if we do not choose to make ourselves known and our culture relevant.

My Life: The Sountrack

2009-10-14T22:22:00.000-07:00

(Found it on bzoink.com)

Opening Credits: Lifehouse "Who We Are"

Average Day: Sugar Ray "Every Morning"

Spending time with friends: Gin Blossoms "Follow You Down"

Driving: AC/DC "Rock N' Roll Train"

Bad Day: Travis "Why Does it Always Rain on Me?"

Fight Scene: Eminem "Till I Collapse"

Mental Breakdown: Tenth Avenue North "Hold My Heart"

Life is Okay: Goo Goo Dolls "Name"

Graduation: The Bodeans "Closer to Free"

Longing for Love: John Mayer "Love Song for No One"

First Glance/New Crush: Matt Nathanson "Come On Get Higher"

Secret Love: Lifehouse "Somewhere in Between"

First Date: The Ataris "I Won't Spend Another Night Alone"

Falling in Love: Counting Crows "Accidentally in Love"

Love Scene: The Script "I'm Yours"

Breaking Up: Rivermaya "Shattered Like"

Wishing for Love to Return: Matchbox 20 "If You're Gone"

Fighting get him/her back: Edwin McCain "I'll Be"

Proposal: David Archuleta "You Can"

Wedding: Shania Twain "You're Still the One"

Reflecting on Life: Matt Nathanson "All We Are"

Reflecting on Love: David Cook "Always Be My Baby"

Death Scene: Boyz II Men "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday"

Closing Credits: MAE "Suspension"

Keeping the Fire Burning

2009-09-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

Did you ever take on a task that seemed easy but totally bitchslapped you in the end? Did you have your eyes set on a goal that seemed far out of reach? When trying to get to this goal, did it ever seem that no matter how hard you worked or how hard you tried to focus on the goal...you got no results? The harder you tried to reach this goal...it seemed it just kept getting farther and farther from you. Whenever you thought you would be able to reach it...it seemed to run 10 steps ahead of you and you were gasping for breath trying to catch up?

I have been through this. However, recent events helped realize what was missing in my life. I admittedly do possess a good amount of self-discipline and focus. However, recently...I realized those two things aren't enough. You need to have build a fire inside and keep it burning. I know it sounds crazy or metaphorical, but as I am about to tell you...I use that phrase for good reason.

In June 2009, I had the opportunity to attend a camp known as "505". It was hosted by one of the premier Filipino warrior groups today: Atienza Kali. I have been studying Atienza Kali for 2 years and I must say it is probably the most unique and probably one of the most efficient Filipino Kali styles I have ever studied. What sets Atienza Kali apart is not just techniques or weapons. Rather, it is a lifestyle...a lifestyle that brings out the warrior in everyday people. I've been training martial arts since I was nine and I since then I was on a quest to find the one thing that would truly make me a WARRIOR, not just in fighting skill, but in all aspects of my life. I found that training in Atienza Kali.

During the camp, the other participants and I had to undergo many different exercises and drills. One of these drills didn't require martial arts skill or weapons. Instead, we were told to build a fire. Sounds easy right? Well, here's the catch: we had to build it in a bed of water...right after a major thunderstorm, with wet branches all around us. We were allowed to use anything at our disposal.

Myself, along with two other people in a group, had to perform this seemingly impossible task. As someone who has experiences starting camp fires and bonfires, I became the group leader. However, when I would build bonfires, I would use DRY wood and a host of other items. I won't say how I did it or what I used to start it....but...I did it. The water was high, the branches I used for firewood and the ground was soaking wet, but I stayed focused and found a way to do it.

While building this fire, I was in some kind of zone. When I was told to make the fire, I felt no doubt. No fear. I didn't care it was in the water. I didn't care we didn't have dry firewood. All I knew was that my team and I were going to build a fire. Period. Nothing was going to stop me from the task. I remember saying to myself: "I'm going to start this damn fire. I'm not going to be the one at this camp without a fire. This is happening...NOW." It got tough...I had to pull all my mental resources to figure out how to build this fire in such wet conditions. But within 4 minutes I was able to get a small, but stable fire going. Now, the toughest part to building any fire was keeping it going...but eventually, my group and I were able to keep it going strong. Eventually, the fire got stronger. I credit the previous mental training we were given at the camp for helping me reach this state of focus. But, looking back on that camp, the fire exercise is what impacted me the most and it's what stayed with me to this day.

This article isn't about Atienza Kali or 505 or what it did for me. That's a seperate entry altogether. However, I use the fire exercise as symbolic and representative of my mindset these last few months.

Before the camp, I still possessed a great deal of focus and discipline, but something was missing. Things in my life were going good...but not GREAT. Despite possessing self-discipline and focus, I still had a lot of doubt in myself and what I could do.

In the last few months, I experienced things that made me question my capabilities, my goals in life, and my chances of attaining those goals. I have been surrounded by people in my life who keep telling me that I can't do it, or that it's impractical to do what I want to accomplish. I was also being confronted by people who were blatantly disloyal to me. No matter how hard I seemed to focus on the task in front of me, my mental stress from all the negativity around me was hindering me. Before, when I would reach those goals, it seemed that they would run away from me and I had to work ten times harder to reach them again. However, today, I retain the fire exercise in my head. The fire exercise represents my mindset as of the last few months after 505: Nothing is impossible no matter how crazy it may seem. Shut off your emotions, shut off your doubts...and get it done. Period. Don't blame your circumstances. Don't blame the people around you or what they say. Just do what you gotta do to get the job done. You can get the job done. You can complete the mission. Just shut up, shut the assholes out, and just do it.

Since doing that fire exercise and taking the lessons from it with me, I realized that my life really improved these last few months. I have been making more money than before. I have gotten more students now. I have gotten closer to my family and my girlfriend. Once I began to focus on eliminating doubt from my mind, things started falling into place. I will keep the faith and I feel God will keep this going.

So many of us blame our circumstances for who we are and what we are. Nonsense. So many of us blame negative people in our life for who we are and why can't accomplish things. NONSENSE. The only thing holding us back from attaining what we want is OURSELVES. God gave us intelligence and free will...why don't we take that into consideration and live happily as God wants us to?

I'm keeping the fire going. What about you?

10 Things I Believe About God

2009-08-03T21:22:00.001-07:00

Taken from Heath Veuleman's blog entry. Here goes:

1) I believe that God is like a knife in a knife attack...He is felt, but never seen.

2) I believe that God isn't in the fancy cathedrals. He is within the poor and the oppressed. He is within the arms of a loving parent. He is within the kiss of a lover. He is within the sunshine breaking through the clouds after a rainstorm. He is within the smile of a child. He is within the courage of a soldier on the battlefield.

3) I believe that God speaks to us everyday...we just need to listen more.

4) I believe that God allows bad stuff to happen for reasons beyond my understanding.

5) I believe that God surrounds me with good people who help me make the right choices.

6) I believe that God has a sense of humor, yet so many religious people are far too uptight. I think God wants them to lighten up. How else do you explain those images of the Virgin Mary randomly appearing on slices of toast or tortillas?

7) I believe that God doesn't give us strength, patience, or courage. Instead, He puts us through trials which develop strength, patience, and courage.

8) I believe that God doesn't focus on skin color, nationality, language, sexuality, political beliefs, or even religious beliefs. He focuses on what lies in our hearts and minds. He focuses on our desires. He focuses on our intentions.

9) I believe that a relationship with God is more than simply being chaste, sober, and going to church on Sunday. It is wayyyy more than that.

10) I believe God put me on this Earth for a good reason...and I feel it's an important reason. I just don't know what it is yet.

30 Days of Bayani Behavior

2009-07-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

On a sunny day last week, I decided to go out for a 3-mile run. About 3 blocks into the run, I hear a loud crashing noise. Less than 10 feet in front of me, 2 cars have gotten into a head-on collision. Initially, I thought it was none of my business, but when I saw that an elderly woman in the damaged car, for some reason, I felt like I had to do something. There were about a dozen on-lookers just staring stunned at the accident as well as a bunch of rubber-neckers scoping out the scene as they passed by. No one offered to help, so...I did.

The woman was in her late 70s to early 80s. She was clearly shaken up. I ran to the car and asked her if she was physically okay. She said she was, and after a quick look at her face to make sure she wasn't injured, I helped guide her into the closest parking lot. The guy who hit her was an 18 year old kid who was also just as emotional. He was mad that he got into the accident and was equally as mad that he forgot his insurance card at home. Now, if I were to have stumbled across this scene at 17 years old, I would've given that kid a tounge-lashing the world has never seen before. But this time, I didn't...I felt bad for the kid. He clearly didn't mean to do what he did, and he was genuinely concerned about the old lady. I sat him on the curbside and told him to relax...I told him it could've been a lot worse.

What made things even more shocking for me was the fact that no one came to help. No one. In fact, there were 3 Filipino guys at the side of the street just staring, and I looked at them as if they should've helped, but they turned away and walked away as if nothing happened.

In about 10 minutes, the police showed up. They assumed I was in one of the cars...which I told them I wasn't. I was simply trying to help the two people in the accident. After a brief questioning period, they thanked me for helping them and let me go and I continued the rest of my run. During the rest of the run, I couldn't help but wonder why I helped and no one else did. I also didn't know why I was so compelled to help them. For the first time in a long time, it was something I did that I haven't done before, but it felt so natural to do. I didn't feel an obligation to help them...I just wanted to. I'm not sure why.

Honestly, I'm not a hero by any means.

Seriously, I'm not.

I'd much prefer to just spend my days training and practicing FMA. I don't know why, but for some reason, I just feel the need to help people I think are in trouble. This has gotten me into trouble several times...with one instance involved a guy threatening to shoot me (another story altogether). It's because of incidents like these that I've tried to avoid helping people who don't ask for help. I've been told that you should only give help to those who ask for it, but oftentimes I'm not sure where to draw the line. Right now, I don't have a "formal" job. I earn my living teaching Filipino martial arts, and right now I'm not doing that bad money-wise. However, I want to know what else I can do. I want to do something where I can just help people in a way that feels natural to me. There are millions of ways to help people, but they are all different ways of helping. The way a doctor helps someone is different than they way a teacher can help someone...the way a cop can help someone is different than the way a priest can help someone. I know for a fact that I want to help people, but quite frankly, I'm really not sure which way of helping people is the right job for me.

So, I figured to take the guess work out of it, I'm going to commit to something I've never done before.

Starting this Monday, July 27, everyday for 30 days, I'm going to go around wherever I am, and spend days trying to find random ways to help people who need help. It can be anything...from helping a person move into their apartment to helping someone out of a sticky situation like a car accident or something like that.

I'm honestly nervous. I'm not sure how this is going to play out. Let's just hope I learn what I'm supposed to do and hope that I can do the right thing.

Ninong

2009-07-07T05:33:00.000-07:00

My Ninong (Tagalog word for "godfather") Joey (real full name Joseph Navarro), was one of my dad's best friends since their days living in Queens, NYC. When I was born, a handful of people were selected as godparents to look after me in case anything happened to my parents. Ninong Joey was one of them.

My Ninong Joey passed away yesterday unbeknownst to us. We aren't sure of the details surrounding his death. We don't know when he passed away or how he died as of this writing. However, instead of dwelling on his death, I figured it'd be best to write about his life...or at least the life I saw growing up.

I have fond memories of my Ninong Joey. I would see him at family gatherings for as long as I can remember. If we were at a party, Ninong Joey was there. On Christmas, he'd always get me something pretty awesome since I was his godson. However, the most memorable moments I had with him was when my family lived overseas in Bangkok, Thailand while I was here in the USA waiting for them. While my mom and dad couldn't look after me, my dad made sure that my Ninong Joey was always around to look after me and drive me to my martial arts classes. One time, he was real late coming from work and he was supposed to take me to a training seminar. I remember getting incredibly upset because I didn't want to be late. However, when he finally showed up at the house to pick me up, it was as if nothing happened. I no longer felt any anger towards him or my situation. I was just glad this guy remembered me and took time out to take me to my session.

Ninong Joey had no family in New Jersey as far as I knew. He was single and had no kids. Honestly, I think my family and I were the closest he had to family in the area. On holidays and special occasions, Ninong Joey would come over to the house to have a meal with my family. Deep down, I always knew Ninong Joey's arrival to the house on a holiday meant some good times were about to occur in the Pana household. There was always going to be good conversation at the dining table. He was also at my parent's 25th Wedding anniversary last March, and at the church service where my parent's renewed their vows, he was telling me about the original wedding ceremony 25 years before. It's like he was a relic from another time, a time before me and my siblings were born. He knew my dad not as a dad, not as I know him, but as his drinking partner and one of his best friends.

Ninong Joey was also always there for us. If we had a car that was out of service, he would lend us his pick-up truck to borrow, which for me was always a good thing, especially since I always wanted a pick-up truck and I always got a chance to play around with his. If we needed help with something, he was there. He was like our family relative who wasn't related to us.

I'm not sure why I'm writing all this. Odds are, many of you reading this have no idea who this guy was. He wasn't your Ninong. He wasn't your dad's best friend. He may not matter to most of you. I'm not writing this out of mourning or sorrow, nor am I writing this because I want to make a pseudo-eulogy or asking for condelences. I guess I'm writing this because I still see him in my head. I still see him at my family's computer in the kitchen checking his email last Easter Sunday. I still see him standing outside his house in his bathrobe after I returned his truck to him 2 months ago. I still see him on Christmas 2 years ago when my siblings and parents had no special plans and had simple Adobo for our Christmas meal and he shared it with us. For my parents, he will be a lifelong friend that they will miss dearly. To my siblings, he will always be known as Tito Joey who spent time with us on holidays and was my dad's buddy.

To me, he will always be the guy in the pick-up truck who pulls up to the driveway and drove me to my FMA classes...who made sure I got there on time and looked after me when my dad couldn't. In a way, I guess if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be the FMA guy I am now. The last time I truly spoke to him, he saw me demonstrating Balisong knife work on my cousin and he panicked, and told me that I might go to jail for doing stuff like that. But, he knew I was in control.

In a world where I am finding that it's harder and harder to find people to trust, Ninong Joey was one of the handful of people that truly remained loyal to my family.

For those of you who never met him or knew him, I think this picture describes him perfectly. He's the guy on the right-hand side of the photo dancing and smiling.

The picture above says it all. Anytime I saw him, that's who he was.

I'll miss you Ninong Joey.

Perfectly Imperfect

2009-06-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I used to firmly believe that life fit in a neat little box...that if I acted a certain way and behaved a certain way then I'd be perfect an have a perfect life. As a kid, I saw things in either black or white with no gray area in between. At 23 years old, I realize that things aren't so simple, and that sometimes, the gray area is all you have.

Growing up in school, I was known as the "nice guy" who was completely selfless and never got in trouble. I treated everyone, even those who treated me like crap...very well. I did so not as a means of actually respecting them...I did so basically to fit in. In addition to this behavior, I tried to learn different skill sets and activities to be well-rounded: academics, fitness, music, martial arts, and religious activities. I felt that if I could do all these things, then I'd be respected by others and be regarded as a Renaissance man of sorts. As a kid, I thought doing all these things would make me "perfect" in a sense, and as such, my life would be perfected.

I've gone through some really fucked up times these past 3 years. Despite my loyalty, people I thought I could trust did everything they could to betray me in the most heinous of ways. I've been double-crossed far too many times. I used to be bitter and full of contempt. However, now, I see things a bit clearer.

I think in some sense, all of us try to live a perfect life. Many of us go to school and work hard so we can have a great job in order to get a nice house, a significant other, and kids. We want to have a comfortable life free of worry. When messed up things happen, we tend to get emotional about things, which is perfectly normal.

However, I've come to realize that although it's been said time and time again...we really aren't perfect. Neither is life. Life is filled with a whole plethora of pain, mistakes, stupidity, and sometimes, pure vehemence and cruelty with people to match. The more I think about it, as much as it sucks...this is exactly what life is supposed to be: IMPERFECT. Imperfection is ubiquitous to life's moments. Instead of fighting this imperfection, as I have done for so long, I realize that I need to embrace it...accept it...swim in it...dance in it for all it's worth. It doesn't make the pain go away, but it does help me approach life more open and objectively as opposed to angry and emotionally, which I must admit, I have been for quite some time.

It truly does pay to count one's blessings. It's easy to look at the bullshit life deals us, but there is a lot of good in it too. For each person I lost due to disloyalty or betrayal, I can think of 2 people who take their place who are loving, kind, and truly loyal...loyalty that has been tested so I can believe in it. Despite the pain I may feel inside, I have a girlfriend of 5 years who is my best friend, who has seen me through everything life has thrown at me: pain, fear, unemployment, anger, sadness, rage. I have parents who have never laid a hand on me out of anger or disciplinary action (a rarity in the Filipino community), yet they taught me and my siblings what respect, discipline, order, loyalty, and hard-work were all about. I have a crew of students and training partners who are truly loyal to me. Despite my tough training style and payment fees, they still train with me even though they are totally aware they could easily go to someone else for a cheaper rate. I have maybe 3 friends who I truly trust with my heart and well-being, and while it's not a big group, I know it's the group I can count on.

I believe in justice. I believe people will get what they deserve. However, I also realize this is a matter of time, and as it is with time...patience is required.

I believe that my enemies should fear me not simply due to my skills, attitude, or demeanor. I believe they should fear me for the fact that I have a support system they will never have. A support system that stands by me and will not hesitate to (literally and figuratively) fight by my side if necessary. A wise man once told me that in life, battles are not always fought with the gun or blade. Oftentimes, the life's imperfection grants us battles that take place within the battlefield of the heart and mind.

I know for a fact that I do not go through life's battles alone.

That, in itself, is my true weapon.

17 Things I Learned From My Father

2009-06-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

1) Always stay aware. Know where you are in your environment. Know who AND what is around you at all times. Daydreaming and being off-guard can put you in serious trouble.

2) If you want to know if a Japanese sushi/hibachi place is good, you can judge it by how many actual Japanese people frequent it. It may sound racist at first, but if Japanese people frequent a Sushi place, then it must be good. After all, most Japanese people know good Japanese food when they taste it. Better to trust the experts, right?

3) Make sure to always have a full-tank of gas in the car. If there is some kind of natural disaster, terrorist attack, or emergency that requires you to evacuate immediately, you need to be able to drive as far as possible. Also, if there is a disaster or emergency, odds are there won't be gas stations functioning (as during 9/11), or even worse, they will be functioning but people will be crowding them and it will take forever to get gas...which can endanger you and your loved ones...and when every second counts, this could be detrimental to your survival. In addition, check the fluids in your car...motor oil, brake fluid, coolant, etc...every two weeks. In order to add more oil, screw off the cap on the engine that says "motor oil" and using a funnel, pour at least one container of 10W-40 in it.

4) When it comes to knocking someone out with your fists, the base of the fist to ends to be the safest surface used to put someone down. Simply make a strong fist, and in a hammering motion, swing and slam your enemy in the temple with all your might. This is called a Bolo Punch, and is one of the hardest to block especially at close range.

5) In order to properly light charcoal for a BBQ, you need to get some lighter fluid and a lighter to light up the coals. This can take forever. However, you know the coals are hot and ready for grilling once the coals turn white. Once that happens, you are good to go. Don't stop cooking the meat on the grill unless you see all of the meat with a nice dark brown color to it.

6) As much of a pain in the ass as it is...do what will make your woman happy, especially when it concerns food. If she wants coffee in the morning when she wakes up, make it for her. If she is hungry and craves soup at the ungodly hour of 3 AM, then make it for her. If she wants Chinese food from that Chinese food place way on the other side of town, then bite your lip and just go get it. Nothing is more horrifying than a woman scorned...especially when she doesn't get what she wants to eat.

7) Have at least 3 flashlights...one in your pocket, one in your car, and one that you can access at home. You never know when you may need to light up the darkness during a power outage or when your car breaks down at night on the road.

8) The key to parallel parking is to stay calm and pull alongside the car in front of you and stopping a little past the driver side door of the car in front of you. Then, put the car in reverse as you turn your steering wheel all the way to the side in which you are parking. Do this very slowly, and then once you feel you are in the spot, turn the steering wheel the other way as fast as possible. If this doesn't work, then do it again. Stay calm...as long as you haven't hit anything or anyone, then you are fine. Repeat the process and eventually you'll end up parallel parked.

9) Drinking a whole liter of water first thing every morning is one of the healthiest things you can do. It cleanses the system of any toxins and flushes out anything in the body that's not supposed to be there. This simple act each morning can prevent diabetes, heart disease, and other ailments that people spend hundreds of dollars on medicene for each year.

10) Spend time each day in a dedicated spiritual practice, with prayer and meditation as the most favored methods. Sometimes, this can get long and repetitive and you may fall asleep doing this. No matter...God understands your heart and why you do these things. The point is that you do them from the heart.

11) When everything looks like it can't get any worse, then just relax. Seriously. Stop looking at your watch. Stop worrying about if things will happen or go your way. Things tend to sort themselves out. Impatience and worrying is a waste of energy. Work hard of course, but take it easy every now and then.

12) If you are eating steak and have no A1 steak sauce, then mixing some ketchup with Worchestershire Sauce pretty much tastes exactly the same and serves as an excellent substitute.

13) If you want to know if a pair of pants fits you, and yet you don't want to go try them out in the dressing room, then grab the pants and wrap the waistband of the pants around your neck. Oftentimes, this defines whether or not it fits your waist. (I've tried this myself and it works).

14) If you have something to say, then say it. You may get in trouble and people may not like what you have to say. But, if you feel strongly about something, say it.

15) If you have nightmares at night, flip your pillow over. This helps you go back to sleep and helps the nightmares go away.

16) Slingshots, spin tops, and peashooters can be deadly weapons when used properly. Seriously.

17) Above all other things: Even when it's difficult...even when it's inconvenient for you....even if you are tired and want nothing more than to go home and sleep after a hard day of work...go out of your way to do good things for people who need your help.

Happy Father's Day dad. Thanks for the lessons.

Contemplation

2009-06-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just need to shut off the TV, computer, cell phone, and close the book you are reading. Sometimes you just need to close your bedroom door. Sometimes, you just need to silence the thoughts inside your head, silence the noise around you, and for just a few moments...lie down, stare at the ceiling, and just contemplate.

I've recently become more than too aware of life's uncertainties. As I look at my peers, the few friends I had in college, I see where they are going. I see where they are now, many of them nurses, working people. I see a lot of kids I went to school with, who had incredible aspirations, and then fell to the wayside...going down a path that they didn't intend on traveling. Then, I had to take a look at myself. Where am I in my life, really? Right now, my job is teaching martial arts...probably the easiest and most gratifying job I've had in my life. However, it has no medical or insurance benefits. It has no retirement plan...if anything, I feel as if it is, in itself, a retirement plan. It's just simply something I want to do and something I love doing. I'm happier than most of my peers when it comes to my job. However, should I continue this path, or seek something else to fulfill my financial needs?

I'm not good at a whole lot of things. I'm good at teaching martial arts, practicing martial arts, talking, and eating. I don't have a degree in a fancy major, nor do I have a degree that really was supposed to get me anywhere in a concrete sense. I just knew that there was no major for what I was truly passionate about, and that I only wanted to do one thing, which was to involve martial arts in my professional life in some sense. Now, at 23, an adult in the strictest sense of the word...I want to know whether I'm supposed to be a martial arts instructor....or if I'm meant to do something more with it. I don't think my passion for FMA will ever disappear or go away, so what I want to know is if I am truly meant to be just a martial arts instructor...or if I'm supposed to do something more with it.

I just wish I knew what that "something" was.

In the midst of contemplation, I also realized how important it is to simply ENJOY life. I find that too often, I try to improve my life so much and try to find answers to so many questions to the point that I forget what a gift it really is. Yes, I believe it is important to find ways to improve one's life, but at the same time I feel that life isn't always something that needs improving. Sometimes, it's just something that's meant to be enjoyed.

God Works in Mysterious Ways (?)

2009-05-31T17:23:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a very devoted Catholic-Christian household. While other kids had Jack and the Beanstalk read to them as a kid before bedtime, my mom used to read Bible passages to me. I was put in youth groups and Bible studies from my earliest teen years. I even went on to study Philosophy in college to better defend my religious beliefs. However, when I graduated college, the only thing I truly learned was how complicated this world really is.

The fact is this: We do not live in a Sunday School world. Despite our best intentions, our society praises greed, lust, and power. 99.9 percent of people in our world do not turn the other cheek when struck on one side of the face, and they do not forgive seventy times seven times. We no longer live in a world where a kid can just go to school and play with their friends outside afterwards...we now live in a world where kids can NOT go outside and play in fear of getting kidnapped, molested, or shot. Our world has gotten really, really f'd up...and I don't think the Son of God would be very happy if He were to sit with us, Christians or otherwise, to see where our world has headed.

So, where does God fit in all of this? Is it still justifiable to believe in an all-loving, all-powerful God? If this God is so omniscient and all-powerful, why doesn't He do something about all the unnecessary suffering in the world? Does He truly work in "mysterious ways", or is that just an excuse that believers espouse to rationalize the BS that's going on around them?

Frankly, I have to say that while I do believe in God...I must admit that I don't know how to answer these questions. Again, this world is very, very complicated. From atoms...to biological cells...to landscapes...to human emotion--everything about this universe is complicated. It would be silly, pretentious, and arrogant of me to think that I could simplify the not-at-all-simple issues. However, I must stand firm in the belief that this incredibly complex universe had to have been designed by an intelligent being. I believe that this Being is present in our lives, and this Being is also involved in our lives. However, I must say that I am not sure why He does what He does and allows certain things to happen. That's not my place.

Christians often have a saying: "God is good all the time, and all the time...God is good." Quite frankly, I can't say this with 100 percent conviction. When everything in life is messed up and the fecal matter is hitting the rotating blades...God doesn't seem like such a good guy at all. In fact, He seems like the exact opposite. It's as if He's an angry kid with an ant farm who takes joy in shaking the ants until they are drowning in dirt. However, while I believe these feelings are justified, I also realize that it's hardest to pray when everything in life is going great. As much as it hurts, and as much as it sucks, I tend to reach out to God when everything goes wrong. I seek Him in the darkest of places. Even when everything sucks and I'm angry and shaking my fist at Him, it's better than not saying anything at all. I'm not trying to sugarcoat suffering or wrap it in a pretty box. All I know is that in order to be saved, we need something horrible to be saved from.

None of the above is meant to convert atheists or agnostics into theism. It's simply my way of explaining how I can remain a believer despite the BS in this world...of how I make sense of the non-sensical. Call me weak. Call faith a crutch. Say whatever you want. All I know is that faith helps.

New Jersey Food Cultures

2009-05-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

Outside the realm of martial arts and Filipino history, there is one thing I love: Food. I've come to the grand realization that my home state of New Jersey has a great food scene. Sure, our "big brother" New York City (aka by Jerseyan's as "The City") has great food. But, New Jersey is a food powerhouse all it's own. Recently, I've been fortunate to discover, as well as re-discover, several New Jersey food joints that are quickly becoming my favorites. Some of them you may know...others you may have never even heard of.

1) GoodFellas in Fords, NJ:

I grew up in the small town of Fords, which is one of several towns within Woodbridge Township. Fords is one of those towns that you either know about or you don't. I've even met Woodbridge residents who have never even heard of the place. If you haven't heard of Fords, then I'm sure this place will put my hometown on the map. GoodFellas is a recent addition to Fords and serves some of the best pizza, cheesesteaks, gelato, and pasta around...real Jersey-boy Italian food...the kind I grew up with. It's located right down the street from my cousin's house and I must say that whenever I go back to Fords, I just HAVE to get 2 slices of pizza from this place...and maybe a gelato as well. The prices are fair and the portions are rather large. If you are ever in Fords, this is the place to go.

2) The Crazy Burrito in South Edison, NJ:

Growing up in Fords, it was generally understood that our next door neighbor, the town of Edison, was divided into two parts. You had North Edison (where I currently reside) and South Edison. I'm not sure what it is about South Edison, but I firmly hold the belief that they have the edge over North Edison when it comes to food joints. The other day, my girlfriend and I had a huge craving for Mexican food. I recalled a small Mexican food joint that I used to pass by all the time as a kid while in the backseat of the minivan. Once we arrived, we realized this place was gonna be good. It reminded me of the local Mexican food joints in Arizona I once frequented. Mariachi music was blasting on the jukebox...you could smell the tortillas cooking in the back...and drunk Mexican guys were all over the place with a Corona in each hand. For 20 bucks, my girlfriend and I ordered two Tamales, a Carne Asada Burrito, two Pina Coladas (non-alcoholic of course), and a delicious egg and cheese burrito known as the "Tex Mex". The authentic Mexican taste and the prices are tough to beat. Skip Taco Bell and head to the Crazy Burrito.

3) Fiesta Grill off Westside in Jersey City, NJ:

Jersey City is home to a very large and densely populated Filipino community. Most of my Filipino friends are from Jersey City, and finding a Filipino in Jersey City is like finding a Starbucks in a strip mall--they are everywhere. There are several Filipino restaurants in Jersey City, and there are TWO Fiesta Grills in Jersey City. I have to say that the Fiesta Grill off of Westside is my personal favorite. If you are looking for some damn good sizzling Sisig and Lechon Kawali, look no further. Yes, I am aware that there will be Filipinos reading this and disagreeing...but from my personal experience, the service (which I have found lacking in several of the Jersey City Filipino restaurants) and quality of food at the Westside Fiesta Grill is excellent and surpasses that of it's Newark Avenue branch.

4) Fujiyamamama in Westfield, NJ:

Westfield is a town 15 minutes away from where I currently live. My experience in Westfield is limited to the very aesthetically-pleasing main street area that consists of high-end shops as well as trendy restaurants and independent businesses. However, my girlfriend took me to this place called Fujiyamamama in some neighborhood backroad of Westfield. If you want U-Yee style half-price Sushi without the long wait and without the chances of you awkwardly bumping into someone from your past, then this is the place for you.

5) Manny's Texas Wieners in Vauxhall, NJ:

I had no idea Vauxhall, NJ existed until I went to this place. I also had no clue what a Texas Wiener was until I went to this place. However, my girlfriend and I wanted to try something different so we decided to check the place out. For those of you who don't know, a Texas Wiener is basically a hot dog with Chili (hence the Texas reference), mustard, and onions. I know it sounds like an odd combination, but I must say that it is the best hot dog I've had in a very, very long time. I ordered 4 of these bad boys and devoured them without hesitation. If you want a good hot dog, head to this place.

6) Clark White Diamond in Clark, NJ:

I don't know much about Clark, NJ other than this place. I've been going to it since I was a kid and have some of my fondest food memories there...with the exception of one when my mom took me there to cushion the blow that my family was moving away (long story). But all horrible memories aside, this place has the best burgers in the area by far. My father once worked as a limo driver and would head there early in the mornings after his shifts to grab a bite to eat. Eventually, they became a Pana-Family staple. Best part is is that they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you want a great burger at 3 AM after a night of partying, this is the place to go. Like many Jerseyans who frequent the area, I prefer the small burgers. The large burgers served on Kaiser rolls are the ones I ate throughout my childhood, but my fondness for the mini burgers comes from the fact that they are cheap, packed with flavor (and grease), and I can seem to devour several of them at a time without getting too full. Probably not the best thing health-wise, but fun and delicious nontheless. I came from there earlier today and bought 4 Large California burgers, 3 Small burgers, and 1 hot dog...all for around 20 bucks. Not bad at all.

7) Tastee Sub Shop in South Edison, NJ:

Like I said, South Edison has something magical about it when it comes to food. Tastee Sub Shop is an example of that. This creates what is, in my mind, the quintessential Jersey Sub. Yes, you heard me...a SUB. Not a Grinder. Not a Hoagie (sorry South Jersey). Not a Hero. Not a Po' Boy...A SUB. I've been eating their food since I was a kid and to this day I always order the same thing: Ham, Salami, and Cheese on White with a good helping of Red Wine Vinegar. While overseas, Tastee Subs, along with White Diamond burgers, was the food I longed for the most.

8) China Bowl in South Edison, NJ:

Here we go with South Edison again! It may be something in the water. This place serves Hong Kong quality Chinese food at very, very good prices. If you are looking for Hopkee-style eating but don't want to drive around for an hour looking for a place to park while avoiding traffic in Chinatown, head to this place.

9) Thai House Rock in Colonia, NJ:

Last but not least, the place that is, in my humble opinion, the home of the best Phad Thai in Jersey. As a former 3 year resident of Bangkok, Thailand, I know good Phad Thai when I taste it, and this place has the most authentic Phad Thai I've had in Jersey. This tiny Thai eatery on the side of Route 35 has a rock n' roll theme to it...with the walls adorned in classic rock albums and images. To make things even better, the owner, who we call Eddie, is one cool dude. He and his wife run the place and he has become a pretty good friend of the Pana family. If you have a craving for Phad Thai and Thai Iced Tea, then look no further than this place.

Now that I have lived my Anthony Bourdain-esque moment, I must now go to sleep. Farewell.

2009-05-17T20:42:00.001-07:00

Artists seem to have a different way of looking at everyday things....

What most people see as merely a lump of clay is considered potential beauty by a sculptor. The sculptor can take something so mishapen and dirty and turn it into something beautiful and awe-inspiring. A sculptor can take clay and form it in their own vision.

What most people see as pen and paper is considered a potential stage for the writer or poet. Through writing, a writer can speak their mind to an audience, or entertain a crowd. It becomes the platform from which ideas spring and expression follows.

What appears to be random noise may be considered notes by a musician. They hear frequencies, notes, pitches. For the musician, what may appear to be mere sounds may lead to a musical masterpiece. Through musical instruments, they can express themselves fully and totally.

What appears to be canvas and paint is a potential portrait for the painter. Through the proper knowledge and skill of balancing colors and proportion, the painter can express themselves by painting a portrait of an image within their mind and showing it to the world.

For someone like me, what may look like a violent tool of destruction to many is a tool of expression for myself. When I look at a blade or club...I see new techniques, tactics, and methods. With it, I feel history, strength, power, courage, and resilience. I see a tool for not only my own expression, but also for protection. With a weapon, I create techniques almost automatically without thinking about it. Like a sculptor creates his vision from clay, I create my vision through my weapons. I know it sounds odd, but it makes sense to me, and others like me.

The Common Denominator

2009-05-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of reading lately regarding ancient warrior cultures: the Spartans, Knights, Samurai, Apache, Shaolin, and of course...the various Filipino warriors, which include the Moros, Matigsalog, and Igorot headhunters. In reading about these warriors, I realized they all had one thing in common. It went beyond fighting skills, tactics, armor, or weapons.

They all possessed spiritual fortitude and/or religious faith in some form. The Spartans were infamous for their religious devotion to the gods and would consult Oracles (proposed psychics) for advice and guidance. The Samurai were dedicated to Zen Buddhism and practiced meditation. The Knights dedicated themselves to the chivalric code and fought for God. The Apache believed in various deities and prayed to them before battle, and the legendary Geronimo even converted to Christianity later in life. The Filipinos are no different...the Moros dedicate themselves to the practices and faith of Islam and would pray to Allah before going into battle. The Igorots were animists who believed in various gods and supernatural deities that helped them in battle. In general, many Filipinos believe in God and would rely on prayer, incantations, and amulets to protect them in battle, and possess great faith in God and the supernatural.

In today's world, where religion and faith appear to be the great divider among the people, and where to even speak of one's religion is considered "politically incorrect", I think it's important to know that the warriors of old firmly held their spiritual and/or religious beliefs. They may have been different from one another, but in the end, they knew that with death on the horizon...faith in a Higher Being became essential to their clarity of mind in battle. I like to think that if I were to get a Samurai, a Moro, a Spartan, a Knight, a Shaolin Monk, and an Apache warrior all in one room...I believe they would each have some kind of dedication to spirituality and religious faith. Yes, they may have different belief systems, but in the end, they all possess spirituality.

Despite all my faults, I still pray to God and meditate every day. I consider it an important part of training. I believe that it's important to train the physical through conditioning and hard fight training. I believe it's important to train the mind by reading warrior texts and playing Chess, which is truly war in miniature and trains one's logical and strategic thinking. However, prayer and meditation fuse the body and mind. They calm the mind, strengthen focus, and enable the body to endure and persevere through hard punishment. More importantly, they improve me as a warrior in all aspects of my life--it helps my relationships with others, and allows me to view life more compassionately and patiently.

Musings on Spike's "Deadliest Warrior"

2009-05-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

As a martial artist who has spent his whole life researching and training in various fighting styles and warrior cultures, I thought Spike TV's new show, "Deadliest Warrior" would be right up my alley. It's not a bad show. However, I thought I'd talk about what I think the show is lacking and why it isn't an accurate portrayal of warriors being pitted against other warriors.

First, let me say I do watch the show. In fact, as I type this, I am watching the "Pirate VS Knight" episode. The show seeks to pit one warrior culture against an other...cultures that haven't met on the battlefield in real life. It's interesting to see the different warrior cultures that are present...many of which haven't been recognized by Hollywood or by people on a wide scale: the Apache, Maori Warrior, Vikings, etc. They even take a stab at comparing groups that weren't always seen as a warrior culture...the Yakuza VS Mafia for instance...which was one entertaining episode I might add (NOTE: I was rooting for the Mafia just in case anyone was curious...being from the "Soprano State" and all).

My gripe with the show has nothing to do with the results of the simulated battles. It has to do with the following:

1) Despite what the show's mission entails, the show doesn't really pit a warrior against another warrior. In reality, they are merely comparing the weapons of each warrior culture against one another. It really should be titled "Deadliest Weapon". They compare each culture's respective weapons against each other and compare their lethality...they do not take into account the warriors' mindset, skills, or techniques. We need to remember that weapons don't fight wars...PEOPLE do. If you are going to call the show "Deadliest Warrior", then I think they should discuss and compare lifestyle, techniques, tactics, and strategies of each warrior culture as opposed to just the weapons they use.

2) Even though the show mainly showcases and compares weapons and pits weapons against each other, oftentimes, they don't often pick the right weapons to compare. For instance, in the Viking VS Samurai episode...they didn't compare the Viking Long Sword to the Samurai Katana. Instead, they compared the Katana to the Viking Long Axe...and the Naginata (which is more like the Viking Long Axe) to the Viking Long Sword. Also, in the Spetznatz VS Green Beret episode, they compared the Russian Ballistic Knife to the Green Beret's Entrenching Shovel...which makes no sense...since the Russian's real and true close-combat weapon is the Shovel (I got my Bayani Warrior brother Chris Shragin a Russian Combat Shovel for his going-away present to Japan), and I feel the Green Beret's should've demonstrated the use of the Tomahawk...which is very popular within Green Beret circles.

3) Trying to simulate a battle via a computer program factoring in data of weapons' efficiency is not a very accurate portrayal of a battle. Again, the computer program only takes into account the efficiency of the weapons but does not compare the skills or tactics of each warrior group. I feel it would've been better if the representatives of each system stopped their horrible acting and trash talking and simply FOUGHT in a simulated fight. They should've had the Spetznatz reps and the Green Beret reps fight a tactical Airsoft or Paintball match...or had the Viking reps and Samurai reps actually spar it out with their weapons. Yes, I understand it's not exactly "real" combat, and that the weapons they tested cannot be used for the sake of safety, and that rules have to be factored in for safety of the participants. However, a computer simulation is not "REAL" either. However, I feel that a simulated physical battle would been a lot more demonstrative of the skills and tactics of the warriors. There was a show on USA Network in 2001 called "Combat Missions", a show that pitted groups of Navy SEALs, Army Rangers, SWAT officers, and Delta Force against each other in mock battles...I don't see why they can't do the same with this show. The shows participants must factor skills, tactics, as well as battle conditions such as terrain...things that a computer cannot factor mathematically.

4) It seems to me that the show doesn't take into account that these warrior cultures did not fight one on one...they fought as groups in combat. The only two shows that showcase a group vs group fight is "Yakuza VS Mafia" and "Spetznatz VS Green Berets". However, the Spartans were known for their team tactics and their whole fighting method revolved around fighting as a group...same goes for the Knights, Samurai, and other warrior cultures.

5) Some of the warrior cultures were mismatched against one another. I feel that the following match-ups should've been on the show and would've made much more sense.

-Knights VS Samurai (they both existed around the same time period so it would've made more sense to pit them against each other)

-Apache VS Ninja (both use stealth to overcome their enemy. I would've liked to see how they fought against each other in a guerilla warfare setting).

-Spetznatz VS Navy SEALs (I have great respect for the Green Berets, are tough as they come they but they are more of a group that specializes in training other countries to fight...at least that's what I've been told by my friends in the US Army. IMHO, the Navy SEALs' training and mindset is much more like the Spetznatz's own.)

Overall, I find the show entertaining and I have not missed an episode yet. However, I think the show could use a lot more improvement.

What I Seek to Be

2009-05-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

I was at the bookstore yesterday browsing through the World History aisle and came across this quote from the Greek Philosopher, Heraclitus:

"Out of every one hundred men, ten shouldn’t even be there,
Eighty are just targets,
Nine are the real fighters, and we are lucky to have them,
for they make the battle.
Ah, but the one,
One is a Warrior,
And he will bring the others back."

After all these years...after going through all the emotional, post-teenage-year-ups-and-downs, after all the years of trying to figure out what I want to be, I now know what I must do.

I seek to be that ONE...the ONE Heraclitus speaks of.

I want to walk the path of the warrior.

I have already begun, and I hope to be able to finish strong.

New Blog

2009-03-22T14:23:00.000-07:00

My brother Matt recommended this site to me. Looks like my writings will now have a new home.

Gotta love blogging.